Rant! -Spouse/Wood/Stove

[wood spliter]

This is my first season with a stove in my house. I got a late start with the getting the stove and than also the wood. I slpit all my wood, burning the driest first. I was hoping some of the newer stuff would be better toward the end of the season.

 

[Bobbin]

Hehehe... my sympathies on this one. I suspect that the old man is feeling a little bit threatened that wifey has done more studying and has a finer, more nuanced touch with the new stove. Ask me how I know this. I have a good man who tends toward the "know it all" side, too. And I take great delight in patiently rebutting "arguements" based on little fact and good rhetoric. That crap may fool others but after 25 yrs. I'm wise to it.

I fear this season is pretty much a lost cause for the two of you. The solution to the wet wood controversy is to minimize the amount of wet wood you have in your woodshed. I propose that you take control of processing the wood. That is what I did, although I insisted on it more out of a desire to clean up the multiple piles of rounds that were stockpiled around our estate. I simply began asking for his help for 4-5 hrs. on our mutual days off. I had already worked out the siting of the stacks to take best advantage of the prevailing wind and available sun and I set the pallets up. I found that taking the initiative underscored the importance of the task effectively and having it all organized and ready to go made the whole operation a good deal more pleasant for him. Reduce the work to "from the neck down" and hopefully he'll be more receptive. If he continues to be an obstinant pain your ass, hire out "his" part of the job and help your hired worker yourself!

Over the years of pulling into the marital yoke I've learned that sometimes taking charge of a situation that irritates the piss out of you is the best course of action. When the house is a disaster I simply make a list and start plugging away. Interestingly, the husband usually cannot stand to be "left out" and, like a moth to a flame, he hovers around and then is more than willing to help me out.

LOL about greasey, metal "finds" weighing in excess of 50 lbs.. I understand.

 

[daleeper]

LOL about greasey, metal "finds" weighing in excess of 50 lbs.. I understand.

What's up with that? I didn't realize there was a problem with these bargain, once in a lifetime finds. BTW, if we had a storage shed, forklift and heavy shelving, we might store them inside.

 

[szmaine]

Hehehe... my sympathies on this one. I suspect that the old man is feeling a little bit threatened that wifey has done more studying and has a finer, more nuanced touch with the new stove. Ask me how I know this. I have a good man who tends toward the "know it all" side, too. And I take great delight in patiently ccThat crap may fool others but after 25 yrs. I'm wise to it.

I fear this season is pretty much a lost cause for the two of you. The solution to the wet wood controversy is to minimize the amount of wet wood you have in your woodshed. I propose that you take control of processing the wood. That is what I did, although I insisted on it more out of c I simply began asking for his help for 4-5 hrs. on our mutual days off. I had already worked out the siting of the stacks to take best advantage of the prevailing wind and available sun and I set the pallets up. I found that taking the initiative underscored the importance of the task effectively and having it all organized and ready to go made the whole operation a good deal more pleasant for him. Reduce the work to "from the neck down" and hopefully he'll be more receptive. If he continues to be an obstinant pain your ass, hire out "his" part of the job and help your hired worker yourself!

Over the years of pulling into the marital yoke I've learned that sometimes taking charge of a situation that irritates the piss out of you is the best course of action. When the house is a disaster I simply make a list and start plugging away. Interestingly, the husband usually cannot stand to be "left out" and, like a moth to a flame, he hovers around and then is more than willing to help me out.

LOL about greasey, metal "finds" weighing in excess of 50 lbs.. I understand.

Ah, Bobbin - I can see we have much in common. I'd like to sit on the porch with you in the dog days summer with a couple of cold beers and compare notes.
("ie rebutting "arguements" based on little fact and good rhetoric.; a desire to clean up the multiple piles of rounds that were stockpiled around our estate. )

Yes, yes, yes.

On the other hand...

"taking charge of a situation that irritates the piss out of you is the best course of action." - I have so many tasks that fall into that category...

see... I have a full time job (40 hrs) - plus 1.5 hrs commute each day. He does not have a job and is a struggle to get him to do/complete anything..

That's why I sort of fell silent on this thread, as I started to respond I found I could not say anything without saying that (as some folks touched on in their posts -ie think that if I got half the wood already done than he will not bother to get ahead - I think that too) - guess that says more about where I'm at than anything else...

I have made numerous replies all of which I have declined to post. I want to delete this one too, but am just going to hit " Submit Post" anyway...

Ok, Ash Can me, please!

 

[PapaDave]

Hehehe... my sympathies on this one. I suspect that the old man is feeling a little bit threatened that wifey has done more studying and has a finer, more nuanced touch with the new stove. Ask me how I know this. I have a good man who tends toward the "know it all" side, too. And I take great delight in patiently ccThat crap may fool others but after 25 yrs. I'm wise to it.

I fear this season is pretty much a lost cause for the two of you. The solution to the wet wood controversy is to minimize the amount of wet wood you have in your woodshed. I propose that you take control of processing the wood. That is what I did, although I insisted on it more out of c I simply began asking for his help for 4-5 hrs. on our mutual days off. I had already worked out the siting of the stacks to take best advantage of the prevailing wind and available sun and I set the pallets up. I found that taking the initiative underscored the importance of the task effectively and having it all organized and ready to go made the whole operation a good deal more pleasant for him. Reduce the work to "from the neck down" and hopefully he'll be more receptive. If he continues to be an obstinant pain your ass, hire out "his" part of the job and help your hired worker yourself!

Over the years of pulling into the marital yoke I've learned that sometimes taking charge of a situation that irritates the piss out of you is the best course of action. When the house is a disaster I simply make a list and start plugging away. Interestingly, the husband usually cannot stand to be "left out" and, like a moth to a flame, he hovers around and then is more than willing to help me out.

LOL about greasey, metal "finds" weighing in excess of 50 lbs.. I understand.

Ah, Bobbin - I can see we have much in common. I'd like to sit on the porch with you in the dog days summer with a couple of cold beers and compare notes.
("ie rebutting "arguements" based on little fact and good rhetoric.; a desire to clean up the multiple piles of rounds that were stockpiled around our estate. )

Yes, yes, yes.

On the other hand...

"taking charge of a situation that irritates the piss out of you is the best course of action." - I have so many tasks that fall into that category...

see... I have a full time job (40 hrs) - plus 1.5 hrs commute each day. He does not have a job and is a struggle to get him to do/complete anything..

That's why I sort of fell silent on this thread, as I started to respond I found I could not say anything without saying that (as some folks touched on in their posts -ie think that if I got half the wood already done than he will not bother to get ahead - I think that too) - guess that says more about where I'm at than anything else...

I have made numerous replies all of which I have declined to post. I want to delete this one too, but am just going to hit " Submit Post" anyway...

Ok, Ash Can me, please!

Wife and I both do this, ...most of the time. Somehow, it all works out. However, you seem to have a guy who's at the least, a little clueless, and at worst, just a lazy sob.
Here's one that ought to give you a good chuckle (or something). While doing some work last January, I broke my right arm. I'm r/h'ed. Since my arm was just kind of flopping around, I was kept in the hospital overnight, then surgery was done the following day to put in a plate over the break. Ok, done with the backstory.
When I got home, there was 0(Zero), wood in the house, and the fire was down to almost nothing. Our oldest daughter and her kids were staying with us at the time. I was so pissed off, I almost blew a gasket. I went in the house, dropped a couple things on my desk, then went right out the door to start getting wood. Propped the door open, and THREW wood into the house. Do you suppose ANYONE would help? Not a one. I was on pain meds, and probably not in the best of moods.
Now, everyone in my wife's family is VERY intelligent, but sometimes lack common sense. That was one of those times.
Just one of those things where you have to "do what 'ya gotta' do". I know, doesn't help.
Just dump him. :ahhh: Is that better?

 

[branchburner]

I just can't get him to see how important dry wood is. I can't get him to understand the stove.

So stop trying.
He will see, learn, and understand on his own. Or he won't.
If he's as childish as I am (and it sounds like he is) he doesn't want to learn these things from you.
So maybe this isn't about wood, stove, fire, heat. You just gave the most important bit of info in this thread: you work, he don't. I've been there, been the guy who now has more time and gets less done. Frustration and resentment pop up in the strangest places. My wife has (mostly) learned she can't fix me.
I think it's a healthy thing to get out your most recent post. Good luck!

 

[ansehnlich1]

He does not have a job and is a struggle to get him to do/complete anything..

:coolmad: me no likey what me thinkin'.....best keep my mouth shut on this one

 

[Berone]

Nothing you do this season with the wood you have is going to dry it for this season. Wait until it gets warm and you have a day off. Hire a couple of young, good looking guys to come and process all of the wood. Do it on the hottest day possible so they wear as little as possible. Sit on the porch with a beer and enjoy the view.

 

[jadm]

Don't know if anyone has mentioned this - too many replies to read - but woodheat.org has some very good articles on the 'whys and wherefores' on the science of burning wood. Short, sweet and to the point.

From the sounds of it though it doesn't appear as though your husband is open to learning about seasoned wood at this point.

Good Luck and hang in there. Something is bound to change in time.

 

[Bobbin]

Nothing lights my fuse faster than perpetual loafing at the expense of cleaning up little messes and getting things that need doing done. The way I see it, when he's not working as much it's his turn to pick up the housework ball and run with it. Just the way it is when I'm not working as much. Fair is fair and it's always important to be respectful of how the other person feels about certain things. Making that point without totally pissing the other person off is the devil in the details. Ask me how I know this.

I am the one who tends to be bothered by accumulated clutter and mess; I'm naturally organized, punctual, and neat... boot camp would have been a breeze for me. He doesn't see any of the things that drive me nuts until I begin pointing them out, lol. So, I've simply found that asking for certain things on a list to be accomplished by thus and such a time is the quickest way to get it done and avoid unnecessary snarling and hide loss. He can get kind of pissy about it every so often, but then, so can I. I find helping to organize things and then offering my assistance is the easiest route to getting things done. Along with an appreciative, "looks great, thanks dear!" and maybe his favorite cake or snack item.

I don't think you'd be out of line for insisting that the wood be addressed in a timely fashion. It is part of the way you heat your home, and it only makes sense to get it all ready so you can really enjoy the investment in your new stove. He clearly has the time, and if he picked away at it a little bit every day it'd be finished in no time. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part of any major cleaning project. Hang in there!

 

[firefighterjake]

HehHeh . . . not laughing at you SZ . . . just think it's funny how the poor Maine men are getting bashed here . . . first Bobbin's husband messing up the stove and now your husband. Gotta love a strong-willed woman . . . someone who isn't afraid to take charge. I like you guys . . . I really do . . . and I suspect you would like my wife . . . although I think she would be the first to say that I run the stove pretty well and I am not a slacker.

First off, your husband is wrong SZ . . . yup . . . plain wrong. You can tell him that a veteran firefighter in the big city told you that. Dry wood is important when it comes to burning wood. Heck, it's all about dry wood. Sure, it may seem like the dry wood will burn up faster based on all those flames from the secondary action, but you know what . . . you're getting heat from those flames . . . plus if you run the stove right you can get a long burn at the same time you're getting all that heat. Trust me on this. Last year I burned wood that was semi-seasoned and I did OK . . . this year I'm burning wood that is well seasoned and I'm pumping out the heat and getting longer burn times . . . not to mention the fact that burning hotter and burning seasoned wood equals less creosote and less of a fire danger. Oh yeah, if that doesn't work, try shaming him . . . tell him if he doesn't swiften up and fly right I'll come down and show him how to burn the wood!

All kidding (well some kidding) aside . . . I know how guys think because . . . shocker of shockers . . . I'm a guy. We often like to think we know everything or we think we know everything . . . when in fact we may know next to nothing. My wife has re-educated me to this fact. As Daleeper said the key is not to nag the guy or preach to the guy since he will just tune you out and resent it . . . instead you let him "discover" the facts by allowing him to try to get the woodstove to burn well for a week or so . . . and let him clean out the creosote in the chimney . . . and when he's tired of fussing with the stove and starts to blame it on the new stove switch over to the good wood for a week . . . and hopefully he'll "discover all by himself" that dry wood is really the best and only way to heat a home.

As for the wood processing . . . I like Bobbin's take . . . start doing it yourself. If he is half a man I suspect he'll begrudingly or at least will feel guilty enough to go out and start helping you . . . after all if he is the type of guy I think he is he will justify the fact that he has to help you since he knows more than you, knows how to run the saw, can split wood better, etc.

Finally, I would be very frustrated . . . marriage is a partnership. My wife is my best friend . . . and I try to treat her as I would treat myself. I would not to work alone and so we often work together on projects, housework, wood, etc. When I am home on weekends I do some housework . . . and when she is home alone on weekdays she does some housework. Heck, even when it comes to cooking we do it 50-50 . . . more or less . . . whoever cooks, doesn't have to clean up and vice versa (although she says I tend to have a lot more pots and pans then she does as she cleans them up as she goes.)

Best of luck to you . . . and let us know how things go . . . if nothing else, try to get him to realize that dry wood is really, truly the best and only way to heat . . .

 

[sandie]

Oh we would not want to hurt the old man's feelings and have him know you know as much or by the sounds of it more than he does about using dry wood for hot fires with less creosote. My advice is similar, let him run the stove and he will see when he puts in wet wood it does not get hot, period and that he is causing a fire hazard, plain and simple.
We all get bullheaded sometimes but maybe print out this discussion with all the people saying he is a bonehead and maybe he will realize he needs to listen to you a bit and get dry wood for this year and season his wood now for next year and the year after.
There are some guys who will never listen and some are great and they learn along with the wife how to do stuff which is great for both.

 

[Bobbin]

It really is pretty funny that when the topic of improper stove operation or firewood processing comes up it's assumed that it's men complaining about women... . Always makes me chuckle. Best thing is, we're all here for the same reason, to get the most of our stoves and have some laughs chewin' the fat about it.

 

[firefighterjake]

It really is pretty funny that when the topic of improper stove operation or firewood processing comes up it's assumed that it's men complaining about women... . Always makes me chuckle. Best thing is, we're all here for the same reason, to get the most of our stoves and have some laughs chewin' the fat about it.

+1 . . . I get a kick out of guys thinking that somehow working with wood and tending a fire is "man's work" . . . when in quite a few countries tending the fire is "woman's work."