# A personal update....



## woodgeek (Nov 17, 2018)

Greetings old friends!

I've been coming to hearth.com for more than a decade now, and seen all the ups and downs and changes.  I miss Craig, and I even miss elkimmeg.

I have been a bit absent in 2018 as I've been sorting a couple things in my personal life.

Bottom line...I am going through a 'messy' divorce, separated legally since June 2018.  I have two teen daughters, who are handling things as well as can be expected. This is my second marriage (first lasted just a couple years in my 20s, no kids).

In terms of my lived experience....

I fell head over heels in love with this woman in 1999, felt that we were a perfect match beyond anything that I had ever dreamed of, and the love and the bond never left me in 18 years of marriage.  We got through our normal life stresses at work over two decades together, enjoyed raising our two girls, and are now prepping them to go off to college and starting their own lives.  We saved our money, and went from broke to comfortable to thinking about a life of relative leisure and a cozy retirement together.

Of course, our relationship wasn't perfect....we disagreed about some things, fought occasionally. I always found a couple of her behaviors odd...but in a loving marriage we should accommodate the other in some ways...nobody is perfect, right?  One of those behaviors was what I would describe as her 'moodiness' and a tendency to occasionally get upset or freaked out to the point of rage at me.  Not pretty of course, but I figured it could be a lot worse.  She would never really apologize (just a tiny, oops I'm sorry) for this...and again I accommodated.

If you had asked me....over all those years I would have said I was happily married, loved my wife and was confident that she loved me too.  Our marriage seemed to be better than that of all our friends that I knew.

I will spare the sordid details in a public forum, but all I can say is that here, now, I finally know the truth.  My wife was living a double life.  She was having affairs with at least 4 other men over at least the last 8 years of our marriage.  When you are in love and trust your spouse, you are blind to these sorts of unthinkable things.  And in addition to my blindness...she was super sneaky.  This is also her second marriage, her first one ended when her infidelity was discovered, and she was publicly shamed.  She told me she 'learned her lesson' from that....and I thought she meant that was to not cheat....nope, the lesson was to **not get caught**.

My wife has a 150 IQ, a PhD in psychology and a lifelong and incurable **personality disorder**.  

The disorder leads her to a life of pathological lying...never showing her true self or intentions to anyone...even her romantic partners.  She is literally play-acting and sees herself as selfishly exploiting everyone in her life, all of the time, and enjoying that power-play.  The same disorder precludes her forming a loving bond with anyone, although she can and does get infatuated, a combo that leads her to serial relationships lasting 12-36 months with the other men.  Once her infatuation fades (as it did with me around 2004) the prior love interest is devalued, becoming a non-person worthy of contempt (which need not be displayed of course, if you want to exploit them).  It is clear that she has felt zero compassion or empathy for me for the last 14 years, less than you would feel for a stranger, while pretending she did just enough to keep me from getting wise.

Her IQ allowed her to be super covert about her double life.  I am no dummy or clueless person, but she had me fooled.  This was NOT a case of me walking in on her, finding mens undies in my bed or getting a tip off email from a stranger.  When I finally got suspicious, it took me hacking all her tech and personal communications for 2 months, pulling all her financial transactions for more than a decade and actually lab testing her clothing to figure it out!  She is the effin Lex Luthor of cheating.  Damn.

So imagine the surreal nightmare...your loving wife and kids' mother, of 18 years, that you adore, turns out to be something akin to a super-genius serial-killer!  She's not homicidal, of course, but basically has the same mentality and degree of caring about her now many victim(s).

How am I doing six months later....surprisingly well.  This has been traumatic for me, obviously.  But I feel lucky.  I have a few trusted friends, a couple great siblings, a really good therapist and a steady job I love.   

I am not healed, but I know I will heal.

And I am very glad that I know the truth, and have removed a toxic person from my life.

Peace.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 17, 2018)

You will survive wood geek and be the wiser for it. Lots of less diabolical women out there ,you will find one. Hopefully venting will help the healing process.


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## woodgeek (Nov 17, 2018)

Indeed Randy.  I live and work in the second most populous metro area on the East Coast, which is filled with suitable single women my age.  I have already met a couple, but am honestly not feeling ready to 'date'.  Yet.

My venting is mostly passed.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 17, 2018)

One of the great mysteries of the universe is figuring out if your woman is "happy" . Hard to ever really be sure. Iv had  23 good years so far with mine and if it all ended tomorrow, i would still be happy for the time i had. It is that much harder when there is children involved. Your fellow woodburners are rooting for you to power through.


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## Doug MacIVER (Nov 17, 2018)

well guy, never a fun situation w/ kids in the pic. lived  through one of those a lifetime ago, ex had a change of sexual preference! toughest part for me was the daughters I left in that home, question my decision to this day.

realization of the under stuff is an  eye opening discovery when your not looking for it. all the best to you and from this distance I would think you'll be better off.

may the force be with you


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## PaulOinMA (Nov 17, 2018)

Sorry to hear that.

Next-door neighbor was over for BBQ 10 years ago.  He said the neighbors across the street were getting divorced.  I asked, "what happened?"

He said that his son (in his 20s) was visiting from England, and was out in a bar in town at night.  The woman across the street (around 50) didn't recognize him and tried to pick him up.

Neighbor had to mention it to the husband since they are good friends.  Turns out the wife has been "going out with friends" at night, coming home well after bars close, and wouldn't tell her husband where she was,

After the divorce, there was always a different vehicle parked in the driveway when I went out to get the morning newspaper.  The car would leave early morning, never to be seen again.

Or, when she would get home from a bar at 3 AM with some guy she would let her yappy miniature long-hair dachshund out to bark.

She sold the house and is gone.


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## EatenByLimestone (Nov 17, 2018)

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles you've discovered.

I don't think the discovery could ever be easy, less so with kids involved.

You'll be in my thoughts, and I hope the kids understand.


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## begreen (Nov 17, 2018)

I'm very sorry to hear that life has thrown these challenges at you and your daughters. Things will work out. Be open with your girls and kind to yourself. You are a valued member and contributor here at Hearth.com.


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## SeanBB (Nov 17, 2018)

I hope everything turns out well for you and your girls but onto more important matters: what is in your stove right now? And are you 3 years ahead?


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## Easy Livin’ 3000 (Nov 17, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> Greetings old friends!
> 
> I've been coming to hearth.com for more than a decade now, and seen all the ups and downs and changes.  I miss Craig, and I even miss elkimmeg.
> 
> ...


Man, that is tough.  I had a very mild dose of one of those in my early 20's.  Will never fully recover, but we gotta keep on truckin', brother.  I've never married and will probably not, because of it.  No need to rush back in, but I did find "dating" therapeutic after.  

We recently had a couple we were friends with go through the similar thing, he still adored her, and she was absolutely brutal.  

Really ain't no words of consolation, but I am sorry you are going through it.


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## woodgeek (Nov 17, 2018)

I would agree that truly knowing what is in another's heart is impossible (and not just for women).  If that person has literally dedicated their lives to deceiving others about their true intentions....then they get pretty damned good at it.

What can I say?  Everyone has problems....I could crash my car, my dog could die, I could have terminal cancer, or I could have a wife with a personality disorder.  I'll take this over cancer I guess.

About 5% of women (and men) in the US have this disorder....so that means that everyone knows someone that this has or could happen to.  I like to think my wife is exceptional among that 5%, in terms of her intelligence, shameless-ness and sneakiness...but that is probably just me being prideful.  LOL.

The other thing said up thread by Randy, about being grateful for the time I had....is difficult given the circumstances....but absolutely right on.  If she and I and our two girls did something fun together and made a happy memory...the fact that she was a monster inside, or texting one of the other men at the same time....doesn't. really. matter.  The memory remains real to me and my girls.

While I was happy for most of my marriage, the final 18 mos or so (before I discovered the affairs) were pretty much a hellscape.  Six months after separation I am doing better...and (based upon the experience of others) probably can expect to be recovered in another 6-12 months.  I know that my future will be happier than my past.

I really appreciate the sentiment guys...not expecting any more than that...as you might imagine there are other fora for this sort of thing!


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## Dataman (Nov 17, 2018)

That's Hard.    Been thru it, it's very depressing.   What every you do, never remarry same Woman.   Did that for Kid and not worth it.   Life goes on and other Women out there.  Ones that can be honest and faithful too.   I got good one 17 years ago.   Wish you the Best!     If your ever really depressed remember to reach out for help like this or phone.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 17, 2018)

Once you get past this WG you will feel invincible. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Most of us have been through something similar. It cuts like a knife, i know from experience ,but it does heal.


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## woodgeek (Nov 17, 2018)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Once you get past this WG you will feel invincible. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Most of us have been through something similar. It cuts like a knife, i know from experience ,but it does heal.



I'm getting there.  Sometimes already I feel quite on top of the world.  I AM lucky.


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## Hogwildz (Nov 18, 2018)

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Been there done that. You will heal, it will take time. Love yourself, and move forward in life. Don't rush into something new, till you are healed and rebuilt yourself to the newer, improved version. Crappy life lesson, I know I could have done without, but in the end it strengthens one, and now you know what to look out for. Hang tough, it gets better. Much better.


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## woodgeek (Nov 18, 2018)

Thanks all.  If you have been through it, there is nothing to explain.  If you haven't, explaining won't help you understand.

Yup @Hogwildz its Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), 'covert' subtype, in a very intelligent and 'high-functioning' individual.  Many 'narc's are easy to spot a mile away...the self-aggrandizement, the put-downs on their spouse, terrorizing wait-staff in restaurants.  

The covert types are a lot more evil...

My wife presents as not just NOT narcissistic, but as one of the nicest, most selfless, ethical and trustworthy people you have ever met.  She is surrounded by a circle of close friends who adore her for being such a wonderful person who always does the right thing! They continuously reach out to her for advice about the difficult situations in their lives.

When I found out about her double life, I of course told some of the friends that I thought (foolishly) were my friends too.  People that my kids considered aunts and uncles...that have celebrated dozens of holidays in my house, travelled on many week long vacations with us, whose kids I have helped out and mentored.  And not a single one believed me.  Some told me that to my face, that wife was just such a good person....why would I lie about her like that?  Others listened and pretended to believe me, asking me to confide more details that were then immediately repeated back to their master (my wife) so she could better 'defend herself' from me.

So of course, these smart NPDs are planners.  They have a Plan B in case the spouse finds out (or is tipped off)...she character assassinated me to the whole circle for more than a decade....told them all that I was emotionally and physically abusive...a wife-beater...!!...and swore them to secrecy about her 'dirty secret' that she has chosen to live with a filthy abuser that she loved, rather than put the kids through a divorce.

So I have had to literally write off 95% of my social network at the same time I am going through this.  I have gotten zero support from any of them.  They have all rallied to wife's side (according to my kids) inviting her over to their homes for weekly meals, planning fun events for their families with wife and my kids, still vacationing and celebrating holidays with them....so she is supported in her 'time of need'.  Snort.

------------------------------

Going forward...I'm clearly gonna be aok.  I still have a few friends to have a beer with in the area, and a larger number to talk to around the world.  I am happy to make some new ones...not something I have ever struggled with....making new friends is part of life...e.g. when you move across the country.

With luck I will be divorced in a few more months, and when I am ready/healed I will be wealthy eligible bachelor with solid character, two loving daughters, a (robust) sense of humor, an elite career and a steady income.

In hindsight there were red flags with my wife in the beginning of the relationship.  They are pretty easy to spot now.  I will not be in a relationship with a disordered person again (or not for very long, anyway) so there is no fear for that.

Ad astra per aspera


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## Easy Livin’ 3000 (Nov 18, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> Thanks all.  If you have been through it, there is nothing to explain.  If you haven't, explaining won't help you understand.
> 
> Yup @Hogwildz its Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), 'covert' subtype, in a very intelligent and 'high-functioning' individual.  Many 'narc's are easy to spot a mile away...the self-aggrandizement, the put-downs on their spouse, terrorizing wait-staff in restaurants.
> 
> ...


Right on, WG!  There's plenty more friends to be made in the world. Ride off from that mess, asap, much as you can with kids in the mix.


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## PaulOinMA (Nov 18, 2018)

Glad you're moving forward and healing.

I was also first married right out of college  briefly in my early 20s.  June 1980.  Moved out November 1981.  No kids.  We were both just way too young.  She was working; I was in grad school.  I waited the necessary year and did a pro se divorce.  Only saw her once from a distance in a mall bookstore not that long after we divorced.  Looking back, the divorce was both our faults.

Fast forward almost 35 years to 2015.  I saw a list of lost alumni from our college.  Scrolled down, and it was list of deceased alumni.  Her name was on the deceased list.  Did a search and found that she died in 2004 at the age of 46.  It was very sad even thought I hadn't seen her in 35 years.


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## woodgeek (Nov 18, 2018)

Paul, I am so sorry for your loss?

....my ex wife (from my 20s) is very much alive and we had zero contact from when the divorce was final in 1998.  A couple months ago she sniffed me out on FaceBook, and made me as newly separated.

so of course she reached out, we emailed back and forth a bit for a month, became FB friends.

Background: she married the 'other man' she cheated on me with; they have been married for 16 years and have two cute kids.

Punchline: of course after 6 weeks of emails she propositioned me for an affair!  Musical chairs, now I could be the 'other man' and the other man would now be the cuckold?  SMH.

Bottom Line: she is now 'blocked' and I learned an important lesson that people with personality disorders don't change.  

My ex was/is the opposite of my current wife in every way....a 'bad girl' persona....with 'Borderline Personality Disorder' or BPD.


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## peakbagger (Nov 18, 2018)

Hire a darn good lawyer and maybe a therapist for the kids. Definitely go over things like insurance and retirement plans with a fine tooth comb to ensure she is locked out. Its worth putting a statement in your credit reports and then freezing them. Personalities like your ex are going to get some perverse enjoyment out of every little booby trap she left that you find. Obviously she is going to target your weak point which are your kids. 

The tough thing is that you are going to be scarred from this relationship when dealing with folks. You may be able to work it out yourself but you may need help. There are plenty of good folks out there but if you assume they are out to get you the ex wins.


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## woodgeek (Nov 18, 2018)

Very insightful @peakbagger...I've got that all sorted here 6 months out.  She still lays me some traps....but I am mostly seeing them in time now.  The kids are a long game....we don't want to fight through them, but of course she will be covertly undermining me to them.  That's all too long a story for a thread...but I'm on it.  With therapists all around.

As for curling up into a fetal position....not gonna happen.  My problem is generally that I am too trusting, not too untrusting.  I will go out there, and tack a list of red flags onto my mirror so I don't forget them.

As for her winning....nope.  She has to live inside her sicko brain for the rest of her life....these folks usually don't end up in a good place relationally.


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## vinny11950 (Nov 18, 2018)

Good luck, WG.

I have been missing your long posts on the future of energy.


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## jatoxico (Nov 18, 2018)

First off I'm so sorry to hear this and hope you successfully untangle yourself from the relationship and heal as soon as possible.

I have a family member who displays the same pathologic and manipulative behavior, the world and the people in it exist only for their own benefit.

Stay smart and although it's natural to want to fight fire with fire my sincerest wishes that you remain strong, stay true to yourself and rise above.


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## Hogwildz (Nov 18, 2018)

Just keep in mind, she may attempt to hoover you. More do than don't. They all want a bunch of backups for supply, as the supply is what they live for. They cannot stand to be alone, and the supply is the only thing they can attempt to fill that void with. Of course the void is never filled. It is a sad life they lead, just a shame they hurt so many along their lifetime. There is no going back, as it will only be the short lived love bombing in the beginning, and then even worse never ending shatstorm. I know exactly what you are going through, and yes, those that have not been through it, have no clue. Keep moving forward, never look back, because that person in your heart & mind, never truly existed. It was all a show to lure you in. They are not capable of true love, compassion, or empathy. It is a mask, and what lies behind is hollow & empty. As for the "friends", let her have them, they will either continue to be supply for her, or figure it out in time. These devils are very good at what they do, they have had a lifetime to hone the skill. Now you know, and that is your most powerful deterrent. In the end, they burn all the bridges, and live a very lonely existence. F them!


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## Easy Livin’ 3000 (Nov 18, 2018)

Hogwildz said:


> Just keep in mind, she may attempt to hoover you. More do than don't. They all want a bunch of backups for supply, as the supply is what they live for. They cannot stand to be alone, and the supply is the only thing they can attempt to fill that void with. Of course the void is never filled. It is a sad life they lead, just a shame they hurt so many along their lifetime. There is no going back, as it will only be the short lived love bombing in the beginning, and then even worse never ending shatstorm. I know exactly what you are going through, and yes, those that have not been through it, have no clue. Keep moving forward, never look back, because that person in your heart & mind, never truly existed. It was all a show to lure you in. They are not capable of true love, compassion, or empathy. It is a mask, and what lies behind is hollow & empty. As for the "friends", let her have them, they will either continue to be supply for her, or figure it out in time. These devils are very good at what they do, they have had a lifetime to hone the skill. Now you know, and that is your most powerful deterrent. In the end, they burn all the bridges, and live a very lonely existence. F them!


Hoover? Suck you in?

Yep, totally right.  I was a sucker for it myself.  Very difficult to resist.  Worse for wear for it.  Just sets you back.

WG, help comes in strange ways and places.  I myself would have not thought to look for it here.  Yet, here you found it.


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## woodgeek (Nov 18, 2018)

Spoken like a true veteran Hogz!  No hoovers yet (for the rest of you, that would be her getting on her knees and begging for me to reconcile).  So I assume that at least one 'boyfriend' is still in the picture.  Also no sign that the (most recent) other man has been made a legit BF yet....I spread his name around with the friends and in-laws and she has denied any affair with him, of course, her being such a very good girl.  So making him legit could be iffy.

Given her family and army of acolytes (sometimes used to attack or spy on me, aka 'flying monkeys'), I also think they would rebuke her if she tried to reconcile with (hoover) me.

Given the above, I suspect that she is probably dredging up a new, fresh man/host for narcissistic supply, who will be made a legit BF in coming months (we are separated 5 months already).  If the latest other man is still (secretly) in the picture, she will probably keep him as a secret side piece as long as he will stand that.


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## Doug MacIVER (Nov 18, 2018)

With luck I will be divorced in a few more months, and when I am ready/healed I will be wealthy eligible bachelor with solid character, two loving daughters, a (robust) sense of humor, an elite career and a steady income. 
then follow Stuart Woods and be the new "Stone Barrington" ?


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## greg13 (Nov 18, 2018)

Talking is the best therapy there is. You need to be open and honest with the kids, thay are old enough that no question should be off limits,
As for friends, REAL friends will remain the others you don't need anyway. Hang in there, it WILL get better trust me.


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## firefighterjake (Nov 18, 2018)

Reading this thread . . . all I can say is just how truly fortunate I am with my spouse. First real relationship . . . and in looking back I realize I could have been used and abused quite easily as I was rather naive back then, but she wasn't and isn't that sort of person. I count myself lucky every day I spend with her. 

For those of you going through the tough times . . . hang in there.


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## woodgeek (Nov 18, 2018)

firefighterjake said:


> all I can say is just how truly fortunate I am with my spouse. First real relationship . . . and in looking back I realize I could have been used and abused quite easily as I was rather naive back then, but she wasn't and isn't that sort of person. I count myself lucky every day I spend with her.



Don't forget to tell her!


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## firefighterjake (Nov 18, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> Don't forget to tell her!



I do . . . every day. 

Sometimes I razz her about not telling me every day that she loves me and appreciates me . . . to which she smiles and replies that she shows me every day in her actions . . . which is so true . . . and so much more powerful than just words alone.


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## PaulOinMA (Nov 19, 2018)

I did GREAT the second marriage, too.  28 years and counting.  She really does put up with a lot. 

She was just in SLC and a friend there mentioned that her parents weren't thrilled with her marriage (non-Mormon).  My wife mentioned that her parents weren't thrilled with me at first, too. 

My BIL was really going at it with my MIL for a period a couple of years ago.  I commented to my wife, "Wow!  Who would have ever thought I'd be the good son-in-law?"


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## My_3_Girls (Nov 19, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> and I even miss elkimmeg



Just trying to lighten the mood.....did you really mean that?  LOL!  Hang tough, brother.


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## woodgeek (Nov 19, 2018)




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## Highbeam (Nov 21, 2018)

Thank you for telling your story. You get to vent and we all get to benefit in our own ways. 

I also married in 1998 to my “current wife”. Sometimes I refer to her as my “first” wife. Living the dream.


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## semipro (Nov 29, 2018)

@woodgeek I won't claim to understand what you've gone through. I've been lucky in that respect. I look forward to your contributions here though and they lead me to believe that you're a decent guy who doesn't deserve to be treated as you have. I'm pulling for you as I suspect any who know you here are.


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## woodgeek (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> What can I say?  Everyone has problems....I could crash my car, my dog could die, I could have terminal cancer, or I could have a wife with a personality disorder.  I'll take this over cancer I guess.



In other news....I CRASHED my car.  No one was injured in any way.  The dog was sick this week, but he is FINE.  I guess I should get a checkup.

LOL.  The Bolt EV.  Totaled.  

I am shopping for a used 2015 Volt (better for my new 1 car family) as a Xmas present to myself.


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## jatoxico (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> In other news....I CRASHED my car.



Sheesh, the hits keep coming right? Sometimes you just have to laugh. Cliché, but at least no one was hurt. Hopefully the insurance works out and you come out whole.


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## woodgeek (Nov 30, 2018)




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## Easy Livin’ 3000 (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> View attachment 234413


Well, maybe casually get up and exit the building.  Great to stay calm, though. 

Sorry to hear about the car.  Read that they are discontinuing the Volt?


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## woodgeek (Nov 30, 2018)

ED 3000 said:


> Well, maybe casually get up and exit the building.  Great to stay calm, though.
> 
> Sorry to hear about the car.  Read that they are discontinuing the Volt?



They did announce closing that factory this week.  GM says it is going to roll out a family of vehicles derived from the Bolt platform....and they might do that with the Volt technology too....or perhaps the Volt was just a stepping stone into the Bolt, and the Bolt is a (perhaps reluctant) hedge against an all electric future.

The used ones seem to have dropped a bit in price this week....perhaps is my imagination.


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## vinny11950 (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> In other news....I CRASHED my car.  No one was injured in any way.  The dog was sick this week, but he is FINE.  I guess I should get a checkup.
> 
> LOL.  The Bolt EV.  Totaled.
> 
> I am shopping for a used 2015 Volt (better for my new 1 car family) as a Xmas present to myself.



Ay Caramba.  Glad you are ok.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> I am shopping for a used 2015 Volt (better for my new 1 car family) as a Xmas present to myself.


I see 2012 models for 9 to 12 K.


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## woodgeek (Nov 30, 2018)

Seasoned Oak said:


> I see 2012 models for 9 to 12 K.



I am still snobbing it up with a '15 CPO (good warranty) with low mileage...for $17k.  Payment will be less than half of the Bolt...including insurance.

Can't complain about the Bolt...The rebate was about equal to the year of payments plus the net cost of settling the loan after insurance payout.  Free EV for 12 months, thanks US taxpayers.

It was tainted anyway...Mrs. Woodgeek used it to rendez-vous for 6 months.


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## Seasoned Oak (Nov 30, 2018)

ID grab one of these older volts if i had even the slightest need for a small sedan. But alas as 70 % of the country is going i dont buy these type of vehicles anymore. Hence GMs desire to close those plants.


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## Easy Livin’ 3000 (Nov 30, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> I am still snobbing it up with a '15 CPO (good warranty) with low mileage...for $17k.  Payment will be less than half of the Bolt...including insurance.
> 
> Can't complain about the Bolt...The rebate was about equal to the year of payments plus the net cost of settling the loan after insurance payout.  Free EV for 12 months, thanks US taxpayers.
> 
> It was tainted anyway...Mrs. Woodgeek used it to rendez-vous for 6 months.


What's CPO?


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## woodgeek (Nov 30, 2018)

certified pre-owned.  1 year bumper to bumper warranty, 6 year/100k powertrain....from build 2021.


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## greg13 (Nov 30, 2018)

I think I'd start buying lottery tickets, how much worse can your luck get? 
Your homeowner's insurance IS paid, right?


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## PaulOinMA (Nov 30, 2018)

We've had two CPO vehicles.  It's a good deal.  You save money buying a used vehicle, but pay extra to get a dealer inspected and dealer extended warranty vehicle.  Peace-of-mind buying a used vehicle.

I had a loaded 2003 Audi A4 Avant 3.0q with a stick ( a unicorn) that I picked up at 9,447 miles.  It was the local Audi reps car.

My wife has an Imola yellow 2004 Audi TTq 3.2DSG S-Line roadster that she picked up from a CA dealership with 4,546 miles.  It was titled to the dealership, and the owner's son had it.  Had them take off the aftermarket 20-inch wheels with rubber bands for tires, since they wouldn't make it with MA potholes.  They still had the original wheels and tires at the dealership with no miles on the tires.

I like CPO vehicles, when it's an option.


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## begreen (Dec 2, 2018)

Yikes, glad to hear that you and the dog are ok. If I were looking used I would be looking at the Gen2 models. We love our 2013 Volt, but they made a lot of nice improvements on the second generation based on 1st gen owner feedback.


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## woodgeek (Dec 2, 2018)

Too late BG....I got a 2015 Volt yesterday.  Only 16k miles.  Premium trim.  Gray exterior, black leather interior.  

When fully charged this morning (they gave it to me with zero SOC) the GOM said 32 miles.  When I drove 16 miles, it said 14 miles.

We are still sorting the most efficient cabin heat settings.

It appeared to fully charge in 4 hours at 240V...which was faster than I thought.  I've got a drivetrain warranty until 6/2021 to worry about the battery.

Previous owner managed 128 mpg over three years.


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## begreen (Dec 2, 2018)

Congratulations. That's low mileage. Your new car sounds similar to ours which is silver + black leather interior. Battery mileage really suffers in winter due to heating. In summer we are seeing 40-41 mile range. No worries on the battery. GM is very conservative with it's rating and babies it. 

When you drive the car leave it in L all the time. We never use the D setting. That will feel a bit more like the regen braking you were used to with the Bolt.


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## georgepds (Dec 2, 2018)

Glad to hear you are in one piece. I look forward to your well reasoned technical posts.

I would not begin to presume to give you advice on relations, except to wish you better luck, and to note this too shall pass


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## Jan Pijpelink (Dec 2, 2018)

I agree, it will pass. When I was 13, my brother died (age 21), a week before I got married, my sister died (age 34) another sister (age 65) died in 2013. My mother is 88 and survived 3 of her 4 kids. Mother lost her father, 2 brothers and sister in WWII due to friendly fire. She still gets up every day making the best of it.


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## woodgeek (Dec 2, 2018)

Jan Pijpelink said:


> She still gets up every day making the best of it.



What else can one do?  And as I said before (jinx) everyone has problems!   I am LUCKY.  I have two kids that I love and that love me.  They have issues but are healthy enough and appear resilient.  We went ice skating today, and I ice skated for the very first time in my life today....my kids coaching me.

And I have a 'new to me' gangsta car.


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## Jan Pijpelink (Dec 2, 2018)

woodgeek said:


> What else can one do?  And as I said before (jinx) everyone has problems!   I am LUCKY.  I have two kids that I love and that love me.  They have issues but are healthy enough and appear resilient.  We went ice skating today, and I ice skated for the very first time in my life today....my kids coaching me.
> 
> And I have a 'new to me' gangsta car.


The point I was trying to make is that these kind of wounds never heal, you will never get used to it, but you will learn to live with it. Without self medication.


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