# Please help a social moron......



## Jack Straw (May 31, 2013)

My social skills are that of a hermit and as I grow older I am trying to be more polite. The Jehovah Witnesses showed up here a few weeks back so I did my best to be polite and I listened to their speech. They left some paperwork and went on their way. Last week they showed up and I did my best to be nice and again listened to the speech. Today they stopped again and started going on about whatever. This time I was quite curt and I told them I would never join their ranks and I was too busy for them to keep bothering me. 
It seems to me that I should have been my normal rude self the on their first visit. Maybe I shouldn't bother trying to become nicer. What say you?


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## PapaDave (May 31, 2013)

When JW show up, they barely make out of the car before I'm out there shooing 'em away.
I don't let 'em even get started.
I didn't invite them and have no interest.
Same with salespeople. Doesn't happen much, but even one is too many.


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## USMC80 (May 31, 2013)

I tried being nice with them and they keep bothering us.  Now I just let my 98 lb pit (super friendly but very intimidating) jump up to the window and bark.  They turn around quickly.  Works for salesman too.  If I'm outside when they arrive I quickly tell them I'm just too busy


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## BrotherBart (May 31, 2013)

Back in the early seventies I lived in a singles apartment complex. I wouldn't suggest it but after a Friday night of hard partying in the community room I got a call warning my hungover self that the Witnesses were making the rounds. When the doorbell rang I opened the door standing there buck naked. You never saw such a hasty retreat and I was never bothered by them again.


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## USMC80 (May 31, 2013)

BrotherBart said:


> Back in the early seventies I lived in a singles apartment complex. I wouldn't suggest it but after a Friday night of hard partying in the community room I got a call warning my hungover self that the Witnesses were making the rounds. When the doorbell rang I opened the door standing there buck naked. You never saw such a hasty retreat and I was never bothered by them again.


 


hahaha nice!  Might not go over to well by me.  They always bring along a young child to guilt you


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## Delta-T (May 31, 2013)

i have a small "no soliciting" sign on my front door...pretty much takes care of everything except the politcal blanket crews who obviously cannot read, or do not know what solicitation is outside of prostitution. Could also be that I have a reputation of being "the weird guy" in the neighborhood. one of life's great mysteries.


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## bmblank (May 31, 2013)

You can be courteous and still say no.  You just say that you're sorry, but you're not interested in what they have to say. If they step it up, then you step it up. At some point you may have to insist that they leave. Don't yell and tell them how stupid they are and whatnot.


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## fossil (May 31, 2013)

Never rude. I greet them and immediately tell them I'm a non-theist, so that we have nothing whatever in common so far as religious beliefs go. Maybe some small talk chat about the weather or whatever. I accept nothing from them. I wish them good luck in their "work" and we part amicably, everyone wishing everyone else a good day. The're perfectly nice people doing something they feel deeply about having been "called" to do. I've no reason to be nasty to them. Rick

ETA:  Once, after I labeled myself a "non-theist", the young lady I was talking to asked, "What's that?"


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## PapaDave (May 31, 2013)

Ever had anybody show up trying to sell laundry soap out of a van?
He was coming up the walk with a jug in his hand. I merely told him to have a great day, but I wasn't interested. I may have passed up a good deal.
I actually talked to a political candidate a few years ago as I sat in the yard. Shocked myself. Very weird of me.
I'm pretty sure he was speaking Martian or something, 'cause all I heard was similar to the sound of the teacher on "Peanuts". Wah, wah wah....wah wah wah wah.


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## Jags (May 31, 2013)

Being in the position I am in I get Tons of cold calls from people insisting that they have exactly the product or service that I need to have.  I state my interest clearly and concisely.  I have no interest in them wasting my time or vise versa.  It is amazing how effective "I won't be interested, Thank you." really is.


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## Pallet Pete (May 31, 2013)

I am a Dick to them as they won't leave us alone ! The last time I opened the door and said in a normal voice - its ok dear I buried him outback. The cops showed up to see a stray cat I buried they left fast too lol. 

Pete


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## webbie (May 31, 2013)

Maybe you could be nice the first time but at the end of the conversation tell them to never come back....


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## Delta-T (May 31, 2013)

you could always try to convert them to your....philosophy. If'n yer good at it, there's pretty good $$ in tele-vangelism I hear.


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## ScotO (May 31, 2013)

Tele-vandalism......tell 'em if they don't get off of your property, they are going to wear your TV for a headpiece.....

Seriously, they come here too.  And we kindly tell them, time and again, we aren't interested.  That usually works......but occasionally, you have to "up" your tactics.  That's when the 'redneck' comes out of me, and I tell them I'll hear them out if they drink a couple of beers with me.......
needless to say, they leave.


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## Backwoods Savage (May 31, 2013)

It is actually extremely easy to get rid of them without being rude in any way and you both can be smiling. My normal greeting is to ask right up front if they are Jehovah's Witness'. They will say yes and then I'll simply say something like, "Thank you for stopping but our beliefs are much different than yours so I am not interested." No hurt feelings on either part.

If you do want to have some fun (and I'm not against doing a bit of this myself) is to simply begin talking about Jesus Christ and the fact that he is God. If you wish, look up in the Gospel of John, Chapter 20, verse 28. "And Thomas (of doubting Thomas fame) answered and said to Him (Jesus), "My Lord and my God!" Then ask, "If Thomas is calling Jesus God, and the Word can not lie, then why do you say Jesus is not God?"

Funny one time when one said, "No. He said, "My God, it's the Lord!" Okay...

I have nothing in particular against these folks and they can and do a lot of good work in the world so I won't run them down. It is just that they have some strange beliefs.


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## Dix (May 31, 2013)

I never answer the front door. Any one in the "know" uses the back door.


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## midwestcoast (May 31, 2013)

I don't think this has much to do with social skills necessarily.  I mean I get along with most folks just fine, but I really don't like people knocking on my door figuring they'll change my world view in a single conversation.
I figure we have little in common and they are about as likely to really listen to me as I am to them. So I just save us all the time & cut it very short.
"I'm not interested thanks" is about as sociable as I get in that situation.  I feel no obligation to listen just because they want to talk, so if they keep yapping I just say sorry & close the door. Same goes with telemarketers.
I guess not yelling, cursing them out or threatening violence counts as social skills


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## wesessiah (Jun 1, 2013)

USMC80 said:


> I tried being nice with them and they keep bothering us. Now I just let my 98 lb pit (super friendly but very intimidating) jump up to the window and bark. They turn around quickly. Works for salesman too. If I'm outside when they arrive I quickly tell them I'm just too busy





BrotherBart said:


> Back in the early seventies I lived in a singles apartment complex. I wouldn't suggest it but after a Friday night of hard partying in the community room I got a call warning my hungover self that the Witnesses were making the rounds. When the doorbell rang I opened the door standing there buck naked. You never saw such a hasty retreat and I was never bothered by them again.


 
these are two of my approaches... first encounter, i'm friendly, and give them a couple of minutes. if the same ones show up again, i use both of the above listed tactics. something else i never knew of until recently is, if you say "i'll give you 15 minutes, if you give me 15 minutes to tell you about my beliefs" they will decline.

100 pound dogs tend to make people turn the other way...


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## Thistle (Jun 1, 2013)

Dont see them too often but one way I get rid of them (and all other trespassing solicitors) is to have Guns N Roses,Black Sabbath or similar blaring in the background while opening up the door with a 40oz PBR in one hand with my 9mm Glock at my hip.....

I did tell them through the screen door once I was raised a Baptist,you never seen them run down the steps so fast....


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## bfunk13 (Jun 1, 2013)

Man, i have the complete opposite problem. 
The older i get the less i care who i piss off...


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## billb3 (Jun 1, 2013)

I just state a thanks but no thanks and close the door too.

Telling them you already have religion is usually one of the worst things to do because now you are someone who really neeeds saving and more of their attention.

My house sits quite  ways back from the street and most  pass it by.


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## ScotO (Jun 1, 2013)

midwestcoast said:


> I feel no obligation to listen just because they want to talk, so if they keep yapping I just say sorry & close the door. *Same goes with telemarketers*.


I had to laugh and follow up on this as ever since I saw the episode on Seinfeld where he is on the phone with a telemarketer, I stopped hanging up on them and started the patented Seinfeld "reverse telemarketing" method.  I would let them get through their speedy initial introduction, at which point I stop and say "Hey, I'm really busy right now, but how about you give me YOUR home phone number and I'll call YOU back later this evening when you are on YOUR personal time....say around 1:00-2:00AM.....sound good?"  Sometimes I have to repeat that whole phrase, and for the _really_ stubborn ones a three-peat is necessary.  But that usually ends the call!

Kinda sucks because nowadays, its a pre-recorded message.  Thank God for caller ID.  If my phone says "unknown" on the caller ID, it don't get answered at all.....


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## wesessiah (Jun 1, 2013)

Scotty Overkill said:


> I had to laugh and follow up on this as ever since I saw the episode on Seinfeld where he is on the phone with a telemarketer, I stopped hanging up on them and started the patented Seinfeld "reverse telemarketing" method. I would let them get through their speedy initial introduction, at which point I stop and say "Hey, I'm really busy right now, but how about you give me YOUR home phone number and I'll call YOU back later this evening when you are on YOUR personal time....say around 1:00-2:00AM.....sound good?" Sometimes I have to repeat that whole phrase, and for the _really_ stubborn ones a three-peat is necessary. But that usually ends the call!
> 
> Kinda sucks because nowadays, its a pre-recorded message. Thank God for caller ID. If my phone says "unknown" on the caller ID, it don't get answered at all.....


these telemarketers don't even care when they call a police department... they'll keep talking until you threaten to charge them with misuse of an emergency line.


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## ScotO (Jun 1, 2013)

wesessiah said:


> these telemarketers don't even care when they call a police department... they'll keep talking until you threaten to charge them with misuse of an emergency line.


I like to play hardball with ones like that.....and believe me, I HAVE played hardball with them, too...


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## Delta-T (Jun 1, 2013)

I like to answer the telemarketrs with " Hello! You've just won an all expenses paid trip to tropical Fiji! Press 1 now!" then you just sit and wait. 

the phone at my house is never for me, so when I answer, I say "hello" and wait for whoever is calling for my wife to ask to speak to her...her parents and her sister haven't quite picked up on this (after many years) and will say "hello" back to me, and then just sit there....I say nothing, they say nothing...until about 30-40 seconds later whaen they say "is Jen there" and I say "yes"...and wait...about another 15 seconds later comes the "can I talk to her" follow by "hold on, I will get her". Same, everytime, pretty much every other day. Life's small moments where we get to mess with pepole and no one gets hurt.

btw, anyone intersted in a small, in home demonstration of my new line of plastic steak knives/vaccuum cleaner/home fitness contraption?


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## PapaDave (Jun 1, 2013)

midwestcoast said:


> I don't think this has much to do with social skills necessarily. I mean I get along with most folks just fine, but I really don't like people knocking on my door figuring they'll change my world view in a single conversation. I figure we have little in common and they are about as likely to really listen to me as I am to them. So I just save us all the time & cut it very short. "I'm not interested thanks" is about as sociable as I get in that situation. I feel no obligation to listen just because they want to talk


 
Ding, ding, ding.


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## Defiant (Jun 1, 2013)

I grabbed a cold beer and offered them one, they left.


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## bubbasdad (Jun 1, 2013)

I generally try to be polite.  I just say that I am not interested.  I did have one incident, many years ago.  I was on midnight shift, no a/c, and it was very hot.  I was sleeping during the day, and somebody knocked on the door, despite the sign that said "no solicitation".  I answered the door in what I was sleeping in, a old pair of gym shorts, and if I didn't watch it, I was "hanging out",  I was 1/2 asleep, and rather pissed off when I got to the door.  I opened the door, and 3 women were there.  One started talking, then tried to hand me a paper.  Then it got weird - the women just about ran away, going back to the car.  I was kind of groggy, didn't realize it, old bubbasnake was hanging 1/2 way to my knee.  Oopps


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## stoveguy2esw (Jun 2, 2013)

the JW's came around last about 5 years back, i just told them i was catholic, never saw em again


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## Ashful (Jun 2, 2013)

No soliciting permitted in my township.  Very nice and quiet, as a result.  If it bothers you, start a motion to pass a no solicitation law in yours.


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## Pallet Pete (Jun 2, 2013)

Joful said:


> No soliciting permitted in my township.  Very nice and quiet, as a result.  If it bothers you, start a motion to pass a no solicitation law in yours.


My no soliciting sign seems to present a challenge to every religious and political group that comes around. It works good to keep away most salesmen though.

Pete


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## bmblank (Jun 2, 2013)

I prefer the live in the woods method. Nobody makes it to my house on accident. Most of the time I'll see lights coming down the road, they'll see the houses and realize its not a two track, then turn around.


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## Mrs. Krabappel (Jun 2, 2013)

Big black dog.


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## nate379 (Jun 2, 2013)

I have a sign that says no soliciting... .already have my steaks, my religion, cookies, etc. I got it off Amazon for about $15.

If that doesn't stop them than slamming the door on their face or the loud end of a Mossberg usually will.


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## WeldrDave (Jun 2, 2013)

I go to the door naked ..................purposely, my wife dont like it but they leave "FAST"... I am a very God fearing man, but don't bang on my door telling me about it and how bad I am.  They usually only come back one a year.


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## firefighterjake (Jun 3, 2013)

Jehovah's Witnesses: Get 'em once in a while. Most usually I find evidence of them with a tract stuffed in my screen door. When I have seen them in person I have politely told them that I am busy or all set and each and every time they have left with no issues.

Telemarketers: We're on the Do Not Call list so this screens out most folks. Occasionally we get a random call from some organization or stranger, but we almost always screen our calls and let the answering machine pick it up and since it is a short, sweet message typically the robot calls don't pick up on the fact that a real person has not answered so we get a lot of "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?"

At work however I get this one company that always calls me to sell me product. I have never and will never buy anything from them. I have been polite with them and told them we are not interested, to take us off their call list, etc. and they still call. Now when I get the call I just set the handset down on my desk and keep working while they prattle away to nobody.


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## Ashful (Jun 3, 2013)

firefighterjake said:


> ...we almost always screen our calls and let the answering machine pick it up...


 


They still make answering machines?!?


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## firefighterjake (Jun 3, 2013)

Joful said:


> They still make answering machines?!?


 
Part of the phone I have . . . cordless phone's base unit has a built in answering machine.

I think I still have my old tape answering machine somewhere though.


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## BrotherBart (Jun 3, 2013)

Joful said:


> They still make answering machines?!?


 

My new Uniden land line phone has a built in digital answering machine.


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## wesessiah (Jun 3, 2013)

firefighterjake said:


> Part of the phone I have . . . cordless phone's base unit has a built in answering machine.
> 
> I think I still have my old tape answering machine somewhere though.


we got rid of our home phone... and i guess changing the subject further... because the people that had the number before us were evidently sex offenders that owed a lot of people money


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## BrotherBart (Jun 3, 2013)

wesessiah said:


> ... because the people that had the number before us were evidently sex offenders that owed a lot of people money


 
Ah. I wondered who got my old phone number.


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## DAKSY (Jun 3, 2013)

We don't get em, maybe word got out that I'm also a non-theist. I once had a"God Squad" type ask me if I was "born again." I pulled up my shirt looked down & said: "Nope. Only got one belly button. You get one every time you're born, right?" He just walked away shaking his head...
The No-Call list seems to keep MOST of the telemarketing types away, but if they DO get thru, the women always get the "What are you wearing? Do you have any clothes on? I don't!" routine, as soon as they start their spiel... Most of them hang up immediately...Some just stop talking for a bit...So I hang up on THEM...I just say: "No thank you. Goodbye" to the guys...


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## midwestcoast (Jun 3, 2013)

wesessiah said:


> we got rid of our home phone... and i guess changing the subject further... because the people that had the number before us were evidently sex offenders that owed a lot of people money


 Last time we moved we got the old number of a local strip club.  The 2am calls were not quite frequent enough to make us switch numbers & the daytime ones were pretty fun there for a while.  Plenty of folks out there now think that club;
- is only open 9 'till five (because we encourage our employees to value their family time)
- only hires performers over 40
- has no cover, but a $15 "suggested donation" to the dancers college fund or rehab center of choice
- occasionaly has a mother/daughter feature act


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## fossil (Jun 3, 2013)

Years and years ago, when the phone companies transitioned us from the old exchange & number system (like BE 2-9489) to the new 7-digit (232-9489) system, lots of folks would continue to use the 2-letter exchange abbreviation and then dial the new 7-digit number.  The phone system recognized the first 7 digits dialed and ignored any others, so if one did this, the call was routed to the wrong recipient.  Making this mistake with the phone # for Yellow Cab in Richmond CA resulted in being connected to my grandparents' house.  Got pretty irritating, but then my grandpa turned it into a source of amusement, as he would ask the caller where he wanted the cab, and promise that one would be on the way shortly.


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## BrotherBart (Jun 3, 2013)

In college I worked nights as a computer operator. Our stores dialed into a bank of the old AT&T Dataphones to transmit orders. They would ring once ad then connect if it was a data call. If one kept ringing I knew it was a wrong number. One of them always got calls for Pizza Hut. After a while I just started taking the orders and going back to work.

One night one of the other ones was ringing. A young sounding woman asked if our meters showed a power outage. I surmised that she thought she had reached to electric company. She said the power was off and asked if there was a failure. I asked her to look out the window and see if the neighbor's lights were on and she said they were not and that her husband should be home in a few minutes. I told her we would appreciate it if she would go out and sit on the curb and wait for the truck we were sending out. Wouldn't have done it if the husband's arrival wasn't imminent. 

I have always wondered what happened when the husband got home and found her sitting on the curb.


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## Jags (Jun 3, 2013)

I get constant cold calls for all things hardware and software.

"Hello - I understand that you are the person responsible for xxxx"
"No-no, thats not me, thats Bob, allow me to transfer you".  CLICK

Inevitable call back:

"I think I got disconnected during the transfer"
"Oh, really?  Did it sound like this?" CLICK.


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## Thistle (Jun 3, 2013)

I like doing this once in a while to 'wrong numbers' -

"Is (insert random female name) there?"   "Nope,she just left & was quite pissed off,you better steer clear of her when she gets home...."


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## blacktail (Jun 4, 2013)

Jack Straw said:


> My social skills are that of a hermit


 
Hello, brother.


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## Badfish740 (Jun 4, 2013)

BrotherBart said:


> Back in the early seventies I lived in a singles apartment complex. I wouldn't suggest it but after a Friday night of hard partying in the community room I got a call warning my hungover self that the Witnesses were making the rounds. When the doorbell rang I opened the door standing there buck naked. You never saw such a hasty retreat and I was never bothered by them again.


 
I usually come to the door like this with "Goodbye Horses" playing in the background-works every time:









Just kidding... The last time they showed up my wife said, "No thank you, we're happily Catholic." They actually chuckled a little and went on their way.


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## jeff_t (Jun 4, 2013)

I let the Kirby guy in once, with the understanding that I was buying NOTHING. After he went thru his deal, and I told him again that I wasn't buying anything, we shot a couple games of nine ball until his ride showed up. The boss wasn't taking no for an answer, and before long that $1700 vacuum was under 800 bucks. It was actually entertaining.


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## Sprinter (Jun 5, 2013)

IMO, any uninvited solicitor, home or phone, is the party being impolite.  They are intruding on you and you owe them nothing other than basic civility.  You certainly don't owe them your time.

In fact, the best favor you can do them if you're not interested is not encourage them because that just wastes their time too.

Well, I do try to be nice to the girl scouts...


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## begreen (Jun 5, 2013)

Repeat the solicitation and they don't even deserve politeness. I have no qualms on hanging up right away on a solicitor. If the door to door folks don't get the "I'm not interested" message, then they get a curt invite off the property. Fortunately our driveway is long and the houses are far in between so this is not very common. We also never get trick or treaters.


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## lukem (Jun 5, 2013)

stoveguy2esw said:


> the JW's came around last about 5 years back, i just told them i was catholic, never saw em again


 

Same here, although they should have figured that out pretty quick based on what's hanging on the wall by the front door.

I'll be nice to anyone as long as they are nice to me.  The second someone gets pushy or takes a tone I don't like I end the the conversation.  This goes for telemarkets, sales people, etc.  I'll just say "I'm done here, have a nice day" and hang up or leave.


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## MishMouse (Jun 6, 2013)

I used to play with Telemarketers before I got married.

I recorded a message on my machine similiar to the following.
"Hello............ Hello???? ................. Is anybody there???? ................. I can hardly hear you.............What????? ......... I am still having a hard time hearing you, please speak up................What?????..............I still can hardly hear you.................... Oh ...... I think I found the problem..................Why are you yelling at my answering machine?"

I recorded a bunch of colorful language from many Telemarketers on this one.
Needless to say they didn't call back.


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## Badfish740 (Jun 6, 2013)

MishMouse said:


> I used to play with Telemarketers before I got married.
> 
> I recorded a message on my machine similiar to the following.
> "Hello............ Hello???? ................. Is anybody there???? ................. I can hardly hear you.............What????? ......... I am still having a hard time hearing you, please speak up................What?????..............I still can hardly hear you.................... Oh ...... I think I found the problem..................Why are you yelling at my answering machine?"
> ...


 
Reminded me of this old gem:


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## firebroad (Jun 6, 2013)

It is my understanding that door-to-door missionary work is part of JW's religion, same as the Mormons.  Mormons aren't quite as insistent as JW's, though.  
I have found over the years that if I immediately identify myself as Pagan, they bid me good day and leave.  Has never failed.  Now, if you are Christian, I am sure your God will not mind you using that little white lie...


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## Delta-T (Jun 6, 2013)

...Ahuramazda doesn't mind if you claim to be Zoroastrian...in case you are uncomfortable claiming a different philosophy.


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## northwinds (Jun 6, 2013)

We're not close to the main road and don't get many uninvited visitors.  For JW or other uninvited visitors, I am blunt: "No offense, but I have no interest" and close the door.  For phone calls, we use the "do not call" list registry, which cuts down on the telemarketers.  For ones that sneak through, if no one answers after a split second, I simply hang up.  Friends and relatives learn to be quick.


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## will711 (Jun 8, 2013)

Try this , I'm sorry before you start ," No Pics It Never Happened"  Good bye.


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## Paulywalnut (Jun 8, 2013)

My Dad used to ask them in and then grill them on their beliefs and then he would twist the tables on them and try to convert them.
They left quickly.


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## Jack Straw (Jul 5, 2013)

The Jehovah's witnesses just came back for the 4th time in 2 months. I told to never come  back and  I may have called the lady a really bad name.


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## WES999 (Jul 6, 2013)

I answer the door dressed like this, they don't come back.


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