Emergency Firewood Delivery

[quads]

Thanks!

I don't mind helping people (relatives included!), enjoy it actually, so not that I am complaining I guess. I would never tell them how to live their lives, but sometimes I worry what will happen when I'm gone or am no longer able to do things for them.

That's just it. You are enabling them and creating a dependency. Sometimes a little "tough love" is needed to teach them to think for themselves. At the very least you can make them listen to the sermon before they get the meal, just like down at the Salvation Army.

Very well said. Quads heart is in the right place. It reminds me of my very own Father. Together we run a local small business and often dont see eye to eye on employees. Too often he would keep certain employees around that are a "cancer" to the company. He is more than happy to overpay or give a handout to those that dont deserve it because he is very sympathetic to their situation. He just cant help himself. The truth is its a co-dependancy where my father only feels real value from giving something to someone that isnt deserved and giving it to someone who isn't deserving or capable of providing for themselves. It allows the undeserving to continue their incorrect behevior because it has been rewarded.

Good thing its only firewood in this case. There is much, much worse enabling out there. Once again, Quads heart is in the right place.

My dad was the same way. He lost his business because of it. He let everybody have credit, and so many people owed him money that he couldn't pay the bills and lost it. I guess that's where I get it from. Although, not quite as severe of a case as he had.

The relative I am speaking of is my baby sister and her family (although, she's not a baby anymore, in her 40s now). We've always been kind of partial to her, she's also our only sister. And her and I are the only siblings that live around here anymore. Our brothers are all gone.

Several years ago I told some of my other relatives that I didn't mind helping them with everything, but I expected them to help me do their work for them and not me doing it all alone all the time, like had been doing for decades up until that point. From then on, whenever they needed my "help" with something and they weren't able to help me help them, I wouldn't do it. Now they don't even speak to me anymore because I quit doing everything for them. I guess it's good riddance, but they were family and I do miss visiting with them. But they are user people, and I could never even visit with them without them having an actual list of things they needed me to do. I was at their house everyday, and they rarely ever stopped by my house, except sometimes they'd set in the driveway and blow their horn, not even get out of the car, just to tell me they had something else they needed "help" with. I wish they hadn't shunned me because of my decision to quit enabling them (they have other people doing it now), but that's what they did.

So, I guess I'll keep helping baby sis with stuff until I can't do it anymore. Even though I know it's not really doing her or me any favors, but in my family you're either a user person, or an enabler. There is no in between. And I'm the last enabler in our family around here anymore. Nobody ever helps me, or ever has. Not that I mind, I'm independent and have always done what I need to all by myself, but I've certainly helped everybody else in my life more than anybody has ever helped me.

 

[LLigetfa]

But they are user people, and I could never even visit with them without them having an actual list of things they needed me to do. I was at their house everyday, and they rarely ever stopped by my house...

Man does that ever have a familiar ring to it. While my parents were still alive, everytime we went to visit, I had my toolbox loaded up and packed work clothes. Last summer when I went to visit the FIL, I had to go shopping for work clothes as I hadn't packed any and was greeted with a to-do list. It's not about the work. I don't mind the work. It's about the one-sided relationship but mostly it's about being taken for granted.

I do understand though that you would look out for a sibling. Sounds like her hubby doesn't have his priorities straight. Maybe take him out behind the woodshed for the Dutch Uncle talk. He probably thinks he's doing you a favor, giving you something to feel superior about. I was floored when I heard that one after confronting the issue.

 

[Danno77]

quads, you surely are a great relative, and a nice guy all around. You've heard it from everyone else already, but something I tell parents of kids who "do everything for them" is something of an analogy I thought up a few years ago (remember i work with kids who have special needs, and sometimes their parents have special needs, so forgive the simplicity of the analogy)

life is like a ladder. we all need to get to the top. sometimes we fall off the ladder, but it only teaches us what not to do. What if you help your kid up to that first rung and they try to get to the second rung and then fall off. No biggie, right? they've probably learned a little something and will make another attempt. Now consider what happens if you help your kid up 2 rungs and you say "gee, that might make them cry if they fell off, i sure don't want to see them in any pain!" so you help them to the 3rd rung, but you are afraid that a fall from there would be even worse so you help them to the 4th, etc. before you know it, they are 10 rungs up and any misstep will cause major harm to them and they still don't know how to get up the ladder on their own. So, you have two options: 1) you help them (only going to a more dangerous height) 2) You don't help them (and they try anyway and fall to the ground)

If only they had learned to take those steps lower down on the ladder then you wouldn't be in that dangerous position later on. Failure hurts, but enabling only sets someone up for even bigger failure when you can't help them anymore.

 

[Lumber-Jack]

Nuthin wrong with helping people out, that's for sure. But next time I would insist that the brother in law come over and help you load and unload the wood, then at least he might get a better appreciation for the work involved.

We need more Quads in this World.

 

[LLigetfa]

I work in IT and I have this dilbert comic posted in my office.

http://gsteinbe.intrasun.tcnj.edu/tcnj/images/dilbert2.JPG

 

[TomB]

Remember to bring your own wheelbarrow next trip.

 

[Summertime]

I had a 1990 Jeep pickup that I bought new, Never hit any deer with it but almost got rammed by a Moose in Maine,hit another car when it was only 2 weeks old and ended up totalling it after hitting a nice maple when it was 2 years old! It hit so hard that it knocked the rear axle out from under it and sent the fiberglass cap and litebar flying into the woods! I didn't get a scratch from it and have since calmed down some while driving.. Brings back memories.

As for the firewood delivery I wouldn't have been so nice and dropped the wood as close as possible to the spot,You must be a really nice person with a lot of patience..

 

[quads]

Thanks guys! If I had known, I really would have taken my own wheelbarrow. Ha!