Son letting stove go cold.

[mike1234]

So he doesn't like to put wood in the wood stove? It's Saturday, his "day off"?
My boys have all moved out, 2 graduated college this year, ones moving to Dallas for a job. One is going to go to grad school out of state. You think I remember if they loaded the wood stove when they were 14?
Pick your battles, this is not a battle I'd pick.
(Just to finish up, one son still in college close to home and daughter is Junior in High School - she doesn't load the stove either, but feeds her horse. I miss the days when the boys lived here with us.)

 

[wellbuilt home]

I had the same problem in the 90s My stove would go out the heat would be cranking on 90o and the front door would be open ? Every one would be home .
Problem solved , I just whacked the gas pipe off with a sawzall , and we've been stoking the stove ever since .

 

[Leonard]

Ive got a new twist on this one, normally like your son mine will literally fall asleep on the couch and let the stove go cold as well as the wife. Today I decided I was going to clean the stove/chimney and mentioned not to put any wood in the stove I left the door open a crack and the damper wide open to burn off last nights coals I then leave to go and get my ladder someone borrowed. I return a few hours later and lo and behold pulling in the driveway I can see heat waves coming off the stack, DOH. Ya the one time I don't want the stove loaded and burning it is I wanted to smash my head against the wall.

 

[Highlandwelder]

My 13 year old son has to load the woodbox, and it gets done with only the occasional reminder. He doesn't tend to the stove, but his older sister does. I travel alot for work, and everyone knows that the woodstove has to be kept running. My wife loves the warmth so she has no issue's tending to it. In regards to family values, you really have to work at it. We eat meals as a family. No exceptions, and you better be home in time for dinner or you are going to have a bunch of cranky people looking at you across the table. It's great if you can be friends with your kids, but you better be their parents first!!

 

[Dix]

Ive got a new twist on this one, normally like your son mine will literally fall asleep on the couch and let the stove go cold as well as the wife. Today I decided I was going to clean the stove/chimney and mentioned not to put any wood in the stove I left the door open a crack and the damper wide open to burn off last nights coals I then leave to go and get my ladder someone borrowed. I return a few hours later and lo and behold pulling in the driveway I can see heat waves coming off the stack, DOH. Ya the one time I don't want the stove loaded and burning it is I wanted to smash my head against the wall.

Well, at least you got your ladder back.



(broken image removed)

 

[DavidV]

I didn't have to go to extremes to get the message in. When the wife came downstairs I told her and she also rode him about not putting wood in the stove....to which he say "great, I'm starting the day with everyone mad at me"....and I mirrored "I did something really lazy and stupid and people are calling me out for being lazy and stupid and I'm mad because they noticed that I was lazy and stupid" And he shot me a look that let me know he got it.
This kid does not get called on to do near the things I did when I was a kid but he also doesn't just skate thru life with no responsibilities either. He gets wood every day to fill the bins, and if they are not filled he goes out in the dark to do it. he has a handful of chores that he is responsible for and that list is growing as he gets older. he is starting to understand that his privileges increase as his responsibilities do. He helped me get the cars cleared off from the snow yesterday, and did some preliminary shoveling (4 inches had fallen but 5 more were on the way) and later in the day he wanted to go see his girlfriend so I drove him over to do some sledding and had a drink or two by the burn barrel with her parents (definately my kind of people).
This morning at 7 I could hear the door to the stove open and he loaded it up. Around 930 when I got up to come down he was putting another load of wood in.....so he got the point although I will have to gently show him how to get more than 2 hours of burn time between loads. I sent him out to shovel the walks today and he did it with no complaints and also shoveled a path to the wood stack. I'm happy to say taht avter 10 years of pushups and situps when he didn't do the right thing, and being held accountable, he is really starting to get it and takes pride in doing a good job even if he doesn't always want to start the job on his own. No, you can't be their friends.....I have a 19 year old who is studying in Europe right now and she prepared me for this by trying to be an MTV drone when she was the same age. With both of them there have been some extreme motivational seminars that I am sure will be hashed out later on during therapy sessions. Once, before I got custody of my daughter, she got in a fight in school at about the age of 14. Her mother had all kinds of excuses for why it wasn't her fault. I picked her up for the weekend and told her I was disappointed. I explained why it was not acceptable and that we were not the kind of people who did that.....she didn't seem to get it...so on the way home we took a detour to one of the more seedy sections of Richmond. just as the sun was setting I pulled up to the curb and said "honey, these are the kind of people who get in fist fights. I want you to get out of my car and walk down the street and take a look at your future." So I followed slowly as this rebeliious little girl walked down the street scared to death, then at the end of the block I pulled over to the curb and she got back in. Without a word I drove home and went inside and she came in, sobbing. We didn't talk that night but she remembers it quite well. And she didn't get in any more fights.

 

[Swedishchef]

I didn't have to go to extremes to get the message in. When the wife came downstairs I told her and she also rode him about not putting wood in the stove....to which he say "great, I'm starting the day with everyone mad at me"....and I mirrored "I did something really lazy and stupid and people are calling me out for being lazy and stupid and I'm mad because they noticed that I was lazy and stupid" And he shot me a look that let me know he got it.
This kid does not get called on to do near the things I did when I was a kid but he also doesn't just skate thru life with no responsibilities either. He gets wood every day to fill the bins, and if they are not filled he goes out in the dark to do it. he has a handful of chores that he is responsible for and that list is growing as he gets older. he is starting to understand that his privileges increase as his responsibilities do. He helped me get the cars cleared off from the snow yesterday, and did some preliminary shoveling (4 inches had fallen but 5 more were on the way) and later in the day he wanted to go see his girlfriend so I drove him over to do some sledding and had a drink or two by the burn barrel with her parents (definately my kind of people).
This morning at 7 I could hear the door to the stove open and he loaded it up. Around 930 when I got up to come down he was putting another load of wood in.....so he got the point although I will have to gently show him how to get more than 2 hours of burn time between loads. I sent him out to shovel the walks today and he did it with no complaints and also shoveled a path to the wood stack. I'm happy to say taht avter 10 years of pushups and situps when he didn't do the right thing, and being held accountable, he is really starting to get it and takes pride in doing a good job even if he doesn't always want to start the job on his own. No, you can't be their friends.....I have a 19 year old who is studying in Europe right now and she prepared me for this by trying to be an MTV drone when she was the same age. With both of them there have been some extreme motivational seminars that I am sure will be hashed out later on during therapy sessions. Once, before I got custody of my daughter, she got in a fight in school at about the age of 14. Her mother had all kinds of excuses for why it wasn't her fault. I picked her up for the weekend and told her I was disappointed. I explained why it was not acceptable and that we were not the kind of people who did that.....she didn't seem to get it...so on the way home we took a detour to one of the more seedy sections of Richmond. just as the sun was setting I pulled up to the curb and said "honey, these are the kind of people who get in fist fights. I want you to get out of my car and walk down the street and take a look at your future." So I followed slowly as this rebeliious little girl walked down the street scared to death, then at the end of the block I pulled over to the curb and she got back in. Without a word I drove home and went inside and she came in, sobbing. We didn't talk that night but she remembers it quite well. And she didn't get in any more fights.

LOL. Man oh man, David you're my type of parent. It does not always work well (tough love that is) but as long as your kids know you aren't bluffing, it can sometimes be beneficial.

You actually made your son do pushups and situps? LOL.

Ahhh..can't wait to be a dad: 7 months and counting.

Andrew

 

[Dix]

I didn't have to go to extremes to get the message in. When the wife came downstairs I told her and she also rode him about not putting wood in the stove....to which he say "great, I'm starting the day with everyone mad at me"....and I mirrored "I did something really lazy and stupid and people are calling me out for being lazy and stupid and I'm mad because they noticed that I was lazy and stupid" And he shot me a look that let me know he got it.
This kid does not get called on to do near the things I did when I was a kid but he also doesn't just skate thru life with no responsibilities either. He gets wood every day to fill the bins, and if they are not filled he goes out in the dark to do it. he has a handful of chores that he is responsible for and that list is growing as he gets older. he is starting to understand that his privileges increase as his responsibilities do. He helped me get the cars cleared off from the snow yesterday, and did some preliminary shoveling (4 inches had fallen but 5 more were on the way) and later in the day he wanted to go see his girlfriend so I drove him over to do some sledding and had a drink or two by the burn barrel with her parents (definately my kind of people).
This morning at 7 I could hear the door to the stove open and he loaded it up. Around 930 when I got up to come down he was putting another load of wood in.....so he got the point although I will have to gently show him how to get more than 2 hours of burn time between loads. I sent him out to shovel the walks today and he did it with no complaints and also shoveled a path to the wood stack. I'm happy to say taht avter 10 years of pushups and situps when he didn't do the right thing, and being held accountable, he is really starting to get it and takes pride in doing a good job even if he doesn't always want to start the job on his own. No, you can't be their friends.....I have a 19 year old who is studying in Europe right now and she prepared me for this by trying to be an MTV drone when she was the same age. With both of them there have been some extreme motivational seminars that I am sure will be hashed out later on during therapy sessions. Once, before I got custody of my daughter, she got in a fight in school at about the age of 14. Her mother had all kinds of excuses for why it wasn't her fault. I picked her up for the weekend and told her I was disappointed. I explained why it was not acceptable and that we were not the kind of people who did that.....she didn't seem to get it...so on the way home we took a detour to one of the more seedy sections of Richmond. just as the sun was setting I pulled up to the curb and said "honey, these are the kind of people who get in fist fights. I want you to get out of my car and walk down the street and take a look at your future." So I followed slowly as this rebeliious little girl walked down the street scared to death, then at the end of the block I pulled over to the curb and she got back in. Without a word I drove home and went inside and she came in, sobbing. We didn't talk that night but she remembers it quite well. And she didn't get in any more fights.

Damn, Dave... you're good


LOL

 

[DavidV]

"LOL. Man oh man, David you’re my type of parent. It does not always work well (tough love that is) but as long as your kids know you aren’t bluffing, it can sometimes be beneficial.

You actually made your son do pushups and situps? LOL.

Ahhh..can’t wait to be a dad: 7 months and counting.

Andrew "

Yes. There are a couple reasons I do it. The first and foremost is a rather primitive concept that I firmly adhere to. It is the power of shame. Shameful behavior should be met with a punishment that "shames" the offender.
I have dropped the kids in the mall, at the fair, you name it. The screw up in public and the start pushing.
Some people are horrified by the concept. So what?! The second reason is that the punishment is over when the pushups are over, the punishment is over. Quick and simple.

there is an added bonus....My 14 year old son is built. He looks at himself in the mirror and has verbalized that the other kids in his grade are not built the way he is. Physical fitness isn't a terrible thing.

When I met my wife, my 14 year old was just about to turn 4.(her son). it wasn't much time before he was pushing, and my 10 year old was pushing about that age as well. I don't think she dug it too much at first, but about 3 years ago I walked into the kitchen entrance coming home from work, and she was standing there, over both boys and they were doing pushups.....I didn't ask what was up, just turned around and went to my shop for a few minutes. Partly afraid to get in the middle of it, and partly laughing my arse off.

There were even times when I had my daughter pushing. Nobody likes being punished like that but it makes an impression.

 

[DavidV]

thinkxingu, your dad sounds awesome.

 

[BrotherBart]

You are my kinda guy Dave. Give them punishment that prepares them to someday kick your old ass

 

[Swedishchef]

Sounds like you and I think similarly Dave.
You are also preparing them for the real world. A world full of people who can be hateful, mean, disrespectful and dishonnest. I find most teens are oblivious to the "real world" due to the silver lining parents weave for them. I know of people who have NEVER been yelled at and don't know how to take it when it happens in day to day life. They have never faced criticism, punishment or any other type of discipline.

Well done Dave

Andrew

 

[Konrad]

OP, you sound old. No offense or anything, but you might consider to take your son at his word. He wasn't cold. The older you get, the more it takes to feel comfortable. My parents in their 70s heat with wood and keep the house at 85-90 degrees, which I find overwhelming stuffy and just plain ass hot. The older you get, the more this threshold will increase. There's a reason grandmas in her 90s wears sweaters in summer.

 

[DavidV]

Konrad, I am old....not terribly old, mid 40's but I have not problem being called old. It was 62 degrees in the house. and 17 outside. So the only reason it was still 62 was because that 14 year old didn't have a problem with my wallet falling open and my paycheck slipping down the drain.
If the house gets too hot, they can open the back door. if the stove room is too warm there are about 5 other rooms they can go sit in. But if they are home, and the heat is on they had damned sure start a fire so it shuts back off.

 

[Konrad]

Konrad, I am old....not terribly old, mid 40's but I have not problem being called old. It was 62 degrees in the house. and 17 outside. So the only reason it was still 62 was because that 14 year old didn't have a problem with my wallet falling open and my paycheck slipping down the drain.
If the house gets too hot, they can open the back door. if the stove room is too warm there are about 5 other rooms they can go sit in. But if they are home, and the heat is on they had damned sure start a fire so it shuts back off.

Yea, I'm razzing you with the old knock. Just saying a 14 year old boy is burning about 3000 calories a day. 62 probably doesn't feel all that cold. Besides being oblivious to the needs of others at that age. There's more than one reason for such excuses, and some might just be true. I wouldn't disown him just yet (you'll have less legal problems at 18).

 

[Jags]

Oh yeah, well last night the 21 year old unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and hand washed the big stuff that wouldn't fit......without being asked. Top THAT! :cheese:

I stumbled a little, and had a mild fainting spell that that rendered me unconscious for a while.

 

[DavidV]

Yeah, from time to time they get you with that kind of thing. I can't wait till one of my kids has their own life and I go visit but they are too busy with some chore, repair or project to spend much time with me. That will be the moment that I know they have arrived.

 

[hareball]

My Daughter turns 15 this July. great kid and a Daddy's girl! She comes on weekends and always cleans the house, folds laundry...the works. Sunday I ran a little test- I did a reload and sat down on the couch and asked her since she was up could she close the doors and close the dampers then open them 2 full turns. One hand went on the hip the other up in the air "I'm not touching that thing- It's too hot"!
Looks like the ole family fisher won't be going to her but I still have a few nephews (5 and 7) to work with lol

 

[scotsman]

Been reading all these posts with a lot of nods and sometimes damp eyes. Been there done that and more . . . in spades.

We adopted two kids, now 25 (boy) and 19 (girl). Did our best to raise 'em right, including home chores and pretty much an "old-fashioned" type religious and moral value set. Scott was the perfect child until he hit the teens. In spite of our best efforts and consistency, at about 14, he went to the dark side. Did everything except drugs and murder (as far as we know). All his teachers were on drugs and communists and he had no use for school and didn't finish. (His IQ is about 160, btw) I've had to see him in an orange jump suit, flip flops and shackles at his hearing at the youth detention center--didn't make my day. At 17, we had to issue an ultimatum, straighten up or find someplace else to be, because we had an 11 year old daughter to consider. He decided to leave. (It was curious however, as "bad" as our place and we were, if any of his friends got booted out, or needed a place to stay, he'd ask to bring 'em home for a few days and we let him.) Without going into all the details--he has turned around. The first week in December, we went to Albuquerque for his induction into Phi Theta Kappa--the 2-yr. school version of the 4 yr. school Phi Beta Kappa. During his introduction, they went into about 10 minutes worth of his accomplishments, half of which we didn't know. His GPA is 3.95. This is just one of a zillion major positive things he's done. He has since thanked us many times (gasp!!) for the way we raised him and takes pride in being "just like Papa". So, stick to your guns, values, ethics and all that you know is right. In most cases, you'll come out with an asset to society rather than a liability.

The most valuable thing we learned along the way? When we were really beating ourselves up over where we went wrong, his psycologist asked us if he had learned these behaviors at home. We said, "Of course not!" He said, "Then why are you taking responsibility for them?" We looked at each other with relief and said, "GOOD point!" From then on we were better.

 

[Berone]

I absolutely refuse to allow my son near the stove, although he is desperate to get to it. Every time I open the door to load it he comes crawling toward it as fast as he can!

 

[BrotherBart]

We don't have any kids but we both have extreme admiration for folks that raise them.

 

[tickbitty]

Of course you DO realize that once you make him load the stove he can either leave the damper open and overfire it, or leave the door open so that embers can escape, and then fall asleep on the couch, right?

 

[John the Painter]

Some of my best memories as a kid were helping out my dad getting the winters wood in.I always loved wood burning and the process involved from cutting to trudging through snow with an armload in mid January.I think the biggest thing today is making sure that kids appreciate what they have and earning something themselves even if it's nothing to call home about will mean all that much more.At 26 and with my first on the way I hope I can teach them the things my father taught me.And if all else fails disconnect the wires from the thermostat so he will have to fill the stove. ;-)

 

[chad3]

sounds like the same thing i go through but with the wife instead,i dont think i can get my 4year girl to help with the loading just yet, but little does she know her time will come

Wood,
I tell my 4 year old that she is rugged. She knows the steps to start a fire from scratch (paper, kindling, a few small pieces). She knows a chainsaw. She also walks out to the stacks with me and looks for knocky wood (she hits them with her knuckles and says, "oh, good wood"). Its great, let her help all she can. Gave her a buck the other day to stand in the back of the truck and try to push wood towards the tailgate for me.
Embrace it, in a few more years she will try to become more girlie...
Chad

 

[hareball]

sounds like the same thing i go through but with the wife instead,i dont think i can get my 4year girl to help with the loading just yet, but little does she know her time will come

Wood,
I tell my 4 year old that she is rugged. She knows the steps to start a fire from scratch (paper, kindling, a few small pieces). She knows a chainsaw. She also walks out to the stacks with me and looks for knocky wood (she hits them with her knuckles and says, "oh, good wood"). Its great, let her help all she can. Gave her a buck the other day to stand in the back of the truck and try to push wood towards the tailgate for me.
Embrace it, in a few more years she will try to become more girlie...
Chad

Thats the truth! When my Daughter was little she'd do anything I did. She would lip a black sea bass and all out on the boat. Last time I had her out she would not lift a fish without the boga grip :/