# You Know You Are A Real Wood Burner If...



## BrotherBart (Dec 6, 2012)

My annual thread and a little late this season. I am out of originals so...

...if at a wine tasting you say that the Cabernet is oakey with just a hint of creosote".

Go for it.


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## KaptJaq (Dec 6, 2012)

BrotherBart said:


> ...if at a wine tasting you say that the Cabernet is oakey with just a hint of creosote".
> 
> Go for it.


You are a real wood burner if at the wine tasting you ask "Are the barrels really oak and what do they do with them after they are emptied? "

KaptJaq


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

BrotherBart said:


> ...if at a wine tasting you say that the Cabernet is oakey with just a hint of creosote".


 

 !!


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a real woodburner if you pull out your moisture meter at someone elses party.


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## pen (Dec 6, 2012)

Your excuse to the wife for getting drunk is: _"*I was trying out the 'tunnel of love' that BG told me about"*_

_pen_


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a real wood burner if you tell your party guests to save the martini toothpicks because you glue them together to make firestarters.


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a real wood burner if..

you check every day to see if your neighbors elm is starting to get yellow leaves.


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a real wood burner if you...
rubber neck every time you pass the utility company doing right-of-way maintenance.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 6, 2012)

... if you don't have hair on the back of your hands from November till May.


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## webby3650 (Dec 6, 2012)

Or, if you have 3 woodstoves in the house. Better yet, if you can see all the stoves from any spot in the house. Maybe I have a problem


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a woodburner if...

Your log splitter runs on a big-block chevy.


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## Wildo (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you are a woodburner if your wife says " you just can't stop cutting trees down can you"...........................................................


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

if you hide when your neighbor wants help cutting down his willow.


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

if you "ambulance chase" the tree services in your town.


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## Wildo (Dec 6, 2012)

You Know you are a woodburner if you happen to fire up your chainsaw for fun in the garage when you see your neighbor eyeing up his Willow.



       Oops sorry guess this belongs in tha you might be a woodcutter post.


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

if you have to open your bedroom windows in February.


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## MnDave (Dec 6, 2012)

Wildo said:


> You Know you are a woodburner if you happen to fire up your chainsaw for fun in the garage when you see your neighbor eyeing up his Willow.


I like your twist on that one.


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## Wildo (Dec 6, 2012)

You know you come from a family of woodburners when you get the house upta 83 cuz your mother is coming to babysit...   She walks in and says "Ooh its nice in here" as you go out the door panting.


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## tsquini (Dec 6, 2012)

When you are outside and smell smoke, you begin to sniff the air like a bloodhound to find out who's else burning.


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## Blue2ndaries (Dec 6, 2012)

When you lounge around in shorts drinking ice-cold Mojitos in the middle of winter b/c it's 78deg inside your home...(slurp)


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## rudysmallfry (Dec 6, 2012)

You get whiplash checking out potential wood scores on the side of the highway.


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## Wildo (Dec 6, 2012)

If you drive by a log yard and say "jeez honey ther's a warm week right there"


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## Wildo (Dec 6, 2012)

God I'm sick and she agrees.


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## jatoxico (Dec 7, 2012)

If even after having one in two consecutive years you think hurricanes have their good points.


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## dafattkidd (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a woodburner if you find yourself asking strangers how they heat their houses, just in hopes that they'll return the question so you can talk about your stove.


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## dafattkidd (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a woodburner if every house you walk in you're eyeballing a prime location for a woodstove.


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## MnDave (Dec 7, 2012)

if you get invited over for dinner and you keep looking at the dead tree in the yard.


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## Wildo (Dec 7, 2012)

If your wife says how much wood do we really need ? and you say "I'll have a better idea in June"


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## Wildo (Dec 7, 2012)

MnDave said:


> if you get invited over for dinner and you keep looking at the dead tree in the yard.


 

With lust in your eyes


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## MnDave (Dec 7, 2012)

if you can look at a fire and guess the stovepipe/stovetop temp within 50 F.


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## Billybonfire (Dec 7, 2012)

You say "WOW thats a neat stack".


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## MasterMech (Dec 7, 2012)

tsquini said:


> When you are outside and smell smoke, you begin to sniff the air like a bloodhound to find out who's else burning.


 And you're out to find out who the poor SOB is that's burning green wood.


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## MasterMech (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a wood burner if....

..... you bought a pickup truck to save on fuel.


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## rkshed (Dec 7, 2012)

I can't believe how many of these apply to me.

So... you know you are a woodburner if you are up at 4am, every Saturday morning, trolling the free section of Craigslist for wood.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your wood burner when processing wood is fun.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a wood burner when you talk about your set up and your friends look at you like your crazy.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a wood burner when Hearth.com is at the top of all your searches.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

tsquini said:


> When you are outside and smell smoke, you begin to sniff the air like a bloodhound to find out who's else burning.


 
Been there lol


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a wood burner when the Gas meter reader guy is shaking his head as he walks away.


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## blades (Dec 7, 2012)

MnDave said:


> if you get invited over for dinner and you keep looking at the dead tree in the yard.


To be wined and dined to remove some trees


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a die hard wood burner when you got Hearth.com on your smart phone.


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 7, 2012)

This isnt me but there was one guy on here said he did this:

You know your a die hard wood burner when you set up a web cam so at work you can check in to see how the fire is burning.


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## Got Wood (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a wood burner when the tree service guy takes a look at your stacks and declares that you are ready for the Armageddon


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## jharkin (Dec 7, 2012)

etiger2007 said:


> You know your a wood burner when Hearth.com is at the top of all your searches.


 
You start laughing at your laptop and your wife says "Are you reading that wood stove forum _again_?? [eye roll] "


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## jharkin (Dec 7, 2012)

You leave a flashlight by the back door for those midnight trips to check if you are getting smoke out of the chimney.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

If you take the tree down christmas morning with a beer and a chainsaw in the living room in front of the kids and stuff it decorations lights and all in the stove ! 

Pete


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## Monkey Wrench (Dec 7, 2012)

When you move the "New" patio furniture out to the wood pile. And can't understand why the OL beaches?


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

...When the propane company threatens to take their 500 gallon tank back.


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

...When on a wood id thread you tell the OP to "taste" the split.


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

...When you have over 9000 posts on the worlds largest wood burning site.


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## MnDave (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you are a real cheap wood burner if

you try to figure out how to get your multimeter to double as a moisture meter.


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## Blue2ndaries (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a wood burner when other kids at school ask your kids if your dad wants any firewood....


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a real wood burner when...

...the oil man gives you the finger as he drives by.


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

.... the dog shivers when its 68'f outside.


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

.... the back of your wife's Expedition is filled with sap and little pieces of bark you cannot get out and your wife is pissed so she makes you pull each piece out by hand which causes an argument which leads to you sleeping on the couch so you can "watch the fire" while sweating to death... Just sayin'


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 7, 2012)

When there is not a wood stove, you've not owned. You guys know who you are, step forward...............


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know your a wood burner when the wife calls hearth.com Facebook for woodburners.


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## Hiram Maxim (Dec 7, 2012)

When Your wood has been c/s/s longer than than most of the neighbor hood kids have been on the planet!


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 7, 2012)

When you look at all your CSS Cords of Wood as money in the bank.


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

...When you consider picking up a thousand pounds of rounds hauling them home, split them and stack for a year -  a "Score".


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## blades (Dec 7, 2012)

Jags said:


> ...When you consider picking up a thousand pounds of rounds hauling them home, split them and stack for a year - a "Score".


 And then go back for the rest of it, and then go back for the rest of it , and...........


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

.....when your cat is sweating in the dead of winter.


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 7, 2012)

Jags said:


> ...When the propane company threatens to take their 500 gallon tank back.


 
when YOU threaten the propane company to get them to take their 500 gallon tank back! (by threaten I mean tell them if they don't come get it you're hooking it to your truck and hauling it out to the road for them-this works well, btw-very motivational for them apparently)


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 7, 2012)

When some sort of wood burning related implement is on your or your SO's Christmas list. Again.

When your neighbors ask if you're going to sell firewood after seeing your scrounge pile...and you're still adding to it.

When you hate going to other people's houses (that don't heat with wood) for dinner because it's too cold in there.

When it's hard to fall asleep without that flickering light (I love that we can see the stove from our bedroom)

When you try to figure out where a wood stove would fit at your place of work because it's too darn cold in there

When you envy the guy that rigged up the camera to watch his stove while at work because you want to as well

When you burn candles in your stove during the off season out of withdrawl

When you have nightly bonfires during the off season because you can't NOT have some fire


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

eclecticcottage said:


> when YOU threaten the propane company to get them to take their 500 gallon tank back!


 
I wish - but I still need it for backup. I go away several weekends per winter and it is not uncommon for me to be away from home for 12 to 14 hrs at a time on any given work day. Gotta have the pane...


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## ddddddden (Dec 7, 2012)

eclecticcottage said:


> when YOU threaten the propane company to get them to take their 500 gallon tank back! (by threaten I mean tell them if they don't come get it you're hooking it to your truck and hauling it out to the road for them-this works well, btw-very motivational for them apparently)


 
Someone on here did that!
. . .but they moved it with tractor, IIRC.  
Wish I could find the pic. . .


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## Sisu (Dec 7, 2012)

When you say that you have "morning wood".........and you just mean that you have some firewood that you have to attend to in the morning.


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

Sisu said:


> When you say that you have "morning wood".........and you just mean that you have some firewood that you have to attend to in the morning.


 
And "playing with your wood" has a perfectly innocent connotation.


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 7, 2012)

Jags said:


> I wish - but I still need it for backup. I go away several weekends per winter and it is not uncommon for me to be away from home for 12 to 14 hrs at a time on any given work day. Gotta have the pane...


 
that's why we have 3 100# tanks here-well, that and hot water/cooking.  They also supply a blue flame heater in the utility area and the backup VF in the dining room.



When you shop for a new vehicle with scrounging space in mind

And lastly....you need to replace your rear tires and struts because they are worn out from the weight of all of your scrounges


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## ddddddden (Dec 7, 2012)

. . .when you have morning wood, afternoon wood, and evening wood.


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

Jags said:


> And "playing with your wood" has a perfectly innocent connotation.


....and when scrounging gives you more wood than just whats in the pile


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a real wood burner when...

...your kids are stuffing kindling in their backpacks on their way home from school.


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 7, 2012)

When you put your hand into the pocket of your newly washed jeans and still find wood chips...same goes for constantly knocking them out of your sneakers...


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

When township officials come over to count how many cords are on your property.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

When the wifes boss drives by the house and says " I didnt know you guys sold wood" and the wife replies "we dont".


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## tbuff (Dec 7, 2012)

etiger2007 said:


> When the wifes boss drives by the house and says " I didnt know you guys sold wood" and the wife replies "we dont thats all Ed's wood.



Lol..


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## remkel (Dec 7, 2012)

When people in the neighborhood stop to take photographs of your wood piles.

When the neighbors start inviting you to their house because your house "is like a sauna"

When the people at the Stihl dealership place the right size chain for your saw on the counter without you even asking.


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## adrpga498 (Dec 7, 2012)

When you created an excel spread sheet for  scrounging date , species, css date and location.


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## Jags (Dec 7, 2012)

....When you have burning wood and you _*don't*_ have to go to the doctor.


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## suprz (Dec 7, 2012)

tsquini said:


> When you are outside and smell smoke, you begin to sniff the air like a bloodhound to find out who's else burning.



GUILTY!,


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## dorkweed (Dec 7, 2012)

When "getting wood" has more than 1 meaning.

When you get together with fellow burners and talk about each others wood.


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## remkel (Dec 7, 2012)

suprz said:


> GUILTY!,


Guilty also!


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## flyingpig (Dec 7, 2012)

Guilty on all counts.


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## cygnus (Dec 7, 2012)

...when you can spot the glimmer of fresh cut round from 3 blocks away.


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## Waulie (Dec 7, 2012)

eclecticcottage said:


> when YOU threaten the propane company to get them to take their 500 gallon tank back! (by threaten I mean tell them if they don't come get it you're hooking it to your truck and hauling it out to the road for them-this works well, btw-very motivational for them apparently)


 
I'm about ready to make "the call" to the ------s for a fill up.  But, since I didn't pay for the priviledge of the non-plan plan, I'm sure their going to want to charge me some crazy fee for the priviledge of paying them for propane.  If I can just convince them to give me one more fill up, I should be good for three years or so.

...When you call the propane company a bunch of _______s. 

...When you're able to consider how many _years _a tank of propane will last.

...When you spill a fine porter on the stove and you're more upset than your wife (and not just about the wasted porter).


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## tsquini (Dec 7, 2012)

Sisu said:


> When you say that you have "morning wood".........and you just mean that you have some firewood that you have to attend to in the morning.


When you wood is 16" long and it's average length.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 7, 2012)

When you drive through a neighborhood and have to look at the chimneys to spot the ones with liners.

(I hate that I can't stop doing that. Gonna have a wreck some day.)


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## Paulywalnut (Dec 7, 2012)

dorkweed said:


> When "getting wood" has more than 1 meaning.
> 
> When you get together with fellow burners and talk about each others wood.


 yeah,  just tree wood though.


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## DMbekus (Dec 7, 2012)

Your on this forum and reading this thread


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## Gark (Dec 7, 2012)

...When you've memorized the firewood species/BTU charts and when offered a possible scrounge, your first question is "What type of wood is it?".


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## Flatbedford (Dec 7, 2012)

When 72 upstairs is cold.
When your kid never wears shoes, pants, or shirt.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

suprz said:


> GUILTY!,


 
GUILTY!


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

When you have been cutting so long you use a hollow log for a toilet !


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

When people start asking if they can by camp firewood bundles.


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## dougand3 (Dec 7, 2012)

You know you're a real wood burner if you dare to burn pine even though EVERYBODY knows it causes chimney fires.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

When the tv is replaced by a wood stove glass window !


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

DMbekus said:


> Your on this forum and reading this thread


 

and can relate to all the post


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 7, 2012)

When your wood piles have numbered rows organized by species.


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## gmule (Dec 7, 2012)

When you train the dog to go get another log to finish a load


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

when you get your consumers bill and its alot cheaper than your non wood burning friends, and they are cold.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

When names like Backwoods Savage, Pallet Pete, Scotty Overkill, Browning Bar, Dafattkidd, Brother Bart , BeGeen, FireFighterJake, Jags, Fossil and Penn are household names.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 7, 2012)

Been doing this thread for five years and you guys are posting some of the best stuff ever.


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## Flatbedford (Dec 7, 2012)

When you pick up a chainsaw on the way out for your anniversary dinner.


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## etiger2007 (Dec 7, 2012)

Flatbedford said:


> When you pick up a chainsaw on the way out for your anniversary dinner.


 
Yeah that's bad lol


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## Flatbedford (Dec 7, 2012)

I also bought a tractor on her birthday.


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## Prof (Dec 7, 2012)

When you convince your wife that she really needs her own chainsaw.


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## Seanm (Dec 8, 2012)

when your wife keeps telling you enough already everytime you tell her you hear your neighbours high E furnace is on!


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## BrowningBAR (Dec 8, 2012)

When you look forward to the winter months when the ice cream is drastically on sale because only you are warm enough to eat it.

-- Three containers of ice cream?

- Yep, the sale is 3 for $5.

-- But it's 19 degrees outside.

- It ain't 19 degrees where I plan on eating it.


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## Paulywalnut (Dec 8, 2012)

As your wood stacks sit and age you start feeling they each have their own personality.


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## Maple man (Dec 8, 2012)

when you drive the back way to work to look for a scrounge.
or drive by known wood burners to look at their stacks


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## suprz (Dec 8, 2012)

When you used to cruise Craigslist for electronics stuff, car stuff, etc... Now you go to the "free" section and look for folks wanting a tree cut up and taken away!  
When you know of every potential scrounge within 10 miles of home, and wonder what would happen if you grabbed your saw and started to buck up downed trees by the side of the highway...
Your wife even thinks you should call the state or local city office and find out about taking downed trees by the side of the highway.....
Instead of going to thrift stores for bargain stuff, you now go to the city recycling depot every saturday and pick up as many rounds as can fit in your vehicle


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## WellSeasoned (Dec 8, 2012)

You know that your a wood burner when..........

Even squirrels give you the finger!


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## Fi-Q (Dec 8, 2012)

When a construction projects run lates in north ( quebec) in december and you are still living in taht RV and you are really considering adding a wood stove to it, what ever it cost  

I really been there, was to put it in the garage part of my toy hauler 5er, but got layed off as I was about to pull the trigger on it. There was a drolet pyropac on whare house sale by the CT for 400$.... I almost did it....


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## teutonicking (Dec 8, 2012)

When you look at every downed tree on the side of the road as you're driving and try to estimate its value in terms of cordwood.


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## Got Wood (Dec 8, 2012)

adrpga498 said:


> When you created an excel spread sheet for scrounging date , species, css date and location.


I have been doing that for years now....


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## eujamfh (Dec 8, 2012)

While at a friend's house who is struggling to keep his fire going, your seven year old leans over and whispers, "I bet he hasn't had that cut, split and stacked long enough.  Definitely has not been three years."


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## eujamfh (Dec 8, 2012)

You enjoy taking a cup of coffee outside in the early morning and walk around your stacks.


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## brian89gp (Dec 8, 2012)

When you check all pickup truck beds you walk by for woodchips and bark to see if they are putting the truck to proper use or are wasting a perfectly good truck.

You feel an automatic kinship if you find said woodchips and bark.


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## brian89gp (Dec 8, 2012)

You enjoy going outside to freeze your ass off to firstly cool off from being inside and secondly so you start to long for the heat inside so you can go back in and warm up by the stove.


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## brian89gp (Dec 8, 2012)

When you would much rather have a woodpile in your driveway then be able to park your vehicle there.


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## brian89gp (Dec 8, 2012)

When "enough wood" only happens when you run out of space...and then "enough wood" is when all those friends/family you talked into letting you pile wood at their place run out of space...and then you start looking into renting a barn...


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## Jacktheknife (Dec 8, 2012)

When you have a four foot privacy fence that will keep you warm... in three years.


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## blwncrewchief (Dec 8, 2012)

When you buy two acres next to your property, not because you need more land, but because it is covered in Black Locust trees that you want for your stove.


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## WellSeasoned (Dec 8, 2012)

You know you are a real wood burner if.....

   You took all the pictures off your family tree and used it for kindling


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 8, 2012)

eujamfh said:


> You enjoy taking a cup of coffee outside in the early morning and walk around your stacks.



Guilty again lol.

Pete


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 8, 2012)

When Pallets get so used to you they start talking to you screaming no don't hurt me I will do anything ! 

Pete


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## Dix (Dec 8, 2012)

When you've read this whole thread, and are up past your bed time, and still haven't learned anything new.


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## GrampaDennis (Dec 8, 2012)

If you use your "good" miter saw to cut up your kindling!

If you save paper cups from the bathroom all year to use as fire starters!

(I'm guilty on both counts.)


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## eujamfh (Dec 8, 2012)

its 73 inside, and your seven year old says "its kinda cool in here, mayber we should get a little shoulder burn going."


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## eujamfh (Dec 8, 2012)

and then you seven year old asks if it is ok to start a fire…and then rakes 20 hour old coals and yelps with excitement when she finds hot coals and states its ready for a burn!"


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## eujamfh (Dec 8, 2012)

after adding some splits…she asks if she can stoke the fire and after ten minutes closes the door, opens the primary and says, "daddy, it will settle in 20 minutes or so and then we can slow it down".


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## madrone (Dec 9, 2012)

you see this thread coming


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## Seanm (Dec 9, 2012)

The snow isnt to deep yet so you might go get another cord cause you know there is some dry blow down near by! So what if the neighbours wonder why you spend so much time in your back yard playing with your wood!


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## ailanthus (Dec 9, 2012)

...you've googled how long it takes for heating oil to go bad


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## Cross Cut Saw (Dec 9, 2012)

Your Amazon.com wish list consists of:








* Kintrex IRT0421 Non-Contact Infrared Thermometer with Laser Targeting*








* Husqvarna ProForest Chain Saw Helmet System*








* Husqvarna 531309565 Chain Saw Apron Chaps, Navy*








* Husqvarna 505642210 Chain Saw Protective Gloves, Large*








* Homeowner's Complete Guide to the Chainsaw: A Chainsaw Pro Shows You How to Safely and Confidently Handle Everything from Trimming Branches and Felling Trees to Splitting and Stacking Wood*








* Fiskars 7884 X27 36-Inch Super Splitting Axe*
In that order if anyone is looking to surprise me...


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 9, 2012)

Seanm said:


> The snow isnt to deep yet so you might go get another cord cause you know there is some dry blow down near by! So what if the neighbours wonder why you spend so much time in your back yard playing with your wood!


 
The snow is deep and you use a kiddie sled to move firewood out of pure determination to not give in to mother nature !


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## heatwise (Dec 9, 2012)

When your definitions have new meanings, log on- add wood to the fire
                                                                 Download- getting wood off the truck
                                                                 Monitor-watching the stove
                                                                 Ram- the thing that splits the wood
                                                                 Hard drive- getting home in the winter
                                                                 Log off-don't add more wood


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## Jack Straw (Dec 9, 2012)

Cross Cut Saw said:


> Your Amazon.com wish list consists of:
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Have you been good this year?


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## DaveGunter (Dec 9, 2012)

When the deciding factor on whether to buy the lot next to your house is "the value of the wood on it" and your wife is ok with that


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## DaveGunter (Dec 9, 2012)

When your nosy busy body neighbor in your "no commercial activity" subdivision thinks you are selling firewood because nobody needs that much wood


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## DaveGunter (Dec 9, 2012)

When you consider NOT doing that insulation project because it will cut into your wood consumption


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## DaveGunter (Dec 9, 2012)

When your wife asks where you are going to stack the pile of wood you just brought home, and you tell her you will make more room by cutting more trees


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 9, 2012)

If the neighborhood cats get lost in our wood piles and start crying for help ! GUILTY 

Pete


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## bluedogz (Dec 9, 2012)

If you stop at the scene of a car accident to have first dibs on the 18" black locust the victim ran into...


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## tbuff (Dec 9, 2012)

.... Your wife gets jealous of the time you spend with your wood pile.


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## brian89gp (Dec 9, 2012)

When you eyeball the tree in your neighbors yard and secretly wish that when it falls it falls onto your property so your neighbor feels bad about it and gives you the whole tree.


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## Coal Reaper (Dec 9, 2012)

...you step out back at your sons first birthday party to show your stacks and your wife knows that there is no way to stop you.


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## suprz (Dec 9, 2012)

It doesnt mean the same when thing that it used to when you tell your wife that you are getting wood......


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## jatoxico (Dec 9, 2012)

If wood begets wood...yooOOUU might just be a wood burner.


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## Scott2373 (Dec 9, 2012)

When your friend who works for the propane company sends a rep to your house to find out if you're still alive...


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## ditchrider (Dec 9, 2012)

MnDave said:


> You know you are a woodburner if...
> 
> Your log splitter runs on a big-block chevy.


3304 Cat. 24 inch eight way wedge. And an elevator to pile it all up. Ooh ooh ooh. I love to dream
Sorry Sav, but I gotta say I could do that on the horizontal if I had to.


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## esox (Dec 9, 2012)

You have an ash and an oak tree at the far end of your property from Sandy, spend 6 hours building a ramp over an old stone fence so your neighbors kid can pull your splitter to the site with his 4-wheeler cuz its too heavy for an old guy to carry in rounds and your thinking this project should be completed by march.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 9, 2012)

You have 3 tabs open to different threads in your browser 

Pete


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## dorkweed (Dec 9, 2012)

When you Moderated by the "omnipotent" ones here


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## Dakotas Dad (Dec 9, 2012)

When the ONLY thing on your Christmas list is a chainsaw part or accessory.

(Timberline Sharpener)


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## Cross Cut Saw (Dec 9, 2012)

When you became a member of a wood burning forum on Valentines Day...


Didn't think we'd notice did you Backwoods...


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## BrotherBart (Dec 9, 2012)

dorkweed said:


> When you Moderated by the "omnipotent" ones here


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## ditchrider (Dec 9, 2012)

etiger2007 said:


> You know your a wood burner when Hearth.com is at the top of all your searches.


pffffffffft. It's my home page


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## ditchrider (Dec 9, 2012)

Pallet Pete said:


> Guilty again lol.
> 
> Pete


+1


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## ScotO (Dec 9, 2012)

when you put over 4,000 posts on Hearth.com in your first year of membership........


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## ditchrider (Dec 9, 2012)

Scotty Overkill said:


> when you put over 4,000 posts on Hearth.com in your first year of membership........


Ash Can posts don't count unless you've been booted.


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## aansorge (Dec 9, 2012)

...when on MOTHER 'S DAY, you talk your wife into hauling 7 cords of wood you found cheap on Craigslist.


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## ScotO (Dec 9, 2012)

aansorge said:


> ...when on MOTHER 'S DAY, you talk your wife into hauling 7 cords of wood you found cheap on Craigslist.


 WELL PLAYED!


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## ditchrider (Dec 9, 2012)

ditchrider said:


> Ash Can posts don't count unless you've been booted.


Or you sincerely apologize.


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## MasterMech (Dec 10, 2012)

Pallet Pete said:


> You have 3 tabs open to different threads in your browser
> 
> Pete


 
3?  lol, I typically have 20-30 alerts when I log on and open each one in a new tab. Chew through those and then move on to "new business."


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## nate379 (Dec 10, 2012)

I've yet to figure out how wives became involved in Mother's Day anyhow.  Unless you live in the DEEEEEEPPPPP South I'm pretty sure marrying your Mom isn't common!



aansorge said:


> ...when on MOTHER 'S DAY, you talk your wife into hauling 7 cords of wood you found cheap on Craigslist.


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## Tramontana (Dec 10, 2012)

...when you eagerly await alerts to see if Scotty has posted new photos of the stonework he has just finished installing.


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## ditchrider (Dec 10, 2012)

nate379 said:


> I've yet to figure out how wives became involved in Mother's Day anyhow. Unless you live in the DEEEEEEPPPPP South I'm pretty sure marrying your Mom isn't common!


Well, maybe if your wife isn't a mother... then maybe she wants to BECOME a mother. In that case, should you really be scrounging wood on Mother's Day? Hmmmm? Sometimes it's just a matter of priorities.

And if your wife IS a mother... and you gave her children like the children I gave my wife... well, let's just say I have a debt to pay. Aaaannnnd she deserves more than one special day in the year.


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## jharkin (Dec 10, 2012)

brian89gp said:


> When you would much rather have a woodpile in your driveway then be able to park your vehicle there.


 
When you have a second driveway that only gets used as a dumping area for said wood


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## Jags (Dec 10, 2012)

When the smell of two cycle fumes is your cologne of choice.


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## jharkin (Dec 10, 2012)

Coal Reaper said:


> ...you step out back at your sons first birthday party to show your stacks and your wife knows that there is no way to stop you.


 
Guilty


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 10, 2012)

When you put your coat on grab your keys and have to dig through wood shavings from your saw to find them.

Pete


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## Fi-Q (Dec 10, 2012)

When you get pissed at you retired daddy because he have all that time off and he is doing all of your wood before you, so you chainsaw have to sleep in the garage for one more season ! Ok, my dad is really gold to me .... But I sure sometime miss doing my own wood. But hey, if it all it takes to make my old man happy !! And in a decade or two, I guess I will be the on doing is wood .


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 10, 2012)

Jags said:


> When the smell of two cycle fumes is your cologne of choice.


 
Chainsaw exhaust mixed with a little woodsmoke and some fresh cut hardwood. That's the good stuff.


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## DTrain (Dec 10, 2012)

When you are having so much fun your non wood burner friends actually ask to come over and help!


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## Jags (Dec 10, 2012)

...When you shave with a Stihl MS 190T.


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## eclecticcottage (Dec 10, 2012)

When a friend mentions to your significant other he has been using his fireplace as supplimental heat and you immediately jump on craigslist looking for a good used insert and a liner for him, even though he didn't say he wanted one...


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## Jags (Dec 10, 2012)

if....Chuck Norris buys his firewood from YOU.


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## WellSeasoned (Dec 10, 2012)

Jags said:


> if....Chuck Norris buys his firewood from YOU.



Or chuck norris turned evil and tries to steal your wood and you actually kick his oss


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## Coal Reaper (Dec 10, 2012)

DTrain said:


> When you are having so much fun your non wood burner friends actually ask to come over and help!


 
my non wood burner friends look at me like i got 5 heads!


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## Dakotas Dad (Dec 10, 2012)

Coal Reaper said:


> my non wood burner friends look at me like i got 5 heads!


 
When you have no non wood burner friends....


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## DTrain (Dec 10, 2012)

Coal Reaper said:


> my non wood burner friends look at me like i got 5 heads!



I think I've got some wannabe buddies.  I do also have the ones that think I'm nuts.


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## Scols (Dec 10, 2012)

When you see other guys with truckloads of rounds and you get jealous.


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## Scols (Dec 10, 2012)

When you keep your saw,gas,bar oil,and maul in you truck so you can scrounge after work without having to stop home first and risk getting side tracked by the wife.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 10, 2012)

Scols said:


> When you keep your saw,gas,bar oil,and maul in you truck so you can scrounge after work without having to stop home first and risk getting side tracked by the wife.



Guilty except I sidetrack myself !

Pete


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## Scols (Dec 10, 2012)

When you go out in the middle of a hurricane to grab that big red oak before someone else does.


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## Scols (Dec 10, 2012)

When you are driving around looking for a parking spot near the hospital because you need an emergency appendectomy and you consider stopping and picking up those perfectly sized silver maple rounds.(That was me last weekend.)


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## Got Wood (Dec 10, 2012)

Scols said:


> When you see other guys with truckloads of rounds and you get jealous.


Totally agree, will add that you look close to see what kind of rounds they are.


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## Flatbedford (Dec 10, 2012)

Dakotas Dad said:


> When you have no non wood burner friends....


 
How about when you have no friends?


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## Flatbedford (Dec 10, 2012)

jharkin said:


> When you have a second driveway that only gets used as a dumping area for said wood


 
I'd like that. I'm trying to plan something like that here.


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## Coal Reaper (Dec 10, 2012)

Flatbedford said:


> How about when you have no friends?



Then you rely on hearth.com


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## milleo (Dec 10, 2012)

aansorge said:


> ...when on MOTHER 'S DAY, you talk your wife into hauling 7 cords of wood you found cheap on Craigslist.


Nice score......


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## PapaDave (Dec 10, 2012)

When you see the big wood haulers drive by and think to yourself, "Self, he should go the other way.....toward MY house with that load".
Or, when you see one of those loads, you can tell what kind of wood it is. Then, you either dismiss it as not as good as the oak you just got, or it actually IS oak and want it.


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## Steve NW WI (Dec 10, 2012)

...When you join Hearth.com just to reply to this thread (to say thanks for all the info I've gotten from here while a lurker)

...When it takes 3 tractors, 2 trucks, multiple trailers, and uncountable saws, plus a splitter with a 7" ram, just to have free heat

...When friends dump wood they find at your place, knowing you'll split and stack it, and give it back later as dry campfire wood.

...When you wonder if beer is deductible on your taxes as "heating expense".

Great site guys, I'll stop by from time to time and say Hi!


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## tsquini (Dec 10, 2012)

When you try to play jingle bells with your chainsaw.


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## PapaDave (Dec 10, 2012)

tsquini said:


> When you try to play jingle bells with your chainsaw.


Ooooooh, I hadn't thought of that.
Tomorrow's another day..........for chainsaw Jingle Bells.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 10, 2012)

Steve NW WI said:


> Great site guys, I'll stop by from time to time and say Hi!


 
Welcome. And a good post.


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## pen (Dec 10, 2012)

.....if after being asked to be a moderator, are confronted with the hazing ritual, and you kinda look forward to it 

pen


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## BrotherBart (Dec 10, 2012)

pen said:


> .....if after being asked to be a moderator, are confronted with the hazing ritual, and you kinda look forward to it
> 
> pen


 
Glad the bruises healed and there weren't any scars or hard feelings.


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## PapaDave (Dec 10, 2012)

No hard feelings 'cause he can't feel anything any more.
It's the twitching that's gettin' to him.


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## jeff_t (Dec 10, 2012)

Your ringtone is a chainsaw.


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## ditchrider (Dec 10, 2012)

Scols said:


> When you go out in the middle of a hurricane to grab that big red oak before someone else does.


If we had hurricanes, I'd be guilty.


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## ditchrider (Dec 10, 2012)

jeff_t said:


> Your ringtone is a chainsaw.


Now I've *GOT *to get one of those.


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## Dakotas Dad (Dec 10, 2012)

jeff_t said:


> Your ringtone is a chainsaw.


 
Mine isn't, but my brother tells me the one for me on his phone is a chainsaw running wide open...


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## Tramontana (Dec 10, 2012)

...when your bathroom reading material consists of Sherrill Tree, Baileys, Labonville and Stihl catalogs!


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## Tramontana (Dec 10, 2012)

...when you plan to give SuperCedars to family members as Christmas stocking stuffers.


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## MasterMech (Dec 11, 2012)

Steve NW WI said:


> Great site guys, I'll stop by from time to time and say Hi!



You better! Welcome!


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## MasterMech (Dec 11, 2012)

tsquini said:


> When you try to play jingle bells with your chainsaw.


 
Not jingle bells but the only guy I know to use a saw as a musical instrument...


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## firecracker_77 (Dec 11, 2012)

pen said:


> Your excuse to the wife for getting drunk is: _"*I was trying out the 'tunnel of love' that BG told me about"*_
> 
> _pen_


 
that's funny....


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## Got Wood (Dec 11, 2012)

jeff_t said:


> Your ringtone is a chainsaw.


My ring tone is from the Gieco commercial "Hey, you dang woodchucks...."


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## Jags (Dec 11, 2012)

....When you have an app on your smart phone to calculate cuft of a standing tree.


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## Flatbedford (Dec 11, 2012)

BrotherBart said:


> Glad the bruises healed and there weren't any scars or hard feelings.


 
At least they were where nobody else could see them.


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 11, 2012)

When you read the book about Bob Fisher and Fisher Stoves  twice and recommended it to others.


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## Jags (Dec 11, 2012)

...Or know who John Gulland is...


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 11, 2012)

When you buy a Wood Stove thats 76% Efficient and you Mod it to try to squeeze out a few extra percent. Who would that be?


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## Huntindog1 (Dec 11, 2012)

if your caught staring at your wood stove for countless hours.


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## jharkin (Dec 11, 2012)

When you are finishing up tasks for the office in front of the stove on Saturday....

... Because you spent too much time reading hearth.com at work all week.


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## firefighterjake (Dec 11, 2012)

pen said:


> .....if after being asked to be a moderator, are confronted with the hazing ritual, and you kinda look forward to it
> 
> pen


 
Did it involve chainsaw oil?


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## jharkin (Dec 11, 2012)

firefighterjake said:


> Did it involve chainsaw oil?


 
Strapped to a milk crate.....


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## Jags (Dec 11, 2012)

jharkin said:


> Strapped to a milk crate.....


 
And high heels.


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## firefighterjake (Dec 11, 2012)

I think I need to go gouge out my eyes now with a spoon.


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## Fod01 (Dec 11, 2012)

Jags said:


> And high heels.


umm...EWWW!


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## gregbesia (Dec 11, 2012)

You would love to get ornaments for you Christmas tree in the shape of chain saws, wood stoves, inserts, log splitters, axes and tbe like.


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## Tramontana (Dec 11, 2012)

Jags said:


> And high heels.


 
You guys are jumping the shark!


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## Tramontana (Dec 11, 2012)

firefighterjake said:


> I think I need to go gouge out my eyes now with a spoon.


 
Eye bleach...


...aisle 12.


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## dorkweed (Dec 11, 2012)

If you've ever left a log in the toilet.


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## nate379 (Dec 12, 2012)

I bet that would run a heck of a lot better with a muffler on it.

Lovely "air start" too... 





MasterMech said:


> Not jingle bells but the only guy I know to use a saw as a musical instrument...


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## Insomnivore (Dec 12, 2012)

When you get poison ivy in December. (Speaking from experience).


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## MasterMech (Dec 12, 2012)

nate379 said:


> I bet that would run a heck of a lot better with a muffler on it.
> 
> Lovely "air start" too...


 Never noticed that the muffler was removed....


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## Hearth Mistress (Dec 12, 2012)

Your boss knows that if he calls you on your day off, he will have to talk over the chainsaw idle.  Especially now that it is 50 here in December!


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## Hearth Mistress (Dec 12, 2012)

Dakotas Dad said:


> When the ONLY thing on your Christmas list is a chainsaw part or accessory.
> 
> (Timberline Sharpener)


Or during hurricane sandy, going on 7 days without any utilities, your out of town family wants to send you toothpaste and other toiletries but instead, you ask them to send 16" stihl chainsaw chains!


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## fishingpol (Dec 12, 2012)

When you know more about your neighbors wood stove than he does.

Carrying around a sooteater in the back of your truck for friends and family to use if need be.


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## dorkweed (Dec 12, 2012)

When your significant other doesn't mind an engine hoist in the living room to set the stove on the hearth!!


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## Leroy_B (Dec 12, 2012)

dorkweed said:


> When your significant other doesn't mind an engine hoist in the living room to set the stove on the hearth!!


Something like this:


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## BrotherBart (Dec 12, 2012)

dorkweed said:


> When your significant other doesn't mind an engine hoist in the living room to set the stove on the hearth!!


 
And here I thought my pallet jack in the family room with a stove on it was something.


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## Leroy_B (Dec 12, 2012)

when your stacked wood piles are more organized than your sock and underwear draws.


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## Hearth Mistress (Dec 12, 2012)

No one sees that underwear drawer, my wood stacks are for all to see and envy!


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## Wildo (Dec 12, 2012)

You know you are a real woodburner if...       You use a piece of wood at somepoint during your woodburning installation because it was "the right tool for the job" at the time...


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## Wildo (Dec 12, 2012)

Think about it for a minute and you will know where to use it.   And it isn't as a shim.


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## ScotO (Dec 12, 2012)

when you feel compelled to go out to check on your stack every 10 minutes after a reload to see how quickly the smoke dissappears and the efficient burn starts......

Yes, I do that quite often.......


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## Wildo (Dec 12, 2012)

Scotty Overkill said:


> when you feel compelled to go out to check on your stack every 10 minutes after a reload to see how quickly the smoke dissappears and the efficient burn starts......
> 
> Yes, I do that quite often.......


 



It is okay brother you do not have to feel like you are alone.


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## BrotherBart (Dec 12, 2012)

When your wife shakes her head ruefully as you drive away from the house and she sees the smoke coming from everybody else's chimneys. (Happened again yesterday.)


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## Ashful (Dec 12, 2012)

DTrain said:


> When you are having so much fun your non wood burner friends actually ask to come over and help!


 
Been there!

But I'll add, "... and after said helper cuts off his finger before lunch, you spend four hours in the ER planning how you're going to split the last three cords when you get home that evening."


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## Jacktheknife (Dec 12, 2012)

When you urge your best friend to make the leap into home ownership in hopes of convincing him to install a wood stove so you have another wood cutter in your crew.


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## Ashful (Dec 12, 2012)

Tramontana said:


> ...when your bathroom reading material consists of Sherrill Tree, Baileys, Labonville and Stihl catalogs!


 
My bathroom reading material is hearth.com!  (Sorry, guys and gals...)


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## Jacktheknife (Dec 12, 2012)

Joful said:


> My bathroom reading material is hearth.com!  (Sorry, guys and gals...)


Gives new meaning to "splitting logs."


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## Wildo (Dec 12, 2012)

You know you are a real woodburner if you take a pic of the clouds because they look like a real good fire..........


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## tsquini (Dec 12, 2012)

When the world ends on Dec 21st you hope you wood stacks are saved. So, if someone survives to find your stacks, your legacy would live on.


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## ScotO (Dec 12, 2012)

Joful said:


> My bathroom reading material is hearth.com! (Sorry, guys and gals...)


 remind me to NEVER touch your smartphone.......


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## Wildo (Dec 12, 2012)

If you leave ten splits of cedar for kindling, one stabilized Jonsered,a bucksaw,a Maul head, wedge and axe head,a well protected box of matches, and directions to the scrounge you found on Dec. 20 in a time capsule.  Just in case someone makes it and is chilly.


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## Fod01 (Dec 13, 2012)

Not for nothing, but 'log in the toilet' had me rolling at my desk....bravo!


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## DeerHunter (Dec 13, 2012)

Fi-Q said:


> When you get pissed at you retired daddy because he have all that time off and he is doing all of your wood before you, so you chainsaw have to sleep in the garage for one more season ! Ok, my dad is really gold to me .... But I sure sometime miss doing my own wood. But hey, if it all it takes to make my old man happy !! And in a decade or two, I guess I will be the on doing is wood .


 
Guilty!


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## DeerHunter (Dec 13, 2012)

...If you take a walk with your kids around the neighborhood just so you can see how much wood your woodburning neighbor has burned so far this season and compare...


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## Scols (Dec 13, 2012)

When you almost drive off the road because you are rubbernecking the neighbors stacks.


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## DTrain (Dec 13, 2012)

Joful said:


> Been there!
> 
> But I'll add, "... and after said helper cuts off his finger before lunch, you spend four hours in the ER planning how you're going to split the last three cords when you get home that evening."



Isn't it scary watching some of them swing that maul.


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## DTrain (Dec 13, 2012)

Or when your sunroom turns into a woodshed / walk in beer fridge.


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## Scols (Dec 13, 2012)

DTrain said:


> Or when your sunroom turns into a woodshed / walk in beer fridge.


 I havent been able to pull that one off yet. You must have either a very understanding wife or you did something very special for her.


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## Pallet Pete (Dec 13, 2012)

DTrain said:


> Or when your sunroom turns into a woodshed / walk in beer fridge.


Sh sh don't give my secret beer wood away sheesh !


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## DTrain (Dec 13, 2012)

Scols said:


> I havent been able to pull that one off yet. You must have either a very understanding wife or you did something very special for her.



She doesn't say much if she's toasty warm.


----------



## Scols (Dec 13, 2012)

Pallet Pete said:


> Sh sh don't give my secret beer wood away sheesh !


 Now I know the trick for seasoning wood quickly, Wood Pickeled In Brew! Man I love this site I always learn something


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## DTrain (Dec 13, 2012)

Scols said:


> Now I know the trick for seasoning wood quickly, Wood Pickeled In Brew! Man I love this site I always learn something




Hmmmm.....nope, I'll save my beer for drinking!  Or.... Oak infused ale.  Could work!


----------



## Pallet Pete (Dec 13, 2012)

It's the new craze instead of oak barrel aged beer it's black lager aged oak ! Smells good and you can put the ashes in water an drink the beer afterwords ! 

Pete


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## Scols (Dec 13, 2012)

Pallet Pete said:


> It's the new craze instead of oak barrel aged beer it's black lager aged oak ! Smells good and you can put the ashes in water an drink the beer afterwords !
> 
> Pete


 I'll drink to that!


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## dorkweed (Dec 20, 2012)

If you begin to think that your 7 year old is getting too old to learn to "properly" stack wood.


----------



## bboulier (Dec 20, 2012)

Your wife says it's time to trim the Christmas tree, and you go in search of your axe.


----------



## Ashful (Dec 21, 2012)

When the wife wants to go Christmas Tree shopping, you take your Husqvarna T435 to do the cutting, 'cuz it's "just a _little_ saw."


----------



## Pallet Pete (Dec 21, 2012)

You sit in front of our stove looking out the window at all the snow wondering how you ever got by without firewood. 

Pete


----------



## Paulywalnut (Dec 21, 2012)

You're not looking for aluminium cans anymore. Just was that red oak? or wow I think that was black locust with no bark.


----------

