joke of the day

[lefties]

hope you all get a good laugh from this,and mods i hope its not in violation.



A very tired nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Standing at the teller’s window, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write a check. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and says without missing a beat:

“Well, that's great....that's just great..........some butthole's got my pen!”

 

[Montanalocal]

 

[SeanBB]

A man received the following text from his neighbour.

"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess..
I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, I have probably been getting more than you. I do not get it at home – but
that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my
sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again. ”

Bob, anguished and betrayed, went directly into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and
without a word, shot his wife dead.

A few moments later, a second text came in, "Bloody Auto spell!! Sorry Bob, the
second sentence should have said ‘your Wi fi’

 

[begreen]

 

[JimBear]

View attachment 225367

Is that a Gary Larson “Farside”? I can’t read the info in the corner.

 

[begreen]

This is Gary Larson. He's a local and a fave of mine.

 

[JimBear]

I used to really enjoy getting the daily paper & seeing which one they had put in for the day. Tales from the Farside played on TV several years @ Halloween. Every time I see a Farside calendar or book it just makes my day.

 

[begreen]

This is my Halloween favorite by Larson. Maybe my all time favorite of his too.

 

[Montanalocal]

Is that a Gary Larson “Farside”? I can’t read the info in the corner.

It is by john Deering.
https://www.cartoonistgroup.com/subject/The-Emergency-Comics-and-Cartoons-by-Strange+Brew.php

 

[Sprinter]

Anyone know what cowboy sex is?

Okay, it's when you can't stay on for more than 8 seconds. kaboom.

 

[begreen]

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."


Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.


Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"


Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."


Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"


Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!


You've got your taste back. That will be $500."


Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.


Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."


Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."


Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"


Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."


Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.


Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"


Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).


Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"


Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."


Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

 

[My_3_Girls]

Three guys walk into a bar....

I would have ducked after I saw the first one hit it