# How to choose a religion



## precaud (Jan 13, 2012)

A friend sent this to me, I found it hilarious!


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## begreen (Jan 13, 2012)

LOL Yep, that about covers it all except for Zoroastrians and Pastafararians.


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## snowleopard (Jan 13, 2012)

Where do Baha'i fit on this chart?


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## Jack Straw (Jan 13, 2012)

Wow...I am a Jehovah's Witness, Thanks. Now I have to drive around and bother people at home. I can't vote or celebrate holidays. I want a do over! :-S


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## kenny chaos (Jan 13, 2012)

I'm Mormon.  I'm guessing fundamentalist.   :lol:


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## GAMMA RAY (Jan 13, 2012)

Jack Straw said:
			
		

> Wow...I am a Jehovah's Witness, Thanks. Now I have to drive around and bother people at home. I can't vote or celebrate holidays. I want a do over! :-S



Start disliking bacon and wear underwear then...... :lol:


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## firebroad (Jan 13, 2012)

LOVE IT!

Got to share this


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## Jack Straw (Jan 13, 2012)

GAMMA RAY said:
			
		

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Hey, I love eating bacon while going commando!       

Would you like a copy of the Watchtower?


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## firebroad (Jan 13, 2012)

...And I *am* a Wiccan.


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## GAMMA RAY (Jan 13, 2012)

Jack Straw said:
			
		

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I have plenty of copies thank you very much....they have stalked me for 7 years now....I guess they think I look like bad news....  :coolsmirk:


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## firebroad (Jan 13, 2012)

GAMMA RAY said:
			
		

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If you tell them you are Catholic, they will be polite and leave.  If you tell them you are Wiccan, they will leave and never darken your door.  Also, they will pray for you,  never can hurt!


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## Pallet Pete (Jan 13, 2012)

Ha This is too funny and inaccurate! Maybe I just started a posting war oooops  :lol:  All kidding aside I just said get of my property or I will remove you they said what about paradise I said do you want to get there faster and they left hahaha!! That was after roughly 8 times pestering me while working in my garage in one week! 

Pete


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## firebroad (Jan 13, 2012)

Careful, or we are liable to be shut down for ragging on our JW friends.


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## webbie (Jan 13, 2012)

GAMMA RAY said:
			
		

> I have plenty of copies thank you very much....they have stalked me for 7 years now....I guess they think I look like bad news....  :coolsmirk:



Let me guess.
They get a heathen vibe from you?


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## webbie (Jan 13, 2012)

firebroad said:
			
		

> Also, they will pray for you,  never can hurt!



But according to John Templeton, who spent hundreds of millions on research, it may not hurt but it doesn't help!

Throwing dice and doing a Wiccan dance helps just as much - scientifically proven....so does watching Family Guy.


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## firebroad (Jan 13, 2012)

Webmaster said:
			
		

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I have never objected to anyone who felt like they needed to pray for me--for just that reason  ;-)


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## Hogwildz (Jan 14, 2012)

I either tell them to go F themselves, or that I worship Satan, and would they like to come in for some Koolaid. Haven't had any back here in a while.


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## kenny chaos (Jan 14, 2012)

Hogwildz said:
			
		

> I either tell them to go F themselves, or that I worship Satan, and would they like to come in for some Koolaid. Haven't had any back here in a while.



Are we talking about how to pick a religion or how to impress kids? :coolsmile:


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## Jack Straw (Jan 14, 2012)

kenny chaos said:
			
		

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I thought he was talking about politicians who came to his house campaigning


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## DAKSY (Jan 14, 2012)

Hogwildz said:
			
		

> I either tell them to go F themselves, or that I worship Satan, and would they like to come in for some Koolaid. Haven't had any back here in a while.



I had a Jehovah's Witless Car full of em (2 men in suits, 2 nicely dressed women) pull 
into my driveway one hot summer when I lived in a more rural part of the county & 
when they opened the doors, I let loose a whistle & my 95 lb Lab/Shepherd mix (Riley)
came screamin across the yard...All FOUR of em jumped in the car & rolled up the windows
& locked the doors! 
I let em sit there & sweat for a couple of minutes before I chained Riley up & asked how 
I could help them. One of the guys pulled his Witless Digest or Mother Witless News or 
whatever propaganda it was & it had a 40mm Bofors Anti-Aircraft gun on the cover. He started his spiel
& I told him that I might have MADE that gun at Watervliet Arsenal (look it up). He started to
spout fire & brimstone about the evils of war & I said if I didn't make em somebody else would, 
& why should I give up MY job? He started on me again & I just walked away & unchained Riley. 
Once again they scrambled back into the car. EWhen they realized that the dog was not gonna 
be chained, they bailed. Word must've got out, cuz they NEVER came back...


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## PA Fire Bug (Jan 14, 2012)

This worked out well for me but I'd like to think that I'm not boring or generic.  The Jehovah's Witnesses have me on their list.  The same lady visits several times a year.  I don't agree with some of their core beliefs but I agree with many of their moral values.


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## Hogwildz (Jan 14, 2012)

kenny chaos said:
			
		

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Was thinking more Jonestown


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 14, 2012)

The interesting thing about religion is each one has to believe that theirs is right and all or most of the other ones are wrong. They all cant be right,  but it is entirely possible that they all can be wrong.


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## Singed Eyebrows (Jan 14, 2012)

Seasoned Oak said:
			
		

> The interesting thing about religion is each one has to believe that theirs is right and all or most of the other ones are wrong. They all cant be right,  but it is entirely possible that they all can be wrong.


Don't get me started Randy lol,  Randy


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## potter (Jan 14, 2012)

Singed Eyebrows said:
			
		

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Me either, have kept my mouth shut so far. I will point out the path to atheism is the shortest and most direct on the chart. :coolgrin:


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## wetwood (Jan 14, 2012)

If people spent more time listening to God, whatever their religion, and talking to God rather than lecturing folks on their religion, this world would not be so uuck fped.


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## Ehouse (Jan 14, 2012)

+1 Seasoned Oak.  Also, most have an overwhelming cultural component.

Ehouse


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## Singed Eyebrows (Jan 14, 2012)

potter said:
			
		

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Yeah, everybody seemed so happy I didn't want to screw up the thread, lol, Randy


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## begreen (Jan 14, 2012)

potter said:
			
		

> I will point out the path to atheism is the shortest and most direct on the chart. :coolgrin:



Right there with Scientology. L. Ron would be proud.


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## Mt Ski Bum (Jan 15, 2012)

what about people who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


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## potter (Jan 15, 2012)

BeGreen said:
			
		

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Fair cop, though the scientology one should have had an additional box about being spoiled and famous and jumping up and down on couches......
looking back it did say the rich and insane thing, thereby making the Cruise point.


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## precaud (Jan 15, 2012)

Mt Ski Bum said:
			
		

> what about people who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster?



As you may know, Christianity, in its singlemindedness, cleverly skirts around the "multiple gods" question by allowing for different names for their one god. So they would say that Flying Spaghetti Monster is really just a pseudonym for Jahweh, the one true god, jealous beyond all others to the point that he denies their existence.

Additionally, religious scholars acknowledge that the very concept of a Flying Spaghetti Monster is problematical. Anyone who eats that much spaghetti is unlikely to ever be able to become airborne.   :lol:


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## BrotherBart (Jan 15, 2012)

precaud said:
			
		

> Additionally, religious scholars acknowledge that the very concept of a Flying Spaghetti Monster is problematical. Anyone who eats that much spaghetti is unlikely to ever be able to become airborne.   :lol:



De Georgio: Illegal entry, no warrant.
Callahan: Looks like we climb.
De Georgio: Uh-uh. Too much linguine. I'll find another way.


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## Singed Eyebrows (Jan 15, 2012)

Mt Ski Bum said:
			
		

> what about people who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


I think they meet at the  Olive Garden every wed. A religion I could really sink my teeth into, Randy


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## begreen (Jan 15, 2012)

Pastafararians unite! Or is that untie?


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## pistonslap (Jan 16, 2012)

One of my all time favorite experiences with Jesus freaks was this guy I used to work with. He was always spouting scripture and telling people they were going to be thrown into the lake of fire. Meanwhile, he was one of the laziest, rottenest human beings on the face of the earth. Anyway, he had Jesus saves stickers all over his lunch box. One of the guys ate his lunch and left a note that said "why didn't Jesus save you any?"


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## kenny chaos (Jan 16, 2012)

BeGreen said:
			
		

> Pastafararians unite! Or is that untie?



Dyslexics untie!


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