Wood stove Joke of the Day

[Corie]

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

'Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them
logs, but he's hidin' it there.."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's ! Floyd.. ..Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

 

[swestall]

Corie, you are the BOMB........

Gave me a chuckle for sure.

Send me a PM, how are you?

 

[Eric Johnson]

I can think of at least one prominent member who would do it without having to involve the police.

 

[Metal]

My daughters favorite joke:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

Sorry, it doesn't take much to humor a four year old : )

 

[Backwoods Savage]

Did you hear about the guy who thought logarithm was a type of birth control for a north woods couple?

How does a wood carver make a block of wood look so realistic? Wittle by wittle.

Lawyer: “Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?”
Witness: “No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.”

Could have posted more but would have trouble cleaning them up!

 

[begreen]

HAND SAW OR CHAINSAW?

Old Jake had cut firewood by hand with a swede saw for a living going on 50 years. He averaged about four cords a day. His son was home from college and watching him work remarked, "You could probably cut 10 times as much if you bought yourself a chainsaw."

"Not interested in those new fangled things," Jake responded.

His son returned to college and Jake began to think that maybe the young guy was right; his old body seemed to ache more and more at the end of the day. So he went into town and bought a brand new top-of-the-line chainsaw.

The first couple days were not very productive--he only cut one cord each day. By the third day he had cut 3 cords but was dead tired. "This is not working," he thought to himself, "My son said I should be able to cut 10 cords a day. I'm taking this stupid thing back."

The next day he was in the hardware store complaining to the sales clerk about his lack of production. "Blade seems a little dull, but not that bad. Let's start it up," the clerk muttered as he pulled the starting cord.

"What the hell is that noise?" Jake hollered.

 

[hilly]

I swear this is true. I worked in a hardware store during the summers of my university years and we sold this work glove called the "Hand Job". I thought the name was quite clever and I realized the marketing departments wit didn't end there when I read the motto "It's better than nothing".

 

[HumaneSocietySteve]

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD

I don't find very many things humorous but this was great. I will definitely be retelling this one. Thanks for the laugh.