Soundchasm
Minister of Fire
Or a stack of guitars 4' X 4' X 8'.
You'd want a stack of electrics for the hardwood and not a pile of acoustics because of the air and the spruce. Use the acoustics as kindling. I think if you got a couple Martins going you could chuck in a Les Paul and it would catch. Unscrupulous sellers will slip in plexiglass and graphite and carbon fiber electrics.