I was seventeen, when this survey was taken ....... and, yes, I WAS content or extremely happy .................
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Time for a chuckle or two. Add yours.
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A little footnote to the Emma vid. A friend's father retired from Moore Business Forms. I was at their house for dinner one night and he told me that he loved us IT guys. We had declared that we were going to turn this into a paperless society. And then invented printers that could eat paper fifty times faster than ever before possible and made a great retirement possible for him.
Ink erasers, white-out, that ribbon for Selectrics that would "undo"...we used to do anything to keep from having to start over with a new sheet of paper...more desperately the farther into the page we were. It wasn't the paper we were worried about...it was all of our time & effort. Flash forward to computers, word processors, and printers and all of a sudden it's like, "Oops, that won't do, I gotta fix that and print out another copy. Paper? Oh hell, I've a couple of reams here." I'm quite sure I've used a lot more paper because the technology has made it so quick & easy. Rick
Showing my age: I don't know how to post a link here, if that is the right terminology. There is a nice little animation video called Mousetrap Bootcamp on you tube.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrATg88dkYA
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrATg88dkYA
sheetmetaldan
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sheetmetaldan
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Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my
fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to
do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that
I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, "I love
you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as
if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly
and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with
silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later,
he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts
were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a
disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my
fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to
do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that
I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, "I love
you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as
if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly
and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with
silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later,
he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts
were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a
disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.
Every Saturday morning a man plays 18 holes at his country club, and is home just after noon. One day he doesn't get home until 5 in the evening. When asked by his wife where he was, he replies
"I was driving home from the club and came upon a young woman with a flat on the side of the road. I stopped and helped her change the tire, and she said she only lived around the corner and I should stop to clean the grease from my hands. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Can you please forgive me?"
She says " Don't give me that crap, you played 36 holes didn't you?"
"I was driving home from the club and came upon a young woman with a flat on the side of the road. I stopped and helped her change the tire, and she said she only lived around the corner and I should stop to clean the grease from my hands. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Can you please forgive me?"
She says " Don't give me that crap, you played 36 holes didn't you?"
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how government works.
....and how our elected government officials leave Washington wealthy men and women.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how government works.
....and how our elected government officials leave Washington wealthy men and women.
I hate to be a name dropping azzhole...but I have met the actual Beavis.
grew up with Mike Judge....actually laughs like that.
You know how people say stuff like, "its funny cause its true"?
I wish this were funny....
Man is dying, gives $10,000 to each of his three best friends, a priest, a doctor and a lawyer, charging them to toss the money in the grave with him when he is buried. He dies, and the three go to the funeral and burial. Doctor throws an envelope in top of the lowered casket, as do, priest and lawyer.
After the service, they go together to a local bar for a drink in their buddy's memory.
The priest looks a bit distressed. He says to the other two, " I just can't lie about it. It seemed such a waste, I put $9000 of the $10,000 in the poor box. The doctor looked at him for a minute, then says, "Well, I gave $8000 of the $10,000 to the hospital for some new x-ray equipment."
"I'm ashamed of you both," the lawyer declares. "I put a cheque for the full $10,000 in the envelope."
After the service, they go together to a local bar for a drink in their buddy's memory.
The priest looks a bit distressed. He says to the other two, " I just can't lie about it. It seemed such a waste, I put $9000 of the $10,000 in the poor box. The doctor looked at him for a minute, then says, "Well, I gave $8000 of the $10,000 to the hospital for some new x-ray equipment."
"I'm ashamed of you both," the lawyer declares. "I put a cheque for the full $10,000 in the envelope."
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
' Well, strip down to your waist, ' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ' No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '
I know, she said, I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came!
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
' Well, strip down to your waist, ' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ' No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '
I know, she said, I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came!
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