An update on my issues...
To address the original question I asked, I found the Calico Hot Shot Wind-Resistant Utility Lighter on the Walmart website:
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Calico-Hot-Shot-Wind-Resistant-Utility-Lighter/50036366
Unfortunately, the website said that none of the Walmarts near me stocked it. But when I went there for something else, I noticed the lighter display and found a rack of these for sale. I bought a couple and they're perfect. Good, strong orange flame that stays lit and ignites paper quickly. I also added a damper inline on my stove pipe, so my stove lighting issues are history.
As far as the draft issues go, I tried replacing my 90-degree stove pipe elbow with two 45-degree ones. After testing for a week, we didn't see any improvement, so I returned to the original setup. To get the two 45s in there, I had to move the stove out so that the front clearance came awfully close to the carpet, and it made for a crowded spot between the couch and the stove. And it just looked a little odd having it out there. It's kind of a narrow room.
I had my mason come back and add 4' of liner to the top of the existing chimney. This brings the total height from the top of the stove to the top of that pipe to 15' 1-1/4". This *did* give us some improvement. Things aren't perfect, and this is all still a learning process with this new stove. The first day we tried it, the temperature dropped to 13 overnight and didn't get above 23 during the day. In the few tests we tried, things were much better. But we have to wonder how much is the extension and how much is attributed to the colder weather. Since those couple of cold days, it's only been "chilly", by New England standards. Below freezing overnight, but up around 40 during the day. And although I don't think the smoke problem is as bad as it was before installing the extension, it's still an issue.
There are a couple other things working against me. Certainly, my inexperience with this stove, but also the not-seasoned-enough wood that I'm using.
There are two "worst case scenarios" that plague me. When I have a hot bed of coals and it's time to load the chamber again, I'll start adding wood to fill it. I've learned to plan ahead so I'm not picking through the log supply while the stove door is open, but even still, by time I'm still getting those last splits in, the first log is pumping up a lot of smoke, and there's not enough draft to take it up the flue. The other case is when one of the logs had a gnarly knot in it, and that section is dragging it's heels to be completely consumed. It appears to be time to add wood, but that little piece is still producing smoke. When I open the door, plumes come out. Not much I can do about that but to be aware of it and sure that everything is down to coals before I open the door.
Once I have a strong fire going, I can open the door wide and no smoke comes in at all for extended periods of time. Perhaps there's just no smoke to come out. But I'm guessing that it's because there is such a massive draft at that point that gets sucked up.
I believe that most of these problems will be resolved next season when I'm burning dry wood. But I have to get through this season.
But here's my question for today... Since my biggest problem is filling the stove with new splits, I could avoid the problem if I added less wood. I could just throw a couple of good-size splits on the coals and close the door before any smoke develops. I might have to leave the damper a little more open than with a full load, and from what I understand, stoves work less efficiently when only partially full. Plus it means having to tend it more often. But outside of what I've mentioned, is there any good reason to avoid partially filling the stove each time?