# Mom Fell, In Florida .....



## Dix (May 7, 2014)

Damn it.

We figured she was down for a day. Neighbor saw her Sunday paper wasn't picked up, and it's always picked up before his. he called the police.

They got in, and found her laying on the floor.

3 days into the hospital, and they are moving her to rehab, which is good.

She's got a huge knot on her head, no broken anything, and is now eating and walking.

Damn it. 

Making plans. She's coming back up here. No ands, ifs or butts.

Damn it.


----------



## Flatbedford (May 7, 2014)

Sorry to hear. Must have been awful for her.  Hope she does well. Good luck.


----------



## BrotherBart (May 7, 2014)

Get one of these. Inexpensive and reliable. Wife has the panic button on a string around her neck and if she pushes it then it dials my cell phone and gives me my recorded message.

http://www.smarthome.com/73087/Skylink-AD-105-Dial-Alert-Emergency-Dialer/p.aspx


----------



## begreen (May 7, 2014)

I'm glad that there were no fractures. Mom had to move in with my sister when she started falling. There were definitely some scary moments and some bone breaks. But she was a stubborn and determined lady.


----------



## fossil (May 7, 2014)

Good neighbor.  Sure glad no broken bones.  It's awful to think of her laying there helpless.  Good to hear she's on the mend now.


----------



## 1kzwoman (May 7, 2014)

Sorry to hear that your Mom fell. Glad that she wasn't hurt to badly.


----------



## Lake Girl (May 8, 2014)

Glad to hear your Mom has such good neighbors but sorry to hear that she fell.  Time to check into alert systems if she is really resistant to moving but your response would be mine...

Have they figured out why she fell  - tripped, slipped, medical reason?


----------



## blades (May 8, 2014)

I can relate, My mom fell cracked tail bone, hospital for several days.  Stepfather had incident same time, hospital stay( same hospital), then it got interesting as they administered a TB test to him in the ER( i have no idea why) and it came up positive- all hell broke loose at that point ( note: If you are on an aspirin regimen the standard TB test will show positive)  they never ran the alternative test for positive conformation, county, state and local health depts all went ballistic on that single test, I had to sue all three and the hospital to get the alternative done. Highly condensed version of a long story.  Oh and he never had TB.


----------



## Jags (May 8, 2014)

Sorry to hear about this.  It is a good thing that nothing is broken.  Older folks heal at a much slower rate (generally).  Do what ya gotta do, but don't be surprised if you get kick back from your mom - just sayin.


----------



## Warm_in_NH (May 8, 2014)

My gram had one of those "I've fallen and can't get up" buttons. She lived with my mother. Mom gets up to use the bathroom in middle of night and hears gram calling for her from her bedroom.  She had a stroke three hours earlier, didn't push the button case she didn't want to bother anyone! 

She's since passed on and now mom is moving north In August (great time to move someone from FL) be with us kids. I keep telling her to be nice or I'll have her sent to the home early.


----------



## Bobbin (May 8, 2014)

I took care of my frail mother for nearly 4 yrs..  I know how it feels to receive the call that something bad has happened.  It's horrible.  There are a lot of important decisions that will need to be made (proceed with caution).  My sincerest wish for you is that your mother is mentally capable and _willing_ to run through some possible solutions (when Mum had her buttons and could discuss things she refused to; when the buttons were lost it took 10 times more work to do what had to be done; it sucked).  Under the best of circumstances this change in "things" is difficult.  One foot in front of the other and put together a good plan. 

I sincerely hope everything goes smoothly for you, Dixie.


----------



## Dix (May 8, 2014)

She's settled in rehab. Very tired.

We've been talking about her moving for a while now, and she was agreeable to that. She's been cleaning out the house, donating to Goodwill, etc. to prepare. If need be, I can take a trip down with the truck & trailer, and get her loaded up & moved. 

Figuring out how best to get her settled here, and which room is the best fit for her. That seems to be the den , where the PE is. It's one level, access to bath & kitchen.

She's pretty sharp. Of course this turn of events (which she is not happy about, trust me on this one..... the apple didn't fall far from the tree) just makes it more imperitive..


----------



## begreen (May 8, 2014)

Could be the stress and fatigue of moving just wore her out, poor dear. Have they checked her for any signs of a TIA? It's good that you are bringing her home. Enjoy this time together. I hope she has many good years left.


----------



## Dix (May 8, 2014)

begreen said:


> Could be the stress and fatigue of moving just wore her out, poor dear. Have they checked her for any signs of a TIA? It's good that you are bringing her home. Enjoy this time together. I hope she has many good years left.



No signs of stroke, shes been poked and prodded, repeatedly, much to her dismay, chagrin, and frustration.general consensus is she tripped, be it over the tea cup sized dog, a throw rug (which have all been removed from the house) , or what ever else might have been around. My Uncle Vinny has access to the house, and he found a throw rug near the bathroom (where she was found) twisted and a mess. He first straightened it out, and then rethought, and pulled every rug off of the ceramic tiled floors,and stuck them in a closet.

Talked to her tonight, She was tired.

I'm copying my post from FB here. This is what she told me tonight

scarey is the train story she told me. Seems after she fell, a train pulled up, with bright lights, and she got on the train, with alot of people on it. When they got to the train station, everyone exited off of the back. When it was her turn to leave, they told her she had to get back on. and they took her back to her house.


----------



## begreen (May 8, 2014)

Good to hear that. It could have been a simple fall. Her recollection is interesting. Sounds like she sensed folks were waiting for her at the home station. I'm glad your mom is recovering and can recall these details. The human mind is a fascinating thing. Though we have learned a lot, we still have no idea what consciousness is.


----------



## Dix (May 8, 2014)

BG, you do not want to listen to her go on a diatribe about Dick Cheney & his wife.

She knows the deal, whole heartedly.


----------



## Bobbin (May 9, 2014)

I'm glad to know your Mom is OK.  Tired is good, now is the time introduce "options".  I know _you're tired, too!_

If I could go back and change anything, Dixie, it would have been the time following my father's death when my brother and I could've "circled the wagons" and helped Mum put together a better "plan" for her remaining years.  We were very unsure about how to approach the subject and all tentative forays were summarily and indignantly rebuffed.  In hindsight, I see now that we were too passive.  And years later we bore the brunt of the negligence. 

The Good Man was aghast when I began beating the "WILL & ESTATE drum".  Freaked right out, frankly.  But watching what unfolded for Mum scared the hell out of me and I was a complete "dog with a bone" about the subject.  I won, and now the GM is thankful. 

Move carefully on this transition.  Make the time to put all the options on the table and sift through them to find the combination that will best suit you both!  You have time on your side, use it wisely!  See an attorney skilled in "Elder law", as soon as your Mom is able; don't miss this opportunity  I cannot stress this enough.  Trust me. 

I don't want to overwhelm you or frighten you.  I learned a lot (the hard way) and if I can spare anyone some of the worry, anguish, heartache... well! I'm your girl!


----------



## Lake Girl (May 9, 2014)

Concussion with the fall likely lead to that interesting story but brain also needed to explain why she could not move...


----------



## begreen (May 9, 2014)

Good point Bobbin. So many folks avoid this conversation. Many years before my mom passed, but after heart surgery I sat her down and had the talk. Did the same with my wife's folks, but for them it was a bit late. How you approach one's approaching demise requires sensitivity and tact. I sat mom down and told her that I suspect that she may have a lot of things on her mind that are hard to talk about, like death, will, funeral, etc..  I let her know that I didn't expect this to happen for many years, but wanted to give her an opportunity to say what was on her mind without tip-toeing around the topic. She took a deep breath, then said thank you. We had a great talk and we covered a lot of topics. Actually the conversations went on for a couple days, she had several concerns and wishes. It gave her a lot of peace of mind knowing that someone was there to take care of final details when the time came. And it opened up a more frank, adult relation between us.


----------



## Dix (May 9, 2014)

Thank you all, so very, very much.

I am very fortunate, in that everything is already pretty much in order. Everything. Dat's my Mom ! She made this issue her mission 3 year ago, and got it done.We talked about alot of things, and I got one helluvan education, myself. 

Her comment "I'm doing it, because it needs to be done. And what pisses me off the most, is that I won't be here to see how it ends!!"

The only issue I had, was "where is the paper work?". Turns out, no one but Mom Knows. It's in the house some where. I don't even know the attorneys name. Ya bet yer bippy this is soon to be rectified. We can't do it the way she wants it if we don't have the ammo. 

Her wishes have been made extremely clear to both my brother & I. My brother is an ass, and always will be. But, he also knows I *WILL *come through the phone and cut his heart out with a spoon.


----------



## begreen (May 9, 2014)

My mom thought she had it all covered too. Her will was just a collection of personal notes. Her insurance policy turned out to be travel insurance that was long ago expired. I got it straightened out, but it was clear as mud to start. And yes there was some sibling muck to go through before it was all done.


----------



## BrotherBart (May 9, 2014)

Been working on that stuff for us after the last three years experiences with in-laws and outlaws. Makes my wife crazy that I am planning on getting incapacitated and dead. Told her I am open to suggestions as to how avoid it happening and I will work on that instead.

Advice: If you are ever asked to be the trustee for in-laws in second marriages, with assorted kids from said marriages, that walk off the mental and health cliff, RUN! Far away.


----------



## Lake Girl (May 10, 2014)

Better you have control than finding out the second in-laws kids wiped out all the cash holdings (RRSP + savings)... lucky he had a health pension from work.


----------



## gzecc (May 10, 2014)

Unfortunately things sometimes have to get worse for people to make a significant life change. My father seemed to be on his death bed in NY (at 100yrs old) then said its now time to go to California to move in with my brother. He is now there at 101. I could go on and on.
He was also on the bathroom floor for at least a day.


----------



## firefighterjake (May 10, 2014)

I'm only 43 and have a will ... truth is lots of people don't always die when they expect to ... not all of us will live to our 80s or 90s ... death happens.


----------



## 1kzwoman (May 10, 2014)

If I may suggest, be sure she is doing breathing exercises. It is common to pull rib muscles with a fall in elderly people. Often they compensate for pain by shallow breathing leading to pneumonia. 
Hopefully her medical team has already addressed this.
Wishing both of you the best


----------



## BrotherBart (May 10, 2014)

Lake Girl said:


> Better you have control than finding out the second in-laws kids wiped out all the cash holdings



Happened before I got called in and threw on the brakes.


----------



## Dix (May 10, 2014)

Well, just got off the phone with Mah. She sounded MUCH better. When we were talking about the pollen up here (and she advised that it would be better to put the AC'S in sooner than later, so they can filter the air . In my head, I'm like "really? like you didn't teach me this chit years ago??" ) I got the "tone" but not the "strength" of her calling me into dinner, which used to echo across "the Lot" back when I was a kid in Panamoka.

She said she is going home soon, and is willing to have a home health aid come in and check on her (covered by well care).

Will wait for updates from the Docs !


----------



## BrotherBart (May 10, 2014)

Glad she is doing well Dix.


----------



## firebroad (May 14, 2014)

Good luck, Eileen!  I have been through a similar, with my Father.  Patience is the watchword of the day, for everyone involved.
Just remember, I'm pulling for ya, we're all in this together...


----------



## Dix (May 14, 2014)

Thanks Sue !

Been talking to Mom every night. She's doing better. She'll be going home in a few days, with my Uncles keeping an eye on her. They are having some serious storms down in FLA, so her escape has been delayed for a few days, much to her chagrin.

She'll be having aides & nurses come in, and we'll see what happens, and take it from there.


----------



## valley ranch (May 19, 2014)

Good that she's getting better. Thumbs up.


----------



## Dix (May 21, 2014)

She's home, and sounding much better. Seems she was on the floor for atleast 2 days..So serious muscle trauma, dehydration, etc.

She's happy, her dog is home, and one of my Uncles is staying with her, along with visiting nurses, etc. Seems Florida's WellCare is pretty awesome  (**** danger, danger, warning, warning .... if anyone turns this into a political discussion, I will first cut your heart out with a spoon, and then leave you to the mercy of the Mods**)*

We're going to see how it goes. NY's senior care is not on par with Florida's.

But she's doing much better for 81.

I thank you all for your thoughts & well wishes !!


----------



## begreen (May 21, 2014)

Good to hear she is recovering and being looked after Dix. FWIW, my mom moved back to NY to live with my sister  and previously had been in FL. We found NY to be pretty good for care. You need to make the system work for her but we were impressed at the quality of care she received for bones broken after a fall and other complications as she got older. The EPIC system worked and we were able to find high quality doctors and facilities when needed. Her last couple years were spent in a nursing home in Somers, NY that provided good care.


----------



## Bobbin (May 22, 2014)

I have found it interesting that as more and more middle aged people are providing care for ageing/infirm parents the nature of available services has changed in response.  When I was doing it finding and accessing assistance was more difficult than it is now.  I'm glad to see changes have been made.  Keeping people in their homes/with their families as long as is possible is crucial to maintaining the well being of the person in question.  I am glad to read your good news, Dixie.  A family willing to "circle the wagons" is an asset of inestimable value.

Our experience with the nursing home was a complete horror, as was the second rehabilitation facility (she'd had a stroke and the first place was fabulous).  I have nothing positive to share about either of those two places; in fact, the experience was searing.  It filled me with revulsion and left me seriously shaken about what is to come for me, the good man, and others I love.  I truly hope things continue to change in the years to come.


----------



## firebroad (May 22, 2014)

It is always better if you can stay in your own home.  A lot of states have visiting nurses/helpers that will check on people daily.  Here in Maryland they encourage it, as assisted living facilities are horribly expensive.  
Two days on the floor!  How awful.  I am glad she is back on the mend.


----------



## begreen (May 22, 2014)

Bobbin, sorry for your bad experience. We were fortunate to be able to keep mom at home with family until she was 98. At that point she was quite frail and needed 24/7 care. We took a long time investigating and researching both rehab and nursing home facilities, followed by visits and interviews before making the decision. Luckily Westchester and Putnam counties had some good choices for us.

Taking a pro-active stance early on, before problems happened really helped us make informed choices when they were necessary. Unless your parent is like my wife's grandmother who never saw a doctor until she was 97, at some point they will need hospital and maybe rehab care. Eventually they may need fulltime nursing home care. It may not be desired, but there are times and cases where it is the best option. The internet has helped a lot in researching facilities. That's a good place to start, then follow up with visits to prime candidates and see if you can get references.


----------



## Flatbedford (May 22, 2014)

begreen said:


> Her last couple years were spent in a nursing home in Somers, NY that provided good care.



That's the town I grew up in. I assume it was the place on RT100. It was called Somers Manor when I was a kid. Maybe the name has changed?


----------



## begreen (May 22, 2014)

Yes, that sounds right.


----------



## Bobbin (May 22, 2014)

For us, the issue wasn't money.  She had the funds to pay for the nursing home.  It was the basic care (lack thereof); slack attention to proper hygiene and sanitary practices.  And the fact that Mum's clothing seemed to vanish as quickly as a fart in a stout breeze (no one ever quite knew where or _how _it "got lost").  When her body was removed the bracelet she'd cherished for years was "missing".  The value wasn't the issue, the fact that it was stolen _was_!  What sickened me most was the realization that I'd never done a complete inventory of her "personal property" (who knew her clothing would be stolen? or that divesting her of jewellery she'd worn for years would be a necessary precaution against theft?), and I was thankful no one there had the cheek to steal her wedding ring and a ring she'd received for her 16th. birthday (I wear them now).  It's been 7 years and the indignity still makes the bile rise in my throat.

Document EVERYTHING; every pair of underpants, every shirt, pair of slacks, etc..  And insist that the intake nurse signs off on the inventory and that anything to be "discarded" is returned to you!  Be a ball-buster on this.  Trust me.  And if your loved one is frail and dependent on proper hygiene (urostomy/colostomy)... show up when they least expect you.  They'll promise you the sun, the moon, and the stars, but the practical reality is the person dealing with the ostomies has nary a clue about how to do it properly.  I learned how... and it wasn't hard (I did it for close to 4 yrs. with no infections), but attention to proper hygienic detail was crucial.  And it was the very thing most lacking whenever "I popped in".  No one paid scant attention when I'd raise concerns... "our staff is professionally trained".  Yeah, _right.  And that's why she died of a urinary tract infection?  _Most inmates die from opportunistic/easily prevented infections that run amok... .  Trust me on this.


----------



## Flatbedford (May 22, 2014)

Bobbin, Sorry you had such a terrible experience.


----------



## begreen (May 23, 2014)

Yes, that sounds like a terrible experience. There are nursing and rehab home rating services that track this stuff now. They are not perfect, but the info helps.

http://www.health.ny.gov/facilities/nursing/
http://health.usnews.com/best-nursing-homes/area/ny


----------



## Lake Girl (May 30, 2014)

Glad to hear your Mom is mending Dixie ... Hope she's as tough as Great Gram Catherine, hit by a city bus in her 80s and had both hips broken - lived to 103!

Canada (Ontario at least) seems to be a bit more progressive as far as elder care - tax breaks and wage insurance for taking time off to care for family members.  Home care is always a preferred option as  our elders are best served by being at home or with family members.  Home health care is a cheaper option (for government insurance here).


----------



## BrotherBart (Jun 1, 2014)

Bobbin said:


> The value wasn't the issue, the fact that it was stolen was!



Had this problem at the home Mom was in. Turns out she was as bad as the rest. The staff call it "shopping". Her stuff was disappearing and stuff that wasn't her's showed up in her room. They said it is common with folks with dementia.


----------

