# You Know You Are A Real Wood Burner If _________



## BrotherBart (Nov 29, 2013)

"You know that 'The Dixie Eyed Hustle' isn't a street con game in the French Quarter."

Little late this year but waited for everybody to be burning across the country. Go for it gang.


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## eclecticcottage (Nov 29, 2013)

You look at your "weather station" and it's 8 outside and 80 in...with NO complaining about cost!!


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## Baker_Falcon (Nov 29, 2013)

You are not "that guy" filling up 5 gallon containers of fuel oil at the local station on a frigid night with the wife at home crying it is too cold in the house.  Instead, you are at home walking around your living room in your underwear


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## fossil (Nov 29, 2013)

You've seen this same thread start up every fall/winter for a number of years now.


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## Dix (Nov 29, 2013)

fossil said:


> You've seen this same thread start up every fall/winter for a number of years now.




Yeah, but I love the first line !


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## Dix (Nov 29, 2013)

" ..... the new neighbors have been checking out your wood stacks, and after the oil truck leaves their place (ouch!! ) for the second time in 2 weeks, they come over and ask if you heat with wood and then want to know the cost, come in and check out the stoves, feel the heat in the house, ask a bazillion questions that get answered, get my wood guys phone number, and the 2 days later there are 2 cords of wood sitting in their driveway to get a head start on next year  ."


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## Slow1 (Nov 29, 2013)

...you can't drive by a tree crew working without stopping to see where the wood is going to be going
...you have developed a distaste for those chippers that can eat a 24" diameter oak trunk


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## brenndatomu (Nov 29, 2013)

...when you can drive down your street and be able to tell what kind of wood the neighbors are burning with one wiff! (and who is _really_ burning dry wood and who's not! )

or, when your wife is sooo tired of hearing about how the neighbor could save so much wood if he'd just put an insert in that ole fireplace!


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## stejus (Nov 29, 2013)

you have at least 2 to 3 years of wood on hand so you have dry seasoned wood.  I keep looking at all the chimney's around here blowing smoke.  Could be some of them are still burning with pre EPA stoves though...


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## osagebow (Nov 29, 2013)

Your thanksgiving guests ask you to open a door to cool things down. And it's 22 degrees outside.

Your buddy "Savage" isn't a bookie or loanshark.


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## vwmike (Nov 29, 2013)

You wife complains the house is too hot!


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## begreen (Nov 29, 2013)

You stack wood in your sleep.


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## luv2byte (Nov 29, 2013)

When your AC kicks on but it's only 32f outside.


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## billb3 (Nov 29, 2013)

You check the room thermometer(s) every time you are anywhere near one to gauge how well you have balanced idling the fire down with producing enough heat to stay toasty warm.


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## Big_b (Nov 29, 2013)

You check craigslist every day for free wood.


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## fossil (Nov 29, 2013)

You stack wood when you're awake.


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## Sinngetreu (Nov 29, 2013)

5 cords is "a good start".


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## BrotherBart (Nov 29, 2013)

"You are at risk of wrecking your car driving in town and can't keep from looking at chimneys to see if they look like they have a liner."

(I was more at risk of that when I was shopping for a new roof.)


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## PLAYS WITH FIRE (Nov 29, 2013)

Funny you said that....I had to check to make sure mine was off!lolol





luv2byte said:


> When your AC kicks on but it's only 32f outside.


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## pen (Nov 29, 2013)

if....... you are the only guy around that knows fiskars makes more than scissors, and finds the need to share that information whenever the opportunity arises.


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## Wingman (Nov 29, 2013)

"your 4 year old son can tell the difference between Oak and Mulberry."
"your 6 year old daughter knows the dried weight of a cord of said Oak and Mulberry."
(ok, just kidding on the second one.)


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## BrotherBart (Nov 29, 2013)

""When everybody at work roll their eyes back in their head when you start talking about wood burning again,.".


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## molly1414 (Nov 30, 2013)

When your driving somewhere and you slow down to admire other people's wood stacks.     

When you see a tree cut up into rounds on someone's property and wonder if they want to keep it or no

When on trips out of town you have to stop into wood stove shops just to check out the stoves they carry.


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## Stella (Nov 30, 2013)

When the best present anyone can give you is free wood!  A Greek friend offered us all the branches pruned from his olive trees.  Wonderful wood for the next burning season when stripped of the leaves which are then used for fertiliser round the trees.  Like very much the idea of burning with a sustainable resource and the heat from olive is good.


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## dafattkidd (Nov 30, 2013)

You forget Oslo is a location.


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## dafattkidd (Nov 30, 2013)

Anyone who has the last name "Osborne" you mispronounce "Osburn".


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## Seanm (Nov 30, 2013)

When you go to the city mall and your 12 year old daughter looks into a clothing store display that has some wood in it and says dad birch!
When your kids can tell the difference between aspen and birch
When your kids say dad don't you think the stove needs more wood?
When your daughter goes to her friends house and when she returns you ask If her friends dad has bigger stacks then me.
When youre at the office and the big as_ pile of wood that's on city land in plain view through the front windows that you've watched for months is lit on fire cause you don't have room for it and you comment to the secretary who says man wood is an obsession for you.
When your friends find it weird that you talk about moisture content.
When the world was going to end and your friends said they would move in and protect your stacks with their guns so we could all stay warm.
I could go on......


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## rideau (Nov 30, 2013)

you get pleasure out of tending your stove and maintaining good fires, enjoy experimenting....and sharing experienes...


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## rideau (Nov 30, 2013)

You go to hearth.com when you can't sleep....


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## pjohnson (Nov 30, 2013)

When your wood stove and chainsaws are worth more then your 3 cars.


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## btuser (Nov 30, 2013)

When you take all the cushions off the couches and go camping in the living room.


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## Excavator (Nov 30, 2013)

When our in laws came over for Thanksgiving dinner with 22 degrees out side and we have the back door open and just sliding screen shut.
Yes it was just plain too hot in 4 bed room colonial house and cooking going on


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## blades (Nov 30, 2013)

When your dogs bring a couple of splits for the fire as a hint.


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## red oak (Nov 30, 2013)

When you're on vacation anywhere, even the beach or a thousand miles from home, and when you see wood cut into rounds on the side of the road you think about what you can get rid of in the car to haul those bad boys home.


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## chipsoflyin (Nov 30, 2013)

When you have replaced the rear window in your pickup truck more than once.


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## tsquini (Nov 30, 2013)

The only time the thermostat is above 60* is when you leave the house.


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## KaptJaq (Nov 30, 2013)

When you get a "divorce call" from you oil delivery service.  "You are not meeting our minimum delivery requirements for auto-delivery." or "your contract says we have to be your exclusive oil supplier." or ....

KaptJaq


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## dave_376 (Nov 30, 2013)

KaptJaq said:


> When you get a "divorce call" from you oil delivery service.  "You are not meeting our minimum delivery requirements for auto-delivery." or "your contract says we have to be your exclusive oil supplier." or ....
> 
> KaptJaq



I had to break out the pressure washer because the oil company resorted to putting stickers next to my fill pipe after I stopped getting oils.


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## Floydian (Nov 30, 2013)

....When you spend $15k on a wood gassification boiler+radiant floor system and your only backup is an old wood stove.


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## bob95065 (Nov 30, 2013)

chipsoflyin said:


> When you have replaced the rear window in your pickup truck more than once.



You need a headache rack on your truck.


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## Sons924 (Nov 30, 2013)

When you have to keep your coat and gloves on in a oil heated house because it's only 68 degrees.


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## Redbarn (Nov 30, 2013)

When you are driving home from Thanksgiving dinner and your city bred wife says "wow, look at that houses wood stacks"


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## Jim41 (Nov 30, 2013)

You turn your three acre house lot loaded with 70' oak trees into a desert within 3 years!!  LOL


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## Trktrd (Nov 30, 2013)

When you leave the stove room windows open all winter.


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## Sinngetreu (Nov 30, 2013)

When you roll down the back window of your work car on a winter night so you can fit one more cut up branch that you found at the dump in the back seat. 
When you turn your work car into a wood hauler. 
When you drool over Black Locust. 
When you classify tree species by BTU ratings and stack accordingly. 
When your wife burns a split that you have been saving and you get bummed that you didn’t get to see it burn.


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## STIHLY DAN (Nov 30, 2013)

bob95065 said:


> You need a headache rack on your truck.


 
when you have a headache rack and still break the rear window.


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## begreen (Nov 30, 2013)

When hearth.com is your screensaver.


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## BrianN (Nov 30, 2013)

When you look around your yard to see where you can put another pile of wood, where the wife won't mind, or, won't block the view.


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## adrpga498 (Nov 30, 2013)

When you cut the fall shoulder season off short because you have a larger  wood supply then needed (3 years out),and just go 24/7.


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## simple.serf (Nov 30, 2013)

When you use up all of your vacation time to cut and split wood- for two years from now.


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## tsquini (Nov 30, 2013)

Your 6 year old can stack wood better than the neighbors 
All winter you wear shorts around the house
Clothing dried takes a break during the winter


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 30, 2013)

BrotherBart said:


> "You know that 'The Dixie Eyed Hustle' isn't a street con game in the French Quarter."
> 
> Little late this year but waited for everybody to be burning across the country. Go for it gang.


Im sure im the only one here who DONT know what this means ,and i usually goggle everything i dont know, but id like to hear this explained  from You guys. What the heck is the dixie eyed hustle. MY NO 1 guess is ,getting up to a cold stove and getting it fired up really fast while dancing (hustle) and shivering.


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## BrotherBart (Nov 30, 2013)

One of the longest time members of the site.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 30, 2013)

As far as you know your a wood burner? Does having and using 4 EPA stoves and 4 home made wood stoves (in different locations of course) qualify?


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## Paul L (Nov 30, 2013)

your pickup's load capacity is however much wood you can strap on.


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## tahoostas (Nov 30, 2013)

The minivan is infested with ticks.


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## Woody Stover (Nov 30, 2013)

....your girlfriend comments on the manly 'campfire smell' of your shorts.


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## tsquini (Nov 30, 2013)

You save pictures of tree crotches


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## Pdesjr (Nov 30, 2013)

You put an electric start 13HP engine on your logsplitter when the 8HP dies !Just because you can.


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## jatoxico (Nov 30, 2013)

You go outside at all hours of the day and night to wander through your stacks because you find it strangely relaxing.


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## Flatbedford (Nov 30, 2013)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Im sure im the only one here who DONT know what this means ,and i usually goggle everything i dont know, but id like to hear this explained  from You guys. What the heck is the dixie eyed hustle. MY NO 1 guess is ,getting up to a cold stove and getting it fired up really fast while dancing (hustle) and shivering.



Good guess, but wrong. 
https://www.hearth.com/talk/members/doing-the-dixie-eyed-hustle.5149/


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## rudysmallfry (Nov 30, 2013)

You keep a spray bottle of water near the stove just in case you have to put the cat "out" when it sleeps too close to the stove.


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## BrianN (Nov 30, 2013)

rudysmallfry said:


> You keep a spray bottle of water near the stove just in case you have to put the cat "out" when it sleeps too close to the stove.


My wife knows all about that one. Caught the cats tail on fire a few weeks ago.


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## acesneights1 (Nov 30, 2013)

Does this count..?


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## Flatbedford (Nov 30, 2013)

fossil said:


> You've seen this same thread start up every fall/winter for a number of years now.



That was my first thought. I'm gonna try and come up with a new one this year. Might take a while though.


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## Paulywalnut (Nov 30, 2013)

On a beautiful beach and wondering what kind of wood that driftwood is.


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## Paulywalnut (Nov 30, 2013)

You're the only one in your extended family that know what shoulder season is.


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## BrotherBart (Nov 30, 2013)

Paulywalnut said:


> You're the only one in your extended family that know what shoulder season is.



Unless they work in the travel industry where the phrase originated.


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## firefighterjake (Nov 30, 2013)

pen said:


> if....... you are the only guy around that knows fiskars makes more than scissors, and finds the need to share that information whenever the opportunity arises.


 
. . . or you are shocked to discover that Fiskars makes other products like scissors, bush clippers, etc. . . . and not just axes.


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## BrotherBart (Nov 30, 2013)

Flatbedford said:


> That was my first thought. I'm gonna try and come up with a new one this year. Might take a while though.



Hey. I can have a tradition can't I ? 

I still like the first one I started it with six years ago.

"When you are at a wine tasting and you say that the Cabernet is oakey with just a hint of creosote.".


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## jatoxico (Nov 30, 2013)

You keep an eye on the chimney of the house stove to gauge the burn while splitting wood and feeding the outdoor fire.


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## webby3650 (Nov 30, 2013)

When 90 out 100 pictures on your phone are of cool stoves, or last nights secondary fire!


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## cableman (Nov 30, 2013)

When you lol reading this thread cause every post is so true lol!!


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## Flatbedford (Nov 30, 2013)

Oh, here's one we haven't seen yet this year. You share pictures of your wood with other guys on the internet.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 30, 2013)

Paulywalnut said:


> On a beautiful beach and wondering what kind of wood that driftwood is.


Good one,also while on the beach wondering if palm trees would be soft wood or hard wood and if they are seasoned before they throw the pig on there to cook.


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## Sinngetreu (Dec 1, 2013)

Flatbedford said:


> Oh, here's one we haven't seen yet this year. You share pictures of your wood with other guys on the internet.



When you enjoy looking at pictures of other guys wood on the internet.


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## Paulywalnut (Dec 1, 2013)

You just know that 128 cubic feet is 4x4x8 impressing your non burning friends.


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## blades (Dec 1, 2013)

When you have more equipment for wood processing than yard care


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## RKK (Dec 1, 2013)

rideau said:


> You go to hearth.com when you can't sleep....



Caught me.


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## raiderfan (Dec 1, 2013)

When the term "morning wood" takes on a whole new meaning...


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## toddnic (Dec 1, 2013)

When you spend more time researching and corresponding on hearth.com than any other website.


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## drumbum (Dec 1, 2013)

When your cats shed more in the winter than summer.


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## setitonfire (Dec 1, 2013)

Your six year old daughter says,"Looks like we got some good secondaries going."


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## Dustin (Dec 1, 2013)

When a wind storm dumps a tree, missing your house by inches, you don't worry about the house, you're thankful for the free wood!


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## Dustin (Dec 1, 2013)

When you're uncle comes home from vacation to discover a probe thermo installed in his stack, with written burning instructions for his new EPA stove


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## setitonfire (Dec 1, 2013)

When you practice your axe swing like your golf swing.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 1, 2013)

When your spouse says it's time to feed the cat and you go bring in an armful of splits.


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## liteituprich (Dec 1, 2013)

Sinngetreu said:


> When you enjoy looking at pictures of other guys wood on the internet.


 When your neighbor comes over and asks "Do you have a wood fetish?"


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## Ram 1500 with an axe... (Dec 1, 2013)

You walk in the front door coming home from work and its cool in the house
And the family says, " the fire starter is home, start us a fire" which happened to me today, put a big smile on my face...


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## Mary Briggeman (Dec 1, 2013)

Your furnace hasn't kicked on all day even though it's only 35 degrees out.


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## Wingman (Dec 2, 2013)

When your kids figure out they could have a 4 bedroom 2 bath- playhouse...between your wood stacks.


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## KaptJaq (Dec 2, 2013)

When, as the holidays approach, strangers ring your bell to ask "How much for a couple of days worth of firewood?"

KaptJaq


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## Jags (Dec 2, 2013)

When you RFID tag every split of wood so that you can inventory it and retrieve it based off of the needed BTU's for the temp drop coming tomorrow.


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## Jags (Dec 2, 2013)

When you have over 13000 posts on hearth.com???


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## Dix (Dec 2, 2013)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Im sure im the only one here who DONT know what this means ,and i usually goggle everything i dont know, but id like to hear this explained  from You guys. What the heck is the dixie eyed hustle. MY NO 1 guess is ,getting up to a cold stove and getting it fired up really fast while dancing (hustle) and shivering.




Hi !!

<<<< The real Dixie Eyed Hustle 

My best bud has an APHA gelding named "Talk About Sonny. A few years ago we're at an APHA (American Paint Horse Association) show in Connecticut. Dixie is 3 years old of pissed off filly at the end of the lead before our first halter class (8 AM Saturday, a 2 day show), dancing and prancing her then 800 pounds around like bouncer in one of BB's Honky Tonks . My bud says "try this, do that, get after her" ( like I'm not already!! ) I shoot her a look and say "Easy for you to say, your standing there Talking About Sonny, and I'm over here Doin' The Dixie Eyed Hustle !!"

Love our "girls weekends away" !!

Dixie





First ride...





Back to your annual real wood burner thread !!


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## embers aplenty (Dec 2, 2013)

You hear about neighbors telling each other "when will he ever in his lifetime burn all that wood?"


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## embers aplenty (Dec 2, 2013)

When you go back out in the garage to look at the nice used Englander 30 NC that you just bought off of craigslist, just one more time before going to bed. Dreams do come true. Man she burns really sweet!


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## Seasoned Oak (Dec 2, 2013)

Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:


> Hi !!
> 
> <<<< The real Dixie Eyed Hustle
> 
> ...


Well THAT explains everything.


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## Dix (Dec 2, 2013)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Well THAT explains everything.



Thought it would


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## etiger2007 (Dec 2, 2013)

When your dog shivers outside when its 60 degrees.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 2, 2013)

When the gas meter reader walks away shaking his head.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 2, 2013)

When you hear grandma walking through the door telling the wife " I hope he has that wood burning thingy going"


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## infinitymike (Dec 2, 2013)

When you read all 102 posts!!


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## infinitymike (Dec 2, 2013)

When your son and his girlfriend are forced to take prom photos in front of your wood piles because you have taken over the whole backyard.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 3, 2013)

When you notice your new neighbor is using his fireplace often but has no wood stacks like you do


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## etiger2007 (Dec 3, 2013)

When your friends ask what's with the taser and it's just your moisture meter


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## dafattkidd (Dec 3, 2013)

Hearth.com is your social media


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## infinitymike (Dec 3, 2013)

When your friend who burns wood also is willing to come to your house and keep a fire going while you go to Florida for four days.  (True story)


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## teutonicking (Dec 3, 2013)

When your neighbor asks you, "When is it ever going to be enough firewood??"  [Answer: never]


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## Flatbedford (Dec 3, 2013)

teutonicking said:


> When your neighbor asks you, "When is it ever going to be enough firewood??"  [Answer: never]



I tell them that I'll have enough firewood just after I have enough money.


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## KaptJaq (Dec 3, 2013)

When you don't care if that tree that fell in the forest made any noise.  You just want to know where it is and is there access!

KaptJaq


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## Jags (Dec 3, 2013)

"I just replaced a Fisher Papa Bear with a brand new EPA stove and _man_ does that new stove pump out some heat."


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## KaptJaq (Dec 3, 2013)

You find the "Spill Response Team" in your yard because the oil truck driver "knew" the tank couldn't still be full.


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## teutonicking (Dec 3, 2013)

KaptJaq said:


> When you don't care if that tree that fell in the forest made any noise.  You just want to know where it is and is there access!
> 
> KaptJaq


 
and what kind of wood it was.


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 4, 2013)

Fort Wisers said:


> You can't help but chuckling when you walk by the "woodstoves" and at home depot....


  easy now, i build those stoves


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## Fort Wisers (Dec 4, 2013)

stoveguy2esw said:


> easy now, i build those stoves


 Sorry man, no offence meant, I deleted the post....


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 4, 2013)

Fort Wisers said:


> Sorry man, no offence meant, I deleted the post....


 


no worries FW   we're kinda proud of the products we put out.


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## KaptJaq (Dec 4, 2013)

stoveguy2esw said:


> easy now, i build those stoves



I took "woodstoves" with quotes to mean the electric "woodstoves".  The HD near us does not carry actual wood stoves.  They are special order on the web only.


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 4, 2013)

didnt think about it that way, the "faux" woodstoves are not my products. wasnt being malicious about it anyway.


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## Fort Wisers (Dec 4, 2013)

stoveguy2esw said:


> didnt think about it that way, the "faux" woodstoves are not my products. wasnt being malicious about it anyway.


 
All the home depots around here sell these little tin jobs that likely weigh about 100-150 lbs,....there's the odd half decent looking stove but they are few and far between.
You're more than justified in standing up for something you believe in......didn't take it as malicious at all!
The fact that you have enough pride to stand up for your product is proof enough for me that you build a good product.

It was my big mouth that started the trouble in the first place! 
Cheers....good group of people here


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## Fort Wisers (Dec 4, 2013)

Now that I've caused a thread high-jacking with my stupid home depot comment, let me see if I can get back on track:

- You have signage on your woodshed to help you organize your splits
- Your woodshed looks better than your real shed
- You can identify a wood species by the look and/or taste of the saw dust


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## tsquini (Dec 4, 2013)

You can talk about your wet wood in public without getting slapped.


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## Fort Wisers (Dec 4, 2013)

Wood burning has become a "lifestyle choice" and not merely something you do in the winter to keep the house warm.


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 4, 2013)

you  spread your knowledge of woodburning to those who ask (and those who may not ask)

responsible wood burners educate themselves as much as they do others


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## Soundchasm (Dec 4, 2013)

The only hair on your left arm is under your watchband.


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## sticks (Dec 4, 2013)

When in the middle of the day your wife sends you a picture of your stove burning so you know how it is doing.


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## xtrordinair (Dec 4, 2013)

whos wife does that ...ha ha ha


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## lazeedan (Dec 4, 2013)

sticks said:


> When in the middle of the day your wife sends you a picture of your stove burning so you know how it is doing.


My wife does this. Usually when we get a cold snap. She will ask me if I am cold at work.


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 4, 2013)

lazeedan said:


> My wife does this. Usually when we get a cold snap. She will ask me if I am cold at work.




BAHAHAHA she's  being a tease aint she?


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## WriteNoob (Dec 4, 2013)

tsquini said:


> You can talk about your wet wood in public without getting slapped.



Don't care how much wood I burn.  I start talking "wet wood" around here, I'm getting slapped.  Maybe it's just the smirk?


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## UNIMOGMAN (Dec 5, 2013)

An 82 year old man comes to the office asking for Viagra and offers you a mulberry tree he just cut down, commenting "you give me wood, I give you wood". Kind of scary for my first post, but it really happened. Hope I dont get kicked off. Been hanging around as a guest for 6-7 years. Been burning for 25 years. I just had to join when this topic came up to share my story. I promise I'll be more appropriate in the future. Not much time to post and keyboard poorly


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## Oregon aloha (Dec 5, 2013)

sticks said:


> When in the middle of the day your wife sends you a picture of your stove burning so you know how it is doing.



I think this has to be a common thing for wives to do, as mine has done the same thing.

When you rent a house for TG week and you clean the air intakes on the insert and re-stack their wood pile. 
When your TG guests arrive and you tell the how the dampness in the wood stove on the first day of your stay prevented you from getting good secondary action.
When you sit with your chair pointed toward the fire and all the others chairs are pointed toward the surf.


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## Fort Wisers (Dec 5, 2013)

You can't help but take a picture of something like this.........and then "accidently" include it in the family pictures.


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## firefighterjake (Dec 5, 2013)

When you wear a jacket in the office since it is way too cold for you.

When you re-stack your neighbor's woodpile that has toppled over . . . while he is away.

When you clean the gunked up glass on your friend's woodstove since you cannot see the flames.


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## logger (Dec 5, 2013)

... when you're back is shot.


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## USMC80 (Dec 5, 2013)

sticks said:


> When in the middle of the day your wife sends you a picture of your stove burning so you know how it is doing.



guilty


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## teutonicking (Dec 7, 2013)

Fort Wisers said:


> You can't help but take a picture of something like this.........and then "accidently" include it in the family pictures.


 
Nice woodshed.


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## heatwise (Dec 7, 2013)

You think you already replied to this thread  but your memory fails you again.


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## Dix (Dec 8, 2013)

UNIMOGMAN said:


> An 82 year old man comes to the office asking for Viagra and offers you a mulberry tree he just cut down, commenting "you give me wood, I give you wood". Kind of scary for my first post, but it really happened. Hope I dont get kicked off. Been hanging around as a guest for 6-7 years. Been burning for 25 years. I just had to join when this topic came up to share my story. I promise I'll be more appropriate in the future. Not much time to post and keyboard poorly




That is *THE  *best first post I have ever seen on this forum


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## Excavator (Dec 8, 2013)

Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:


> That is *THE  *best first post I have ever seen on this forum



Especially for all the die Hard WOOD burners


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## PapaDave (Dec 8, 2013)

When you go outside and can smell the stove exhaust and know how well the fire is burning w/o looking.
When someone mentions Frankie Avalon (this happens all the time, right?) and the name reminds you of a stove.


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## PapaDave (Dec 8, 2013)

Mary Briggeman said:


> Your furnace hasn't kicked on all day even though it's only 35 degrees out.


When your furnace hasn't kicked on at all for several years......because you killed the power and fuel to it.


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 8, 2013)

when the oil delivery man shows up without the tanker truck and asks what stove he should buy


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## stoveguy2esw (Dec 8, 2013)

you add an industrial air conditioning system so you can burn year round


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## Dix (Dec 19, 2013)

When the almost empty tote box of Christmas decorations ends up in line of the path for bringing firewood into the house, and you look at it and think to yourself "damn, I could pack 4 -  loads into that puppy, with out a doubt".

**I'm gonna do this, as soon as I can consolidate the stuff from one tote to the other **


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## chemical_man (Dec 20, 2013)

When your in-laws are over watching the kids and add wood to the stove:  "Where's the poker?" asks uncle; to which my son answers: "Daddy just uses his hand, he's tough"!   
Made me laugh when I got home!


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## xman23 (Dec 20, 2013)

If, after every wind storm you find yourself searching the woods for blown down trees.


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## 04HemiRam2500 (Dec 20, 2013)

You know you are a real wood burner when the neighbors stop on the road to look at your wood Pile(s)!

You know you are a real wood burner when you say good night to your wood stove!!


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## Dustin92 (Dec 20, 2013)

You know you are a real wood burner when you don't bother looking at the stove, but step outside and look at the chimney to see how well the stove is burning.


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## NWfuel (Dec 20, 2013)

Dustin92 said:


> You know you are a real wood burner when you don't bother looking at the stove, but step outside and look at the chimney to see how well the stove is burning.


 You are a real woodburner when you continue to enjoy the heat of your labor.  Also, when you can RELAX and watch your money burn !

Thomas


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## Toploader (Dec 21, 2013)

The only snow shovel you own sits outside the door closest to the wood pile.


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## Toploader (Dec 21, 2013)

You have to start up the oil furnace every once in a while just to see if it still works.


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## lowroadacres (Dec 21, 2013)

.....the first path that you shovel after a heavy snow fall is from the best stacks of wood to the door, window, or chute that you load the wood in through....


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## mass_burner (Dec 22, 2013)

When you check the culled wood area at Lowe's and HD for 80% off 2x6 to burn.


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## Charles1981 (Dec 22, 2013)

you get into an argument with your wife, grab your axe, grab a beer, and and split wood for 45 minutes.


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## Seasoned Oak (Dec 22, 2013)

When the ONLY thing your adamant your KEEPING during the property settlement of your DIVORCE  is your stove.  And the wood of course.


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## Oregon aloha (Dec 22, 2013)

When you have a wheel barrel for dirt and gravel, and a second and third one just for wood.


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## BrianN (Dec 22, 2013)

lowroadacres said:


> .....the first path that you shovel after a heavy snow fall is from the best stacks of wood to the door, window, or chute that you load the wood in through....


Just did that on Friday. Neighbors thought I was crazy. Clearing a path from the garage door to the wood pile, with a nice turn around so I can back the quad and trailer right up to the pile. Wife kind of thought I was crazy at first too.


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## lowroadacres (Dec 22, 2013)

BrianN said:


> Just did that on Friday. Neighbors thought I was crazy. Clearing a path from the garage door to the wood pile, with a nice turn around so I can back the quad and trailer right up to the pile. Wife kind of thought I was crazy at first too.




Bet she didn't laugh when the house was warm.


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## Toploader (Dec 22, 2013)

You think about mounting a mirror on the back of the stove so you can see the thermometer without getting out of your favorite chair.


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## PapaDave (Dec 22, 2013)

You also consider putting a remote controlled spotlight on the stove to check temps, when the stove room is dark.


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## Burner (Dec 22, 2013)

You place a camera that's hooked up to your computer on your stack so you can remotely watch for smoke.


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## aussiedog3 (Dec 22, 2013)

BrianN said:


> When you look around your yard to see where you can put another pile of wood, where the wife won't mind, or, won't block the view.


"When you use your wood piles to block some of the views on purpose."


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## xman23 (Dec 22, 2013)

When your friends call you "Woodey"


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## Woodman37 (Dec 27, 2013)

When you call your wife from work and ask how warm it is in the house and how long it's been since she's fired up last. And my 10 year old can identify locust, cherry, maple, and elm as soon as we split it! Ha ha.


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## brenndatomu (Dec 27, 2013)

firefighterjake said:


> When you clean the gunked up glass on your friend's woodstove since you cannot see the flames.


HA! Busted! I just did this at the inlaws house on Thanksgiving.


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## DougA (Dec 27, 2013)

Yesterday ... You fill the stove, then drive off to visit a relative in a distant hospital.  After 20 min of driving, you suddenly remember that you can't recall turning the damper down on the old VC. So you drive 20 min. home and are thankful that the stove is only at 800 and the house is still standing.


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## Fred Wright (Dec 27, 2013)

You're driving and can't keep your eyes on the road because you keep looking at trees, thinking you'd rather be in there with the saws.

Or when you take a break from cutting or splitting to watch gas and oil trucks go by on the road, knowing somebody's gonna get a big fat fuel bill today but it won't be you.


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## Seasoned Oak (Dec 27, 2013)

Even as you inevitably age and the mind starts to go, the body falls apart,the memory fades you think to yourself you will always have solace and bask in the warm glow of a wood fire. As opposed to most folks who have only reality show reruns to look forward to in their twilight years.


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## Sinngetreu (Dec 27, 2013)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Even as you inevitably age and the mind starts to go, the body falls apart,the memory fades you think to yourself you will always have solace and bask in the warm glow of a wood fire. As opposed to most folks who have only reality show reruns to look forward to in their twilight years.



I was fully expecting your message to read like this:

Even as you inevitably age and the mind starts to go, the body falls apart,the memory fades you...um... where was I going with this?


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## blueflash (Dec 27, 2013)

When there is a major ice storm knocking out the power for over 24 hrs, and Im at home warm & cooking bacon & eggs on my woodstove.....and all the people that told me a woodstove is too much work are asking to come over.


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## BrianN (Dec 27, 2013)

You look forward to going outside in the -20, just because you get to put on your warm coat, boots, toque and gloves that are warming up on the rack in the stove room.


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## Seasoned Oak (Dec 28, 2013)

Sinngetreu said:


> I was fully expecting your message to read like this:
> 
> Even as you inevitably age and the mind starts to go, the body falls apart,the memory fades you...um... where was I going with this?


I like your ending better


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## 1kzwoman (Dec 29, 2013)

On a trip to local dealer of wood heat / pellet heat stoves with your learning to talk Grand baby's comment is a WIDE EYED....HOT
As you enter display area.


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## WriteNoob (Dec 30, 2013)

You go with a friend, just to help him pick out his Xmas present/leaf blower, and wind up coming home with a $500.00 chainsaw. 

Or am I just weak-willed?


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## splitoak (Dec 30, 2013)

When your relatives call u the fire king..and your wife calls you the wood Nazi....lol


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## Trktrd (Dec 30, 2013)

When you get so aggravated your head could just EXPLODE trying to explain to your friend why NOT to burn green wood and he just ignores you. Not to mention he thinks you're a nutcase for waiting 3 years to burn your wood !


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## Seasoned Oak (Dec 30, 2013)

Trktrd said:


> When you get so aggravated your head could just EXPLODE trying to explain to your friend why NOT to burn green wood and he just ignores you. Not to mention he thinks you're a nutcase for waiting 3 years to burn your wood !


And he doesnt believe you heat the same size home with about a third of the wood he burns(or smolders).


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## 1kzwoman (Dec 30, 2013)

You have to explain your address...then they say " Oh,The house with all the wood!

It amazes me how many people want you to give them some of your hard earned seasoned splits "cause you have so much stacked". It was great, had a new neighbor who had proven he was an A**( by the way he treated 70 yr old former owner). Ask that once.
I smiled broadly and said not to you!
He owned the house less than 6 months!


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## Trktrd (Dec 30, 2013)

1kzwoman said:


> It amazes me how many people want you to give them some of your hard earned seasoned splits "cause you have so much stacked".


 
I just tell them NO it's not ready yet. And when it is ready it'll be just enough to get ME throuigh the winter.


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## Isaac Carlson (Dec 30, 2013)

when you realize that your truck has hauled over a million lbs of wood home.

No wonder it needs some fixing!


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## teutonicking (Dec 30, 2013)

You have to explain your address...then they say " Oh,The house with all the wood!

I've said that before.


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## infinitymike (Jan 1, 2014)

When the first thing you do in the New Year is log on to Hearth.com


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## mark cline (Jan 1, 2014)

You know you are a wood burner , when you can't wait to go out when its 0 F to check the mailbox in your t-shirt and shorts , smile as you get a glimpse of the chimney,  get back inside and say " man,  its hot in here"


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## mark cline (Jan 1, 2014)

You know your a woodburner , when you watch your stove secondaries burning , more than you watch TV.......


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## Osage (Jan 1, 2014)

Someone has lost a cottonwood round on I-35 in downtown Dallas @ 5:00pm and you stop your pickup and run across 5 lanes of traffic to get it.


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## Osage (Jan 1, 2014)

Your wife indicates that she's feeling a little frisky and heads down the hall and you show up in your saw chaps.


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## infinitymike (Jan 2, 2014)

Osage said:


> Your wife indicates that she's feeling a little frisky and heads down the hall and you show up in your saw chaps.



Oh no...I just got a visual and it wasn't nice


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## Excavator (Jan 2, 2014)

infinitymike said:


> When the first thing you do in the New Year is log on to Hearth.com


I logged on as soon as I brought another truck load home from my yard where I split on new years day


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## lazeedan (Jan 2, 2014)

When you clear a path to the wood shed before clearing the driveway.


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## bmblank (Jan 2, 2014)

The car pretty easily drives through several inches of snow. It's hard to pull a couple hundred pounds of wood through the same snow in a wagon.


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## Oregon aloha (Jan 2, 2014)

lazeedan said:


> When you clear a path to the wood shed before clearing the driveway.



When you clear a path to the wood shed and don't bother the clear the driveway.


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## Fort Wisers (Jul 1, 2014)

It's 95F outside and you're talking to the gang about wood heat

Sorry, I had to post this.........


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## Rebelduckman (Jul 1, 2014)

Your working on 3rd year wood when it's 98° outside and 70% humidity and loving every minute of it


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## Fort Wisers (Jul 1, 2014)

....you're alternating between building a new hearth and checking hearth.com forum for the latest post....ever 10 minutes.....


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## infinitymike (Jul 1, 2014)

When it's 98* and are actually burning wood to heat your DHW


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## Charles1981 (Jul 1, 2014)

You get really really excited about your local forester dropping off a load of log length wood, and everyone replies: "being a forester is a real thing?!?"


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## prezes13 (Jul 1, 2014)

When your wife gets mad at you thinking you are watching porn on the computer when you are on www.hearth.com


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## prezes13 (Jul 1, 2014)

When in a 90 degree weather you are building a fire pit so you can safely burn wood in summer.


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## prezes13 (Jul 1, 2014)

When you don't get mad seeing an oil deliver truck on your street.

When you smile at high prices of heating oil.

When in winter everybody at work is sick of hearing how hot it was inside your house last evening.

When in fall, winter you are excited about dropping temperature outside.


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## infinitymike (Jul 1, 2014)

prezes13 said:


> When your wife gets mad at you thinking you are watching porn on the computer when you are on www.hearth.com




Uhhhh,  looking at wood on the computer is porn.


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## Charles1981 (Jul 1, 2014)

my porn is wood


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## 05ramctd (Jul 2, 2014)

Your family and friends consider you a wood wh*re.


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## DanCorcoran (Jul 2, 2014)

When you seriously consider installing oversized A/C units in your summer cabin, so that you can burn the woodstove year round.


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## BrotherBart (Jul 2, 2014)

When your wife says "If you say come and look at this guy's wood one more time, me and the kids are leaving.".


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## nola mike (Jul 2, 2014)

You're reading hearth.com in July when it's 97' outside...


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## BrotherBart (Jul 2, 2014)

nola mike said:


> You're reading hearth.com in July when it's 97' outside..



Actually, in a couple of weeks is when the traffic starts picking up here every year.


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## Parallax (Jul 2, 2014)

When you're looking forward to the 4th of July so you can run your chain saw and cut, split and stack wood. 

When, approaching the 3 weeks of summer in coastal Washington, you're looking forward to fall so you can start using your stove.


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## Parallax (Jul 2, 2014)

And . . . if you run your stove in summer with the window like this:


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## begreen (Jul 2, 2014)

OK, ok, enough with the pictures P. There is no need to show it in every thread.


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## Parallax (Jul 2, 2014)

It just seems to belong everywhere.


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## BrotherBart (Jul 2, 2014)




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## Flatbedford (Jul 2, 2014)

When the google street view of you house shows you moving firewood.


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## bob95065 (Jul 3, 2014)

Flatbedford said:


> When the google street view of you house shows you moving firewood.
> View attachment 134998



Is that a Cub Cadet pulling that trailer?


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## Flatbedford (Jul 4, 2014)

bob95065 said:


> Is that a Cub Cadet pulling that trailer?



Yes. Its my 1972 149.


I also have a '73


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## JA600L (Jul 4, 2014)

When you have an effective barrier wall from your neighbor.


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## infinitymike (Jul 5, 2014)

Or worse, when your neighbor calls the town and he comes over your house to complain about the wood burning smell and occasional smoke. 


I guess I don't have an effective barrier wall. 

Sorry,  you're down wind of the NW winter winds.  Maybe you'll have to move since the town says I'm all legal


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## BKVP (Jul 5, 2014)

When you do it for a career (speaking with dealers and consumers 12 hours a day and logging 100k miles traveling across our GREAT country to see dealers) and then on the Fourth of July ....you look forward to some time to cut wood!


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## webby3650 (Jul 5, 2014)

05ramctd said:


> Your family and friends consider you a wood wh*re.


 
I've been called that. As well as stove slut.


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## brenndatomu (Jul 5, 2014)

Stove slut: He who will stick his wood in anything?


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## webby3650 (Jul 5, 2014)

brenndatomu said:


> Stove slut: He who will stick his wood in anything?


 
No, I must have the best! AKA Blaze King!


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## woodsman416 (Jul 5, 2014)

When it's 90 degrees outside and your on Hearth.com!


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## Parallax (Jul 5, 2014)

webby3650 said:


> No, I must have the best! AKA Blaze King!



When one loves the curves on a Blaze King.


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## gzecc (Jul 6, 2014)

The oil company assumed you weren't a customer anymore because you haven't ordered oil in quite some time.


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## bob95065 (Jul 7, 2014)

Flatbedford said:


> Yes. Its my 1972 149.
> View attachment 135034
> 
> I also have a '73
> View attachment 135035


 
Nice Cubs!  I have a 1450 and a 1000 that I grew up on in Illinois.  I picked up the 1450 from a craigslist ad earlier this year and completely rebuilt it.

I am looking for a decent trailer.  Cub Cadets are few and far between out here.


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## Flatbedford (Jul 7, 2014)

It seems like most of the Cubs ended up in Pennsylvania and the Mid West. Not much near me either.


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## Huntindog1 (Jul 7, 2014)

When out for a drive the wife says, thats a nice house and I say, did you see that wood pile outback.


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## prezes13 (Jul 7, 2014)

When they call you a WOOD BANDIT


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## BKVP (Jul 7, 2014)

Lest ye believe all us desk jockey's are full of it!


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## BKVP (Jul 7, 2014)

Before and after pictures from the 4th!  Note, bottle of IBU now empty!


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## craigbaill (Jul 7, 2014)

...when someone says "Woodstock" and you automatically think of the stove , not the place!


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## TradEddie (Jul 7, 2014)

When you're reading hearth.com in July!

TE


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## Parallax (Jul 7, 2014)

Flatbedford said:


> It seems like most of the Cubs ended up in Pennsylvania and the Mid West. Not much near me either.



When I was a kid, my dad had a lawn service on Long Island. I used to work with him. We had a Cub that I used to ride over the larger properties, mowing lawns, spreading chemicals and aerating. That was around 1977 or "78.


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## marco nunes (Jul 7, 2014)

when your wife asks you how your collection wood stoves are going to hang around and you don't answer ,than she uses your jotul 602n as a lamp end table.


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## smokedragon (Jul 7, 2014)

Your wife says "I know you are out of room to stack wood, but do you think you could find another place for __________"

I have 12 cord c/s/s and another 2 cord of rounds that need to be split.  I literally am out of pallets and the wife is still drumming up free wood.  

She likes being warm


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## Ashful (Jul 8, 2014)

... no one believes you when you say, "that's about two year's worth of wood."

Just about every visitor to my house makes an exclamation something like, "Holy carp, that's a lot of wood!  You're stocked up for the next fifteen years?"


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## bmblank (Jul 8, 2014)

I get the opposite. People say they have enough for a year and I say that'd probably heat my house and water over the summer for two years.


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## Parallax (Jul 8, 2014)

Being new, I find myself wondering how long the 10 cords of wood I have cut and stacked (plus the other six or so I'm still working on) will last.


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## Ashful (Jul 8, 2014)

Parallax said:


> Being new, I find myself wondering how long the 10 cords of wood I have cut and stacked (plus the other six or so I'm still working on) will last.


Figure 3 - 5 cords per stove per year, depending on heat load and size of stove.  I'm running two big (3.0 cu.ft.) stoves, with very high heat load, so I'm at 8 - 10 cords per year.


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## Parallax (Jul 8, 2014)

Joful said:


> Figure 3 - 5 cords per stove per year, depending on heat load and size of stove.  I'm running two big (3.0 cu.ft.) stoves, with very high heat load, so I'm at 8 - 10 cords per year.



I've got a 2650 square foot home in coastal Washington state where temperatures are moderate. The place has an open floor plan and is well insulated. I'm running a Blaze King Ashford. With all those positive factors, I'm hoping to get by on 2.5 to 3 cords a year at comfortable temperatures. We'll see.


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## Ashful (Jul 8, 2014)

Parallax said:


> I've got a 2650 square foot home in coastal Washington state where temperatures are moderate. The place has an open floor plan and is well insulated. I'm running a Blaze King Ashford. With all those positive factors, I'm hoping to get by on 2.5 to 3 cords a year at comfortable temperatures. We'll see.


Use your prior oil, gas, or electric use, combined with some estimated system efficiency, to calculate your previously produced BTU's per year.  Then multiply by maybe 1.3 - 1.5, depending on how often your home and what your prior thermostat schedule was, to account for the fact that you won't be turning down the temperature in the house overnight / when you're away at work.  Then divide that by your wood stove efficiency, and the BTU/cord value for the type of wood you burn, and you'll have a darn close estimate of how many cords you'll use per year.


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## begreen (Jul 8, 2014)

2.5 - 3 cords a year is what we burn in an old 2000 sq ft farmhouse in the same region. 

Note this thread is getting hijacked...


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## Ashful (Jul 8, 2014)

begreen said:


> Note this thread is getting hijacked...


You're right!

You know you are a real wood burner if... you're going to look at a THIRD Jotul Firelight 12 this weekend.    (Yes, it's true...)


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## begreen (Jul 8, 2014)

Get a good wood boiler system for that barn.


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## smokedragon (Jul 8, 2014)

Joful said:


> You know you are a real wood burner if... you're going to look at a THIRD Jotul Firelight 12 this weekend.


Now that is the statement that makes me say "holy carp".......


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## Parallax (Jul 8, 2014)

begreen said:


> 2.5 - 3 cords a year is what we burn in an old 2000 sq ft farmhouse in the same region.
> 
> Note this thread is getting hijacked...



You know you're an anxious new wood burner if you routinely highjack threads to address your anxiety.


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## Ashful (Jul 8, 2014)

Heh... this is a white one, purch in 1994 and only used a few times.  I hate to say it, but it I will be using it for spare parts, if I buy it.

You know... if you're sitting poolside in July, but still reading hearth.com.


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## infinitymike (Aug 1, 2014)

When you save the coals from the week long camping trip you just got home from, to help get the gasifier going to get the DHW up to temp.


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## Adios Pantalones (Aug 1, 2014)

When you spend Thursday doing this (the Melvin's and my welding gloves make me feel like a super villain)


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## begreen (Aug 1, 2014)

Couldn't do that out here. It's much too dry right now.


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## BrotherBart (Aug 1, 2014)

When your annual "You know...." thread looks like it is gonna keep running till its usual Fall re-post this time.


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## BrotherBart (Aug 1, 2014)

Adios Pantalones said:


> When you spend Thursday doing this (the Melvin's and my welding gloves make me feel like a super villain)



Whoa!!


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## Dix (Aug 1, 2014)

Whoa, yerself, there, BB !!

I read through some of this thread, and saw "Stove Slut".

Some explain, please, Lucy! *Splain yourself !!"


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## BrotherBart (Aug 1, 2014)

Post reference please. Ain't about to crawl through 253 posts to find it. 

But I will admit to being a stove slut. The other four ain't in my sig line.


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## weatherguy (Aug 1, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> When your annual "You know...." thread looks like it is gonna keep running till its usual Fall re-post this time.


Was gonna say if you post in a thread titled "You know your a wood burner if______" on August 1st!


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## BrotherBart (Aug 1, 2014)

For sure. The thread is usually dead and gone by January.

I think last Winter got our attention.


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## Beardog (Aug 2, 2014)

When you spend $40k on a truck, trailer, saws, splitter, stove, ect...to save $1k a year on heating oil. Then again, it's a hobby with a payback and real assets at the end of the day. Better than my beer drinking !!


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## nola mike (Aug 2, 2014)

Beardog said:


> Better than my beer drinking !!


Let's not get carried away...


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## rkshed (Aug 2, 2014)

anyone know what the longest thread here was and what it was about?


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## kennyp2339 (Aug 2, 2014)

you know your a real wood burner if you show up to a stove shop and while waiting for the dealer, a total stranger starts asking questions about a stove and chimney setup, you answer every question and the next thing the stranger asks is how long does it take to order the material and when can they be scheduled for the install, you simply reply, I'm sorry I don't work here, this is my hobby.


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## kennyp2339 (Aug 2, 2014)

The above post was a very awkward moment for the stranger and dealer, It made me realize I might have a wood burning problem, lol


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## brenndatomu (Aug 2, 2014)

kennyp2339 said:


> you know your a real wood burner if you show up to a stove shop and while waiting for the dealer, a total stranger starts asking questions about a stove and chimney setup, you answer every question and the next thing the stranger asks is how long does it take to order the material and when can they be scheduled for the install, you simply reply, I'm sorry I don't work here, this is my hobby.


HA! Hilarious, best post of the thread!   
Did they at least offer ya a job then?!
I had that happen at the local mower shop, went in looking for a used generator, they had a non generating one, I told the owner what was likely wrong with it, he tried to hire me!


----------



## Ashful (Aug 2, 2014)

rkshed said:


> anyone know what the longest thread here was and what it was about?


Gotta be the BK performance thread, I would guess.


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## BrotherBart (Aug 2, 2014)

rkshed said:


> anyone know what the longest thread here was and what it was about?



I don't remember how long it ran or the number of posts, but it was about a member's dog.


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## begreen (Aug 2, 2014)

Emma - parts 1&2


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## Ashful (Aug 3, 2014)

... your chimney sweep says he's never seen as much firewood in his life, as what you have stacked in the back yard, and you still feel like you're behind.


----------



## Casrep (Aug 4, 2014)

Three years after renovating an old house, the electric baseboard heaters are still in the garage.


----------



## osagebow (Aug 4, 2014)

You stack your pine out front to bait your neighbors into A " You can't burn that..." debate


----------



## fireview2788 (Aug 4, 2014)

You refer to stacks of firewood as "friends."

fv


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## stoveguy2esw (Aug 4, 2014)

you formally nominate <Mr. "Holz Hauzen" for a Nobel prize in science.

its not a person , the term comes from the German  "Holzhaufen"  meaning "woodpile" or holzhausen "wood house"


----------

