# You're not leaving that there...



## CountryBoy19 (Aug 25, 2010)

That's what I heard last night from the wife after I had just finished splitting and stacking almost 2 cords of wood.

What?

The wood, I don't want it there so you may as well not stack anymore because you're going to have to move it.

Uh, I asked you if I could stack it here and you said I don't know, but then never said a single word to me when I started stacking it; instead, you waited until I was completely done stacking it here?

Uh, I told you that I didn't want it there

Uh, you said no, I explained exactly where I wanted to put it and you said 'I don't know', but then never said another word about it.

I don't care, it's not staying there....



Anybody want to guess what is going to happen to the wood?

I'm still not sure myself. I'm going to try to sweet-talk her into leaving it there. It's this winter's wood (yellow poplar so it should be seasoned by winter) so it should be gone in a few months. Otherwise I'm going to tell her that I'll move it once I get done splitting all the other wood and I get the fireplace installed. I'm sure I can convince her of that...

It still just aggravates me that she didn't flat out object to the wood being there and then once it's already there then she objects... does she think this work is easy?


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## eba1225 (Aug 25, 2010)

The wood will be moved.  I find that the better half is a visual animal, not knowing how things will look until things are in place.  If I had a nickel for every time I had to move wood I would not need to work.


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## SolarAndWood (Aug 25, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> Anybody want to guess what is going to happen to the wood?



It is going to get burned and everyone is going to enjoy the heat of the fire.  First year burning?   Having a face cord in the garage to throw in the fireplace around the holidays is a lot different than having enough to keep the house warm for the winter.  I'd come up with a mutually agreeable plan before you work on getting a few years ahead.  Even with the mutually agreed upon plan, my wife still doesn't like the stock pile.  But, she tolerates it.


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## thewoodlands (Aug 25, 2010)

[
At a place I use to work at you had to get AVO's signed by the foremen so you could unlock a machine that had been worked on.

AVOID VERBAL ORDERS

Have the foremen sign the AVO before you stack anymore.

zap


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 25, 2010)

SolarAndWood said:
			
		

> CountryBoy19 said:
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Yeah first year burning. I think she is really going to enjoy the fireplace, but she is being extremely picky about where I can and can't stack wood. It's absurd almost. Maybe things will get a bit better when she realizes how nice it is the have the fireplace. She insists on the temp being nice and warm, and there is no way we can keep it that way without wood heat so I know she'll get lots of benefit out of it. But she just doesn't want the wood stacked near the houseShe wants me to call the owner of the field behind us and ask him if I can stack the wood in the edge of the field.

What? You want me to call a complete stranger in California and ask him if I can stack firewood in his field?

Granted, it's not used, and it just grown up in weeds, but she doesn't seem to realize that the wood is eventually going to need to be stored somewhere in our yard.

I'm already a couple years ahead (probably about 8 cords of wood) but I've just now started stacking it. This may get a big difficult if she won't let me stack it anywhere.


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## woodsmaster (Aug 25, 2010)

Have her stack it !


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 25, 2010)

woodsmaster said:
			
		

> Have her stack it !


Ha, I tried that... didn't go over so well...

I actually said I'd move it if she helps me. She said, 'No, you can move it all on your own"


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## zzr7ky (Aug 25, 2010)

"...I don’t want it there so you may as well not stack anymore because you’re going to have to move it."

Honey, I'd be happy to help you move the woodpile once we agree on a good place for it.  On the other hand, we could pick a new spot and start stacking there, and burn this wood this Winter. "  If she's serious she'll help solve her problem.

Some will take responsibility, some will not.   Delivering an ultimatum is a sure way to demotivate the labor department.

ATB, 
Mike


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## ckarotka (Aug 25, 2010)

I call complete strangers all the time asking if I can have the wood that's down on thier property. Asking to stack wood on an unused parcel doesn't seem that odd to me. Plus it sounds like it's where she wants and you'll probably get lots of sun and wind on the edge of a field. Win win.

My MIL works for the county tax assessmen dept. So she has access to all the maps with owners. She won't offer a phone number but who owns the land is public knowledge. So I get a name, find a number and call. Most of the time it's a law firm that handles these parcels and trust me. They are not easy to get on the phone or deal with but I call reguardless. What's the worst they could say "No". If that happens you have more fuel to your current stacking location.


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## firefighterjake (Aug 25, 2010)

I feel for you . . . but I'm lucky . . . all my wife asked me to do was start building my Holtz Mietes in the back yard instead of the front yard . . . in the future . . . and she had no issues with me processing the wood on the side lawn.


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## lowroadacres (Aug 25, 2010)

I can completely relate as I felt exactly the same way when we were about to pull the trigger on installing an insert in our fireplace last year.  I had the green light until we went to the installer's shop and she saw how small the window on the insert door was.  Deal cancelled.

I am spoiled though when it comes to stacking wood as not only do we have two and a half acres to work with, more importantly my bride of 20 years is a farm girl who grew up with wood heating.

We share a yard with her parents and the wood stacking dispute I currently have is with her mom..... Oh, it's not what you think...

We have a several cord stack of box elder in rounds on the North East side of her house yard that she does not want me to move!

She likes the look it gives her yard and the fact that it serves as a privacy fence for her and dad in law.

We are in negotiations as fall approaches


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## burntime (Aug 25, 2010)

I would leave it where it is unless she helps.  That way if she expects you to mind read there will be a consequence next time.  She will have to restack it.  Seriously, my wife is pretty good about the wood thing now.  There was a time, but, a year or two with wood heat and it all seems to melt away...


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 25, 2010)

zzr7ky said:
			
		

> Some will take responsibility, some will not.   Delivering an ultimatum is a sure way to demotivate the labor department.


She won't take responsibility, in her mind she is perfect... I'm the one that does everything wrong. I know I'm not perfect, but I would have thought that if she was really opposed to it being there she would have sternly said no.

You're right that I was demotivated. I dropped my gloves, went inside and opened a beer and just stood there, not knowing what to do. I felt like a HS football player who had led the whole game then lost it in the last 5 seconds. Didn't want to do anything, mad, upset, aggravated, crushed... Hopefully we can talk about it today when I get home from work and figure something out.




			
				ckarotka said:
			
		

> I call complete strangers all the time asking if I can have the wood that's down on thier property. Asking to stack wood on an unused parcel doesn't seem that odd to me. Plus it sounds like it's where she wants and you'll probably get lots of sun and wind on the edge of a field. Win win.
> 
> My MIL works for the county tax assessmen dept. So she has access to all the maps with owners. She won't offer a phone number but who owns the land is public knowledge. So I get a name, find a number and call. Most of the time it's a law firm that handles these parcels and trust me. They are not easy to get on the phone or deal with but I call reguardless. What's the worst they could say "No". If that happens you have more fuel to your current stacking location.



Yeah, it really would work out great in the edge of the field. It'll be completely exposed to sun and wind, it'll make a nice winter windbreak for the young cedar trees I planted this spring and it would keep our yard looking neat. Unfortunately the property is owned by an investment company in CA and they've already tried to play hardball with the property owners in our housing addition. They bought up all the empty lots and then sent us a letter that they were going to get the streets repaved and they expected us to pay for it. So I know what their answer is going to be, they're going to want me to "lease" a section of the field, or they're just going to flat say no.

But this is wood that I'll burn this year and I figured it would be ok close to the house. I certainly don't want to move it, and I doubt that I will unless she at least helps.


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## SolarAndWood (Aug 25, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> ...I dropped my gloves, went inside and opened a beer...



That's not right, she could have at least delivered a beer with the ultimatum.


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## Clarkbar2311 (Aug 25, 2010)

I'd let it sit where it's stacked. If she lacked the curtesy to communicate exactly where she approved then tough luck. It sounds like an ugly situation in total. Keep bending and you'll always have to bend. Just my 2 cents.


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## burntime (Aug 25, 2010)

Clarkbar2311 said:
			
		

> I'd let it sit where it's stacked. If she lacked the curtesy to communicate exactly where she approved then tough luck. It sounds like an ugly situation in total. Keep bending and you'll always have to bend. Just my 2 cents.



Yep, its stupid to get in a disagreement with wood but its the work, not the wood.  It will resolve itself the first burning season! :lol:


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## Backwoods Savage (Aug 25, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> That's what I heard last night from the wife after I had just finished splitting and stacking almost 2 cords of wood.
> 
> What?
> 
> ...




I won't guess what will happen to your wood but if it were on my place, the wood would get moved only from the stack to the stove. End of conversation.


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## hilly (Aug 25, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> She won't take responsibility, in her mind she is perfect... I'm the one that does everything wrong. I know I'm not perfect, but I would have thought that if she was really opposed to it being there she would have sternly said no.



Reminds me of the saying... I know I married Ms. Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.


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## Vincent (Aug 25, 2010)

Tell her to get dinner started and after you get done eating you'll show her where to stack it.    good luck


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## Lumber-Jack (Aug 25, 2010)

Sounds like you didn't think, or talk, things through thoroughly enough before jumping into this wood burning thing.
In my household I'm the head of the the house. Of course I do talk things over with my wife and value her input, but in a case like this, where I'm the one doing all the work to provide heat for the house, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be the one deciding where the wood gets stacked.
Marriages unions can be broken or strengthened over such matters.


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## Adios Pantalones (Aug 25, 2010)

Crap.  I'm lucky to live next to woods, in an NH style yard with a log home- wood stacks are decor here and my wife appreciates them


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## ewdudley (Aug 25, 2010)

Penny Wharvey McGill: Well, we need that ring.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durn big lake.
Penny Wharvey McGill: Uh-uh.
Ulysses Everett McGill: A 9,000 hectare lake.
Penny Wharvey McGill: I don't care if it's 90,000...
Ulysses Everett McGill: But honey...
Penny Wharvey McGill: that lake was not my doing.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Of course not honey...
Penny Wharvey McGill: I counted to three, honey.
Ulysses Everett McGill: No, wait, honey! Finding one little ring in the middle of all that water is one hell of a heroic task!


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## maplewood (Aug 25, 2010)

Before I weight in with my opinion, please post a pic and some more details.  
     The condition of the bark may sway me one way or another.
     If the heart is solid it would make a difference.
     The presence of bugs is a definite no-no.

Maybe get a picture of the firewood, too.

Can you see my Avatar?


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## smokinj (Aug 25, 2010)

maplewood said:
			
		

> Before I weight in with my opinion, please post a pic and some more details.
> The condition of the bark may sway me one way or another.
> If the heart is solid it would make a difference.
> The presence of bugs is a definite no-no.
> ...




lol we would not get along very well if she ask me to move the wood pile. Now if she wanted to move it, its all good!


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 25, 2010)

Carbon_Liberator said:
			
		

> Sounds like you didn't think, or talk, things through thoroughly enough before jumping into this wood burning thing.
> In my household I'm the head of the the house. Of course I do talk things over with my wife and value her input, but in a case like this, where I'm the one doing all the work to provide heat for the house, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be the one deciding where the wood gets stacked.
> Marriages unions can be broken or strengthened over such matters.



Well, we didn't just "jump into burning wood"; we've been talking about it for a while now and both of us have family that burn wood. She knew there was going to be a wood pile. I guess we just didn't fully talk it over on where exactly the wood will be stored. I'm wanting to put it out where it's more exposed to sun/wind yet easy to get to, she doesn't care about any of that.




			
				maplewood said:
			
		

> Before I weight in with my opinion, please post a pic and some more details.
> The condition of the bark may sway me one way or another.
> If the heart is solid it would make a difference.
> The presence of bugs is a definite no-no.



I hate posting pics... but I'll be happy to give details.

On the rear of our house we have a porch/deck that stretches nearly the full length of the house. There is no landscaping etc there and I thought that a stack of wood would do well all along the deck. It would be exposed to the prevailing wind and afternoon-evening sun. It will also be easily accessible; I won't even have to leave the porch to get wood, just grab it from the other side of the rail. The wood is stacked up to the save height as the railing which is 3 feet high from the porch but 6 feet high from the ground. Bark is good and in tact, not making a mess. The heart is solid, it's all good solid wood. No bugs as of yet and I did put down a granular insecticide as a barrier between wood and home in case bugs become a problem. Her 2 main gripes about the location are "it will cause more spider problems in the house", which I don't see happening, we've been battling spiders since we moved in, if anything the insecticide I put down will help with the spiders. Her other gripe is that it looks tacky with wood stacked up next to the deck railing...

Ok, I get her 2 gripes, the first shouldn't be a problem, and the 2nd problem isn't going to kill anybody or cause any major problem for the few months that the wood is going to be there. She is having a really good day today so I may have some success talking it over with her tonight. I would be happy to stack the wood elsewhere from now on, it was a miscommunication and those happen sometimes, but it would be really nice of her to respect me and the work I've done enough to let me leave the pile there until it gets burnt this winter.


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## cncpro (Aug 25, 2010)

My answer...

I asked you where to put it and you didn't say.  If you want it moved you'll have to do it yourself.  If you're moving it further from the house you can be the one to haul the wood inside every morning.  Here are my gloves if you need them.


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## Capt (Aug 25, 2010)

Vincent said:
			
		

> Tell her to get dinner started and after you get done eating you'll show her where to stack it.    good luck



HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Right on Vince!  That is exactly what I would have said.  My wife understands the labor involved with the firewood, there is no way she would say anything.  I guess I must be blessed.......


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## Delta-T (Aug 25, 2010)

eh, throw a couple of potted plants on top of the stack and pretend you have no idea what she's talkin about....."wood pile? theres no wood pile, you mean those two shrubberies?". My wife knows I'm smart as a whip, so I always play dumb......"what laundry?"....."oh, its in the dryer, no wonder I didn't see it.....how was I to know?". Doesn't really work, but it makes me chuckle, and it might make you chuckle too.....when she's not looking of course.


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## Dix (Aug 25, 2010)

I'da been ticked because it wasn't on the porch already  ;-)


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## ansehnlich1 (Aug 25, 2010)

Move the wood pile. Yep, that's right, I said move it. Have a conversation with her, jointly come to agreement where to have your wood stacked, and move it there. Get it over with. Stop fighting it. It will make her happy, you will lose nothing but a couple hours of work, and the woodpile location will be established for upcoming years. 

Don't make the woodpile a fight with the woman you love where you and/or her draw a line in the sand and the marriage suffers.

Move the dammmmed wood pile and get on with life.

If I lived in southern IN I'd come help ya.

That's my $.02 and I'm stickin' to it.


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## cncpro (Aug 25, 2010)

ansehnlich1 said:
			
		

> Don't make the woodpile a fight with the woman you love where you and/or her draw a line in the sand and the marriage suffers.



I thought marriage and suffering went hand in hand.  Maybe I'm doing it wrong.


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## firefighterjake (Aug 25, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> Carbon_Liberator said:
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I agree . . . and hopefully she will see you are being reasonable here and making a change for next year . . . unless she wants to help you move the woodpile . . . in which case I would then move it together and maybe it will be one of those bonding experiences . . . or at least she will see how much work it is. Good luck.


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## loon (Aug 25, 2010)

firefighterjake said:
			
		

> I agree . . . and hopefully she will see you are being reasonable here and making a change for next year . . . unless she wants to help you move the woodpile . . . in which case I would then move it together and maybe it will be one of those bonding experiences . . . or at least she will see how much work it is. Good luck.



these would be a nice gesture 








Terry


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## dswitham (Aug 25, 2010)

We talked over where to stack the wood, but since he didn't stack any of it, he didn't really care where I stacked it.  :lol: Since now I am the one who tends the boiler and stove, as well as bring the wood into the house, he let me stack it where I wanted it. Although I have to admit before I took part in tending to the stove and boiler I wanted the wood stacked out back where I couldn't see it. :red:


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## Jags (Aug 25, 2010)

Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:
			
		

> I'da been ticked because it wasn't on the porch already  ;-)



You go girl. :lol:


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## Dix (Aug 25, 2010)

dswitham said:
			
		

> We talked over where to stack the wood, but since he didn't stack any of it, he didn't really care where I stacked it.  :lol: Since now I am the one who tends the boiler and stove, as well as bring the wood into the house, he let me stack it where I wanted it. Although I have to admit before I took part in tending to the stove and boiler I wanted the wood stacked out back where I couldn't see it. :red:



Ok, but now that you've come to your senses, welcome to Da Sistah Hood  :coolsmile:


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## Dix (Aug 25, 2010)

Jags said:
			
		

> Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:
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Thanks, Jags !!

Just being practical


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## btuser (Aug 25, 2010)

Move it a few pieces at a time, into the stove.


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## amateur cutter (Aug 25, 2010)

Had a similar conversation with my wife years ago, explained why the woodpiles needed to be where they are etc. She really didn't like it & wanted a different arrangement. I then suggested that if she preferred the house @ 75 to 78* in the winter, that she find a second job to pay the propain bill. End of complaints about woodpile location, propain bill avgs. about 350 400 yr for hot water, stove, & clothes dryer. All money saved on heat gets applied to principal on mortgage. Good arrangement all in all. A C


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## woodsman23 (Aug 26, 2010)

grow a set and tell her it stays! simple stuff...


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## mkt1 (Aug 26, 2010)

I guess I have an exceptional wife, she goes with me to cut wood although she cant be around the chain saw due to a pace maker,she runs the splitter and helps load, haul and stack the wood in the barn, then helps haul it to the house come winter and  has me stack it on the patio, and put some in the garage for cold wet mornings so she doesn,t have to go outside in her night clothes. AND buyes my new saws,chains , chaps, boots, and matching work gloves......and the occasional rifle,or pistol....so on my birthday I try and take her to her favorite Jewlery store for a little prize,and on her birthday I try to find her a little trinket from her favorate jewlery store.


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 26, 2010)

amateur cutter said:
			
		

> I then suggested that if she preferred the house @ 75 to 78* in the winter, that she find a second job to pay the propain bill. End of complaints about woodpile location


I wish it was that easy. She is already working 2 part-time jobs, so she is trying, but she still acts like she is the bread-winner; my paycheck is about 5 times that of her 2 jobs combined.

All that on top of her stubbornness, which she is supposedly "working on". She absolutely refuses to cave to anything. She says the wood isn't staying there, period. I said I'd be happy to move it if you help me, but until then it's staying there. She just gets mad and walks away before we can get anywhere on the conversation.

But I'm tired of caving into her every desire so I'm going to stand my ground on this. I've got entirely too much other stuff to do around the house to move 2 cords of wood that I worked so hard to stack.

BTW, I called the property management company for the field. They said they can't see any reason why stacking wood there would be a problem but they want me to sign an agreement that they're not liable for any damage etc that happens because of the wood. So that is where the remainder of the wood is going to be stacked.


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## thewoodlands (Aug 26, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> amateur cutter said:
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This weekend throw some Christmas lights on it then when it gets dark go outside and plug them in, should look nice. If she still hates it I would move it your marriage is more important than two cord of wood then work on the communication.

My wife ask me in the spring time if she could have the backyard back (stacked 14 f/c the year before in the back) I had room and made some other stacking areas then moved about 4 f/c.

Look at your wife then look at the wood pile then repeat until you figure out which one you love the most.  :-/ 


zap


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## Swedishchef (Aug 26, 2010)

Wow..I dunno what to say. My wife, so far, doesn't mind 10 cords of wood in the back yard.

If she changes her mind I will simply say "Sounds good, I will be done moving it in 2 weeks" since that is what it would take me with my wheelbarrow  (no tractor, no quad, no trailer, NOTHING).

Who ever said being married was easy eh??

ANdrew


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## ckarotka (Aug 26, 2010)

Tuff call. I didn;t want the wood in the backyard anymore so I moved it to the side/front yard. My wife really doesn't care that I put it there because it's a part of the yard we never use and just happens to be the sunniest. I was more worried about the neighbors than the wife.

She told me if the neighbors complained she was going to forward our natural gas bills to them :bug: 

It takes time to win some wood battles. Right now she's not that happy that all summer I've been constantly talking about getting wood, splitting wood. stacking wood. More the time away than the item or location. She knows why though and she loves the heat. 

That first bitter cold day she comes home from wherever and you have a hot fire going and some coffee or cocoa and she sits on the hearth to warm her back and takes her boots off and gets comfy, you tell her you need more wood and it's all in farthest stack away from the house so get dressed princess and get it done!! LOL just kidding. On that cold day she will appreciate your efforts and may be more understanding.


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## gpcollen1 (Aug 26, 2010)

woodsman23 said:
			
		

> grow a set and tell her it stays! simple stuff...



You took the words right out of my mouth...

There is always a division of labor in a house as well as a division of when one is right and one is wrong or just shuts up about it.  This time you are right, even if it solely b/c you shouldn't have to move all that wood again.  Just tell her that you are in charge of the wood and this is where it is...


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## ChillyGator (Aug 26, 2010)

Periodically I remember why I'm still single  :lol:


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## op_man1 (Aug 26, 2010)

My wife and I have had to adjust for each other over the years - I have become more sensitive to her esthetic sense and she has become more practical. Sounds like this isn't about the woodpile as much as it is finding a way to work with each other. If this is the issue you have, moving the wood pile after receiving your orders won't resolve anything, it will just reinforce the dynamic.

Looks like this thread sure has struck a cord with folks!


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## Danno77 (Aug 26, 2010)

possible responses for next time:
"If you don't like how I process firewood, then is now a good time to talk about your cooking?"
"I'll move it one stove load at a time"
"I'll move that wood when you move mine"
"You cut and split some wood and I'll stack it anywhere you want."
"Yes, Dear"*
.
.
.
.
.
.
*This is a lie, of course, but it usually makes them happy.


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## burntime (Aug 26, 2010)

Danno has it right.  If the lady does not want to talk about it consider yourself lucky.  There is no "absolute" in my house.  We discuss things and we may disagree at some point, but I have yet to be forbidden.  I extend the same courtesy...


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## cptoneleg (Aug 26, 2010)

Yes Just get anew Wife they are adime a dozen for a hard woking man who keeps his Kingdom warm in the Winter.


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## Tony H (Aug 27, 2010)

Just go ahead and move it ..... up onto the porch and put a old dress of hers over it , When she asks why say it looked big enough to cover the wood pile.  j/k

My wife told me she hates the boiler and would rather pay for the gas , because it takes too much time away from the projects she wants me to do .


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## gibson (Aug 27, 2010)

CountryBoy19 said:
			
		

> woodsmaster said:
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My wife came home with "kettlebells", weights with handles, to workout with.  Probably cost as much as 1/2 cord of wood.  When I had two cords delivered recently, I said "you can help me stack this and you won't have to do your kettlebell workout"...didn't work.


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## bogydave (Aug 27, 2010)

Tell her you put it there until she decided where she wants the wood shed.
Ask her where she wants the wood shed.
Check with fire dept, property managers, etc. to make sure all OK 
Have her help locate the corners.
By that time it's winter, & the wood will be getting burned, & too late to build a shed.
Now, come spring, go buy the stuff for the wood shed.
Verify the location & build it.
Now you have a wood shed to move any of the left over & new wood into. 

2 days ago, I picked 1-1/2 gallons of raspberries, brought them in, "You expect me to stop what I'm doing, to use the berries & make a pie"  I say "no, the berries are ripe now & some falling on the ground & needed picked"
Short version, I gave the berries to the neighbor, they were happy.  
Today she wants berries for a pie, told her berries are all gone, go ask the neighbors. 

When you figure it out, let me know, 36 years here.


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## ROBERT F (Aug 27, 2010)

Clarkbar2311 said:
			
		

> Keep bending and you'll always have to bend. Just my 2 cents.


  They will bend you till they break you, then blame your broken a** for not being able to take it.  Once you let them walk on you, you end up a door mat!  figured that out with the first wife, didnt learn my leason with the second. stupid me.  Communication and a good marraige counselor.  even then, you'll end up moving the wood and being a jerk for not listening to her in the first place. even if she said nothing.


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## humpin iron (Aug 27, 2010)

......I do most of the cooking, one day when the kids were little my bride came home and dinner was ready.  She had a bad day.  Well nothing was right with dinner and she didn't stop letting me know.  I finely said let me see that, she handed the plate over.  I turned around and dropped plate and all in the garbage.  I then finished my dinner and explained that I wouldent want her to suffer anymore.
  In 1 week we will be married 31 years, she is the reason the sun comes up in my eyes.  But sometimes ya gotta stand yer ground


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## Dix (Aug 27, 2010)

I feel really bad for some of you guys


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## firefighterjake (Aug 27, 2010)

So I told my wife about your plight this morning . . . and some of the responses which seem to range from the "I'm-the-man-and-I'll-do-as-I-please-so-grow-a-pair-and-tell-here-it's-staying" to the other end of the spectrum where folks are advising that you just move it for marital harmony. 

Here's her thoughts . . . and I thought these thoughts quite telling . . . then again I'm kind of partial to my wife . . . and we must be doing something right since a lot of marriages in America don't last and as of next Tuesday we'll have been married 14 years (and together for 16 years):

First off, she said it seems as though when guys are talking (or in this case writing) to other guys she said us guys often seem to take the "I'm the man in this household and I wear the pants" attitude . . . especially younger guys . . . but she said what she sees far too often is that these macho guys say one thing . . . but behind closed doors are putty in their wives' hands . . . or at least they're not as caveman-like as they want other guys to think they are for whatever reason.

Second . . . she agreed with me . . . marriage is a give and take relationship . . . and it's a relationship built on communication . . . and loving the other person as much as you love yourself. If the wife did not make a decision until after the member finished the work then she feels as though the wife has two choices: 1) Help move the wood pile or 2) Leave the wood pile there and have the husband stack wood somewhere else in the future. 

My wife said young couples especially (and no offense to the OP here) often are used to making decisions on their own, looking after themselves first and foremost and having the world revolve around us. All our life to the point where we get married we pretty much are used to ourselves being the only decision maker (to some degree -- realizing that we must follow the law and rule of our parents, state, federal government, etc.) . . . and for many of us we're used to gettting what we want most of the time . . . until we get into a relationship . . . and then things change. Now the decisions we make affect another person . . . and now we must consider or should consider the feelings and actions of another person and how our actions affect that other person . . . part of growing up and maturing in a deep relationship is realizing that this person you are with is truly your best friend and that you wouldn't ever want to hurt or make that person unhappy . . . the way I see it . . . I am happiest when I can make my wife happy and she is happiest by making me happy . . . and when you are always looking out for that other person and not putting yourself first . . . and your spouse is doing the very same thing . . . well, good things happen because each is trying to make each other happy and as a result everyone is happy and on the same proverbial page.

As to just moving the pile in the interest of marital harmony my wife felt this would be the wrong thing to do . . . in the short term she said it would smooth over the problem . . . but the message it sends in the long term is that if you just complain hard and long enough then you can get your way with nearly anything. Now that said, sometimes there are issues on which a person needs to stand their ground -- issues that involve the financial standing of both partners, health issues which affect both partners, etc. . . . but on a trivial item like this . . . well, it's just that . . . trivial . . . your wife needs to let go and realize she doesn't always have to get her way or always be right . . . and incidentally . . . this goes both ways . . . for men . . . and for women.

As for the I'm the man, I wear the pants crowd . . . well I learned a long time ago that this doesn't work . . . my wife and I are truly equal partners. Sure, she may not be out there cutting down trees and I may shudder at the thought of dusting (that's not to say I don't help vacuum and clean the house and she doesn't help split or stack wood) . . . but we both work hard and both contribute to the relationship and well being of the household. A long, long time ago . . . in a relationship not so far away I once stepped on a rusty nail and refused to go to the hospital to get a tetanus shot. She kept insisting I go and I finally said, "I'm the man in this house and it's my own body" to which she quietly said, "That may be so, but what affects you, affects me . . . and while it is true you are the man and it's your own body I'll tell you that I'm the woman in this house and this is my own body . . . and until you go to the hospital this body is sleeping on the bed and your body is sleeping on the couch." At the time I was pretty ticked . . . but now in hindsight I see the reasoning . . . what I was doing (or not doing) had the potential to drastically affect her . . . and what I thought was nagging was in reality simple concern over my health and well-being . . . and I was being a dumb a$$ and not seeing things for what they were.

So to sum up . . . I (and my wife) still maintain your wife is wrong (especially if she failed to make a decision until after the work was done) and feel the options are to either leave the wood there until it is all burned or your wife can help move the wood . . . and maybe next time if she truly has an opinion she will let you know before the work is done.


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## Danno77 (Aug 27, 2010)

your post was too long. could you please sum it up with a
"I'm with quads, just restack the sucker"
or 
"i'm with quads, just leave the sucker"
lol


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## firefighterjake (Aug 27, 2010)

Danno77 said:
			
		

> your post was too long. could you please sum it up with a
> "I'm with quads, just restack the sucker"
> or
> "i'm with quads, just leave the sucker"
> lol





You sound like a friend of mine . . . he describes my posts like this . . . Words Words Words Words Words Let's go ATVing Words Words Words Words We can also go camping Words Words Words Words Words You bring the beer Words Words Words Words Words I'll kick in some money if you're willing to cook Words Words Words Words Words See you on Friday. 

So to sum up Danno.

I'm with Quads -- just leave the sucker (unless she is willing to help you move the stack!


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## Jags (Aug 27, 2010)

Danno77 said:
			
		

> your post was too long. could you please sum it up with a
> "I'm with quads, just restack the sucker"
> or
> "i'm with quads, just leave the sucker"
> lol



 :lol:  :lol:  :coolsmile:


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## Danno77 (Aug 27, 2010)

Just so you know, Jake, I actually did read the post and agree. That wouldn't have been a funny reply, though....


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## humpin iron (Aug 27, 2010)

.....31 years and I can't agree more that it is a give and take union.  When I handed my daughter off to her husband I told them BOTH don't ever take each other for granted.....


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## bogydave (Aug 27, 2010)

So much for a macho forum. "woodshed".
Psychoanalyzing a pile of wood & relationship issues.
Maybe we need a new "forum name" topic. Woodburner Relationships.

Lots of wisdom given on the topic. No idea or method fits everyone, it's all a learning process. 
Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" .  
The problem isn't the pile of wood, it's much deeper. For hundreds of years, Thousands have tried  explaining  the man-women relationship & failed.
Was, Is & Will be a never ending search for a perfect relationship between the 2, not to ever be solved by men.

Now lets all "hug" 
&  
"FIRE UP THE SAW, SWING THE MAUL & GET SOME WORK DONE"


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## andybaker (Aug 27, 2010)

Sounds to me that the wood isn't exactly the problem. I think you ought to really think about making a stand on this one. Not the kind of stand that causes her too fight back, rather one that shows her who you are and what your made of. A stand that ought to make her happy to have found such a man and maybe one that will remind her that it is her that choose this man in the first place. From the amount of posts this topic has generated it must really hit close to the heart. How long have you two been married? This really may be a gift. As for me, and I'm known for doing whatever my wife wants, I would let my wife know that the wood will be burnt this winter and that I'm sorry you don't like how it looks now, next year lets get something understood before I bring the wood home. I would suggest that when she looks at it, think about how nice that heat will feel this winter and why would she try to upset you over a wood pile when next year you can change it. Ask her, what does she love more, you or the way things look around there, and that the wood pile will stay there so she can be reminded of that every time she looks at it, kinda like her wedding ring. Really, it's only a temporary issue and you love her so much, you know she's working on not being so bossy, this is your contribution to helping her with that. After 25 years of marriage, I have found that often problems that come up between us we never will resolve, we just outlive them until they don't matter anymore, later on they're fun to laugh at.


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## cptoneleg (Aug 27, 2010)

Dear Abby dear Abby Im henpecked as Hell.                      
                                    My wife makes me move my woodpiles around. %-P                                                 
                                    Signed Woodmover                                     

                                    Woodmover Woodmover you better get to your chores.                
                                    You are what you are you ain't what you ain't.            

                                    Signed Abby


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## Tarmsolo60 (Aug 28, 2010)

Just move the darn pile so she can find something new to be mad at you about.

Actually, I would tell her you will burn that pile first and stack in different place from now on. That seems reasonable for two adults.


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## fishingpol (Aug 28, 2010)

1.) Put curtains on the stacks and call it a day.
2.) Fake a back strain after moving a bit of the pile then guilt her in to bringing cold beverages to you in the lawn chair all weekend.
3.) If you had thought on your feet you would have said "Hearth.com forum members agreed with me that this is the best location for the pile due to wind and sun exposure, therefore seasoning the wood quicker.  This will save on the heating bill this winter."
4.) As a last resort, drop a large split on your hand and repeat step 2.

Just kidding, but compromise to a decision and slowly chisel away at getting the scale tipped back in your favor.

Jon


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## Mrs. Krabappel (Aug 28, 2010)

I've the perfect solution for the wood location.   Move it on over next to MY porch.  I won't mind a bit.  :lol:


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## gzecc (Aug 28, 2010)

You could tell her that you will move the wood right after you have your testicles removed also! Maybe thats already been done.  Sorry I couldn't resist, hope it already hasn't been used! I don't have the patience to read all these.   Please don't take this personally I just couldn't resist, thats probably what I would tell my wife! Sometimes people have to realize how important some things are to us!
Send us a picture of this wood pile. We will judge if it warrants removal.


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## Mrs. Krabappel (Aug 28, 2010)

p.s.  While I don't think you should move that pile of wood, I also don't think you should draw a line in the sand.  I wouldn't want to die on that hill.    You can win on this issue or you can WIN in your marriage by finding a situation where you both felt like you had a say.

But then I wouldn't take marriage advice from me :lol:

I'm like Pee Wee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLizztikRk


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## Bobbin (Aug 28, 2010)

What a funny thread.  Thanks for the laughs, you guys.  

Jake, your post is perfect, along with so many other guys'... so are Eileen's and Kathleen's.  

We took down a bunch of trees to build the bahn.  BIL took down several on his property, too.  We "scored big" and there was no way in hell the bounty was going to be hauled away "for free" after the tree guys did their thing.  OK, where to stack the stuff we'd split?  Practical and pragmatic to my very marrow I quickly realized that to take best advantage of sun and prevailing wind and keep the stacks out of public view I'd have to sacrifice my beloved back yard.  'bout broke my heart but in the greater context... not a big deal!  The husband and I carefully stacked it neatly and I "sucked it up".   I was promised that the wood would be moved under cover in one year's time and IT WAS!  Workin' on wood can be a mutually satisfyin' thing, lol. 

I work in the Home Dec. trade.  I'm all about  aesthetics, "how things look".  But, sometimes you can't always have the "look" you want immediately.  Sometimes minimizing the "damage" is the best you can hope for, lol.  Here's the question I always ask myself:  is this the hill I want to die on?  I've yet to find that it is, frankly.  I had one of my gardening friends over last year, she confided that there was no way she'd "allow" that sort of thing in her backyard.  I smiled and said that knowing I had the best part of $1500/wood in my yard was just fine with me... , shoulda seen her face.  She had no idea how much those stacks were "worth" and it was a dope slap for her since her husband was unemployed.  For the "girls" out there who like a cozy home and don't participate in the "wood thing"... 

Wood=Work=Money.  Simple.  It's a time and motion, "piece rate" thing... handle it as few times as you have to and you'll derive the most benefit.  Pretty simple when you winnow it down to the "least common denominator".  And to the guys out there... make the time to discuss the siting and the relative benefits to the "little woman".  And do your best to make the stacks neat and keep them tidy.  It will mean a lot, trust me.  

(I hate to cook, but I happily clean up the trail the husband leaves behind.  Having good food on the table without having to lift a finger to do it is more luxurious than I can say.  A meal never cooks under this roof without, "wow, that smells great!" and it never ends without a sincere, "that was fabulous, thank you for a lovely meal".  I may grouse about the number of pans/dishes deployed to create it, but I always clean them up!)


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## tickbitty (Aug 28, 2010)

cptoneleg said:
			
		

> Dear Abby dear Abby Im henpecked as Hell.
> My wife makes me move my woodpiles around. %-P
> Signed Woodmover
> 
> ...



Gotta love John Prine!


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## firefighterjake (Aug 30, 2010)

Bobbin said:
			
		

> What a funny thread.  Thanks for the laughs, you guys.
> 
> Jake, your post is perfect, along with so many other guys'... so are Eileen's and Kathleen's.
> 
> ...



HehHeh . . . this line struck home with me. In our household whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up . . . and vice versa. Since I hate cleaning up I tend to do more of the cooking . . . and my wife often remarks about a) my ability to use the maxium amount of dishes, bowls and utensils possible and b) my inability to put said items into the dishwasher after use.


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## Got Wood (Aug 30, 2010)

My guess, your wife probably doesnt realize how much work goes into stacking a pile. Just yesterday, I was out in my "woodland" splitting about a cord. After a lunch break I went out to stack. My wife came out to tell me she was running to the store and said "wow, you split all that today? How much wood is it?". I finished stacking on a row of pallets that I had earlier started on, the pile I had split was exactly enough to finish filling up the pallets. When my wife got home, I told her this and she was amazed at how much wood a cord was.


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## PapaDave (Aug 30, 2010)

The woodshed is in the FRONT yard. Right in front of the stove room, 20 ft. away. It's somewhat shielded from road view, but can be seen quite easily. 
That happens to be the absolute best place for the finished (dry) firewood, so that's where it's going. I would have to "die on that hill" before putting it anywhere else, because it wouldn't make sense to put it some other place. If I could have put it closer, I would have, just to make it easier to get splits to the house in the dead of winter when there's over a foot of snow on the ground and it's 5 deg. outside.
I have a pretty nice yard. It's not manicured like some, but nice. The woodshed is a nicer accent than the 16 stacks I've had sitting there for the past 4 years, which took up MUCH more space. Form and function in balance.
Maybe I should ask what color she'd like it to be.


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## CountryBoy19 (Aug 30, 2010)

Sorry for the delayed response. It was a busy weekend so I didn't get a chance to get on much.

We're newly-weds (married in May) but we've known eachother for about 10 years now and dated for about 6 before getting married. We know each other well and we know what makes each other "tick".

I think the root of the problem is just that she doesn't communicate very well; she has been trying to work on her communication but it's a slow process.

Take that in addition to her moving in with me, which is 3 hours from her where she lived with her parents, she has no close family/friends around here to vent on etc. She is out of her comfort zone a little bit, and we're still in that process of figuring out how responsibilities will be shared in the household.



			
				firefighterjake said:
			
		

> HehHeh . . . this line struck home with me. In our household whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up . . . and vice versa. Since I hate cleaning up I tend to do more of the cooking . . . and my wife often remarks about a) my ability to use the maxium amount of dishes, bowls and utensils possible and b) my inability to put said items into the dishwasher after use.



Funny that you mention the cooking thing. I also prefer to cook, and do so about 80% of the time. And our agreement has always been that the person that cooks doesn't have to clean up.

But occasionally I'll have my hands too full and can't handle it all in the kitchen, and I'll ask her for just a couple minutes of help. She instantly thinks that gets her off the hook for cleanup. I obviously expect her to still clean up (I'll still offer some help because she helped me).

I ultimately think the problem is that she doesn't fully respect just how much work I do at work and when I get home. She has allergies so I do all the outside work, I work 10 hours a day and make 80% of our household income. Yet she barks orders at me from her seat in front of the computer (facebook) the instant I walk through the door. Her excuse is that I have a desk job so I should have plenty of energy to burn when I get home from work.

It's just going to take time to work things out and for her to realize things... I'm patient.

But she did get a new job, related to her major and her passion and she started today, so maybe as time goes on she'll just "grow accustomed" to the woodpile where it is for now. At least for now I think she is ok with it until I get the rest of the wood split and stacked in the field and I get the fireplace installed.


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## tickbitty (Aug 30, 2010)

This is not a real comment on the poster's plight, I think other folks have all given this a lot of thought and posted good answers.  I did need to fix cptoneleg's verse for the John Prine song Dear Abby though.  Cause it was such a good idea!

Dear Abby dear Abby 
Im henpecked as Hell. 
My wife makes me stack wood, then move it, as well
I cain't seem to please her, - please settle this fight,
'cause she thinks she's perfect, and always is right.

Signed, Woodmover                                     

Woodmover, Woodmover 
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop moanin' about it and stack up that wood!


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## Danno77 (Aug 30, 2010)

ahhh, newlyweds. that explains a little. Really getting into a grove with chores takes SOME people a while to get used to. There will always be some misunderstanding about who's got it easier, and sometimes a gentle reminder is needed from both parties to assure that there are things being done in the background that are often forgotten. My wife might ask me when the last time I unloaded the dishwasher was, and I'll ask her when the last time she fed the dog. we all have chores, and sometimes we get sick of our chores and feel under-appreciated. My wife has just recently started to appreciate all the work I do with firewood, but there are still times in the fall where I work two or three weekends from dawn till dusk and she starts in about how I need to do something to HELP around the house, instead of PLAYING outside. I just promise to help some more and then remember to complain about all the hard work outside so she remembers that it's not like I'm out there playing basketball. Like many here, it isn't work, it is enjoyable, but that doesn't make it easy, and it doesn't make it less than NECESSARY for survival for some of us. I think the fact that we enjoy it so much is why it's easy for some of our spouses to forget that it is hard work.

It will all come in time. appreciate her hard work a little more, and she'll notice some of yours. If she still seems slow to recognize your work then make sure to drop a couple of comments here and there about your neck being sore from splitting so much, or a comment on how your legs and back are a little sore from all the lifting. ask her where the bandaids are for your injuries, even though you know darn well where they are stored. Tell her that all you need are new work gloves for your birthday, because, "darnit, I work so hard out there they seem to wear through in a week".

Until then, learn the phrase "yes, dear"


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## fossil (Aug 30, 2010)

Danno77 said:
			
		

> ...Until then, learn the phrase "yes, dear"



I've learned, over the past 20-odd years, that simply saying, "Yes dear." doesn't always quite cut it.  I try to drive the point home and remove any traces of ambiguity by expanding that to, "Yes dear, you're right, I'm sorry, and I love you."  Rick


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## Snag (Aug 31, 2010)

The only way I'd move it at this point is if she went out and laid down in the yard exactly where she wanted you to stack it and then held realllllllly still until you got the first coupla courses done.  

Seriously, it sounds like there's more going on that spiders and wood piles and I tend to think moving the wood pile to resolve this one conflict is only going to create bigger problems down the road.  Take the opportunity to work through this now with mutual respect when the stakes arn't so very high for either of you.  Don't create a .... custom... of behavior where she behaves badly and still gets her way because one of these days the issue is going to be something you simply can't re-do or one that means so much to you that you simply WON'T re-do it... and then what will you do?   She's going to expect you to give way and your going to be all that more stubborn for having given way before.... that day won't be a happy one for either of you.  jmo as a wife for a goodly number of years.


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