# Care to weigh in on how you would divide inheritance



## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

Im curious as to how others here plan to divide their inheritance. 3 main options exist to my knowledge.
1.Equally among your children or other relatives.
2.Unequally, possibly depending on the generosity and helpfulness of the child or relative.
3.To charity  or possibly some combination of these 3 options.

And lastly would you cut someone completely out,say a child of extreme indifference,distant or uncaring?


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## firefighterjake (Jan 19, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Im curious as to how others here plan to divide their inheritance. 3 main options exist to my knowledge.
> 1.Equally among your children or other relatives.
> 2.Unequally, possibly depending on the generosity and helpfulness of the child or relative.
> 3.To charity  or possibly some combination of these 3 options.
> ...



I can only say what my wife and I have done . . . we are giving a few things away to some friends and family . . . the bulk of the inheritance will go to a few cherished siblings and charity (specifically the local Humane Society). And yeah, my wife has a long time estranged daughter who will not be getting anything. My own feeling . . . if you don't care to show someone the love and respect while they are living then you don't deserve to get something for nothing just because you share some genes.


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## webbie (Jan 19, 2014)

Always depends on if there is any left by that time....

All things being equal, and they never are, I would have a very short will with equal divisions and perhaps a couple charities. If my money holds out, I may even invest some in a donor-advised fund:
http://www.fidelitycharitable.org/giving-strategies/give/donor-advised.shtml

We expect to have only a very small amount of grandchildren by the time we pass (maybe 3 at most), so it's likely we will leave something in trust for them. After all, by that time (in fact, already) our kids pretty much have their own finances together.

Yeah, if I had a kid who was a drunk, heroin addict, wife or husband-beater, repeat convict, etc.....I'd cut them out or be real careful with a trust.....


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

webbie said:


> Yeah, if I had a kid who was a drunk, heroin addict, wife or husband-beater, repeat convict, etc.....I'd cut them out or be real careful with a trust.....


An addict or drunk getting an inheritance could be fatal. A trust to pay for rehab perhaps.


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## Boil&Toil (Jan 19, 2014)

Be sure your divisions comply with the applicable laws, or that you have done what's needed to make them do so. This may be primarily a spousal issue; certainly the case I'm acquainted with is. A neighbor left all her land to her kids (keeping it in her family, as she had gotten it the same way), but did not get hubby (I'm not sure if they were separated, but in any case, evidently not divorced) to sign off on it. Then she made the mistake of dying first. Hubby being a bit of a drunk and having no respect for wishes of the dead was able to haul it into court and sell the land off so he could drink the state-mandated share he was "entitled" to.

It may (or may not - this is why you want to pay a *good* lawyer) be better to mention the person in question by name and then either specifically state that they get nothing, or provide a token bequest, so that they cannot muck things up claiming that they were "forgotten." Things you are done with or don't need going forward, give where you want them to go while you are still alive.

IIRC, siblings (if they are still around when I go) & niece/nephew in equal shares, and some to charities; though one of the younger generation makes me question that from time to time, but I'm also able to see that playing favorites might not really be the best thing, so I have not changed the version in force.


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## Beer Belly (Jan 19, 2014)

Got a close friend with two great Daughters (currently 15 & 18), who will get 100G Insurance Policy.....not sure about the rest, I'd leave it all to them, but the Wife and I will have to sit down and write a Will, and look at this seriously, but the girls get the 100G....that is mine to give.....I told there Dad, if something should happen, get over here and grab my Splitter and Saws before anybody else picks at my possessions like vultures......I've seen some family members in action....they are quick


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## BrotherBart (Jan 19, 2014)

From what I have observed as relatives have aged, most is gonna go for those hundred dollar bowels of soup for me to drool into at the outrageously priced old folks home. And to doctors and their cadres.


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## webbie (Jan 19, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> From what I have observed as relatives have aged, most is gonna go for those hundred dollar bowels of soup for me to drool into at the outrageously priced old folks home. And to doctors and their cadres.



No doubt, the system is geared for that. In fact, they created an entire state where the economy revolves around taking your last $$$ before the end....

My wife's grand dad reportedly had a couple bucks- although money is relative...not a millionaire, but retired early and was a widower. So he moved to Miami and spent 20 years - started with the women and wine and ended with the doctors. We had to pay to ship his remains home to Philly!

These days it's not unheard of for a "senior residence community" to charge a 1/2 million just as what they hold (like a bond or deposit).....so you need some big up front bucks if you want to get taken care of. I've always had the one-way trip to Switzerland in mind....first class. But who knows if I'll be smart enough and capable enough to arrange it when that time comes.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> From what I have observed as relatives have aged, most is gonna go for those hundred dollar bowels of soup for me to drool into at the outrageously priced old folks home. And to doctors and their cadres.


Ill be lounging around at some long term care resort in the PI by that time. Last time i was there i spent several days in an Upscale hospital(Marble floors and chandeliers) Paid less than $200 which included half a dozen IV bags, several prescriptions,lab work and round the clock nurses and doctors in a private room with cable TV.


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## Ehouse (Jan 19, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> From what I have observed as relatives have aged, most is gonna go for those hundred dollar bowels of soup for me to drool into at the outrageously priced old folks home. And to doctors and their cadres.




I really, really hope you meant bowls.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

Good one Ehouse i completely missed that Gives it a whole new meaning


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## BrotherBart (Jan 19, 2014)

I kid people about typos so much, I have to leave it.


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## Ehouse (Jan 19, 2014)

What I've seen a couple times in families with multiple siblings is the bulk of the estate being left to the struggling one(s) when the others are pat.  It causes some ill will (heh), but makes some sense for the family as a whole.


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## Ehouse (Jan 19, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> I kid people about typos so much, I have to leave it.




I'm sure I'll get my turn.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

Ehouse said:


> What I've seen a couple times in families with multiple siblings is the bulk of the estate being left to the struggling one(s) when the others are pat.  It causes some ill will (heh), but makes some sense for the family as a whole.


In my family the struggling ones,are the ones making the bad decisions.Without exception. When they do get a windfall, its gone overnight, often with nothing to show for it.


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## Ehouse (Jan 19, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> In my family the struggling ones,are the ones making the bad decisions.Without exception. When they do get a windfall, its gone overnight, often with nothing to show for it.




As was the outcome in the cases I observed.


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## BrotherBart (Jan 19, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> In my family the struggling ones,are the ones making the bad decisions.Without exception. When they do get a windfall, its gone overnight, often with nothing to show for it.



One niece is like that. But she gets an equal share of what's left. What do I care what she does with it if I am dead?


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## Ehouse (Jan 19, 2014)

Ehouse said:


> As was the outcome in the cases I observed.




Now, Randy, you're a real estate guy;  What about buying a nursing home for investment so you've always got a place to go?  Actually, it's a toss up between that and a liquor store that's coming up soon!


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> One niece is like that. But she gets an equal share of what's left. What do I care what she does with it if I am dead?


True,But Ehouse was relating, was giving the BULK of the estate to the spenders. Not fair to the level headed ones ,equal shares not based on spending


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## BrotherBart (Jan 19, 2014)

Do it equally or the lawyers end up with most of it in the fight anyway.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 19, 2014)

Ehouse said:


> Now, Randy, you're a real estate guy;  What about buying a nursing home for investment so you've always got a place to go?  Actually, it's a toss up between that and a liquor store that's coming up soon!


Im liquidating. Real estate= problems,headaches ect. Got most of my stuff on long term purchase contracts collecting 8-15% interest. Good rates these days.
My long term care plan will be on a beach in the Philippines deciding what i want for breakfast,and if ill go fishing that day or just sip on a few cold ones. Edit And the serious long term care like 24 hour care, is quite affordable there as well.


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## BrotherBart (Jan 19, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> My long term care plan will be on a beach in the Philippines deciding what i want for breakfast,and if ill go fishing that day or just sip on a few cold ones.



Or hobble running from the typhoon.


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## ironpony (Jan 20, 2014)

so far all good advice, what my atty recommended as far as leaving someone out is;
leave them $100 dollars so that they can not challenge that you forgot them, because you were old/senile.
they got something so you could not of forgot them.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 20, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> Or hobble running from the typhoon.


Have actually been in one while there in the 90s. Was at a beach resort,quite thrilling. This one recently was one for the record books.


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## Hills Hoard (Jan 20, 2014)

My mate blew his inheritance on booze, gambling and prostitutes...(some where in the vicinity of $250,000 AU)...took him 15 years to get back to the point where he can put a deposit down to buy a house...

There will be a s*** fight in our family when it comes to dealing with inheritance mainly due to one selfish person who will stop at nothing to make sure they are well looked after...


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## gzecc (Jan 21, 2014)

Split up any inheritance by percentage. Keep it simple. No problem treating screw ups as screw ups. The kids should be treated with the same percentage. If they are still under 21 hold some money in a trust till they are.


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## Adios Pantalones (Jan 22, 2014)

Spend it all. Give them opportunity as you can, spend the cash on good booze and expensive toys.


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## Retired Guy (Jan 22, 2014)

Equally. Wife and I have the problem that both her and my siblings are more well off than we are and really don't need money; leaving us with the question of who to leave it to. Maybe friends kids is the answer.


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## Dix (Jan 22, 2014)

I'd like to say, as a child who got a letter from the funeral home that handled my fathers burial & services informing me of his passing, don't be mean or spiteful, please.

Legitimate reasons, I agree with 100%.

Bull chit reasons like "you've never been responsible, and you are a disappointment to me, so when I am dying, you will not be informed", etc, really cause a lot of emotional damage. Unneeded damage, and unmerited. 

Just putting that out there.


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## Ashful (Jan 22, 2014)

Seasoned Oak, my answer to your question varies greatly depending on whether that child in your avatar is your son or grandson.  What is the age of your heirs?

Also, what is the size of the estate?  Tens of thousands... tens of millions?


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## Ehouse (Jan 22, 2014)

If you've got something extra, buy a piece of forested acreage next to a park or state land and give it to a land trust or other organization that will preserve it, or find out what tracts they would like to acquire and assist them financially.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 22, 2014)

Joful said:


> Seasoned Oak, my answer to your question varies greatly depending on whether that child in your avatar is your son or grandson.  What is the age of your heirs?
> 
> Also, what is the size of the estate?  Tens of thousands... tens of millions?


Thats my youngest son. He is 7.Also a 9 a 17 and a 33. But i am 57 so. time to start thinking of these things.  My question pertains to how you guys might do it. Since i value the opinion of most of the members here just as much as folks i deal with in person on a day to day basis. So far im pretty much in agreement with most of the posts here.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 22, 2014)

Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:


> Legitimate reasons, I agree with 100%.
> .


Its sad to take old grievances and hard feelings to the grave. My dad did that too toward some of his lifelong friends, and taught me a lesson of what NOT to do.
The will is no place for spitework.


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## FanMan (Jan 22, 2014)

I know a family that jointly owns a sizable piece of prime riverfront property... the ancestor died leaving a narrow strip to each family member... so narrow that nobody could sell without several of the others also selling, thus insuring that the property would remain in the family.


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## peakbagger (Jan 22, 2014)

My friends kids have all made marginal decisions in life and after he had his will drawn up he let them know that they would all get an equal share when they made it to retirement age. He set up some sort of trust to administer it. His theory is that they way they are going they are never going to save enough money other than SS (if it exists) so the money will be appreciated when they need it most

I am definitely not a fan of leaving a plot of land or a camp to a family group. Sounds good to begin with but unless you leave a big endowment it ends up that one or two of the family end up doing all the work and the rest sponge off of it.


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 22, 2014)

This is something that has to be well thought out. Iv seen inheritances divide families permanently. Probably NOT what was intended.


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## BrotherBart (Jan 22, 2014)

To prevent family hard feelings and squabbles, anybody that feels like kicking off soon could bequeath their assets to the Moderators at hearth.com. We are here to help.

That's just the kind of website we are.


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## bubbasdad (Jan 22, 2014)

Split it up equally.  Unless you have a child with special needs, then you might do something different.  We don't have children, so we are thinking about neices and nephews.  But that may change, we see very little of them, they seem like strangers to me.  Might leave it to a animal group, but then again, there might not be much left!!


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## Dix (Jan 22, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> To prevent family hard feelings and squabbles, anybody that feels like kicking off soon could bequeath their assets to the Moderators at hearth.com. We are here to help.
> 
> That's just the kind of website we are.



Or, friendly assistants


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## BrotherBart (Jan 22, 2014)

bubbasdad said:


> Might leave it to a animal group



Right. The Mods.


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## Cynnergy (Jan 22, 2014)

Ehouse said:


> If you've got something extra, buy a piece of forested acreage next to a park or state land and give it to a land trust or other organization that will preserve it, or find out what tracts they would like to acquire and assist them financially.



Don't forget to leave an endowment to manage it - we have a regional charity that is going bankrupt and selling off properties because it took on too much responsibility without the accompanying cash to manage things properly.  

The idea was that they would get a lot of donations from the public when they were first set-up, but us Canucks are a lot less philanthropic than you Yanks.

The system works ok in the UK with the National Trust, but I guess we're even more tight than the Brits...


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## Ashful (Jan 22, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> Thats my youngest son. He is 7.Also a 9 a 17 and a 33. But i am 57 so. time to start thinking of these things.  My question pertains to how you guys might do it. Since i value the opinion of most of the members here just as much as folks i deal with in person on a day to day basis. So far im pretty much in agreement with most of the posts here.


In your situation, I'd set up a trust for the three youngest, and put 75% of the estate into the trust, the other 25% going directly to the 33 year old.  You need to name a trustee for the estate (pref. NOT one of your kids), and a guardian for the kids.  Depending on their place in life, I'd probably be looking toward the 33 year old as primary guardian, but you should also name a secondary.  There should be instructions (not part of the will, but as a separate memorandum) dictating how the trust is to be invested and managed.  The will should include the definition of terms upon which money will be paid out of the trust to the three younger children (eg. certain amounts for college, marriage, payouts at given ages, etc.).  There should also be a statement to release money (perhaps even more than their 25% share) for emergency medical expenses.  It is typically very unwise to give an 18 or 21 year old access to their entire inheritance, so we chose to set milestones for payouts (college graduation, wedding, age 30, etc.).

The estate manager should be a paid position, perhaps $5k - $15k per year, depending on the size of the estate.  Consider an average growth rate of 7% per year on your estate, and then decide on the estate manager's compensation as some portion of that growth.  The guardian will also need regular money out of the estate, some portion to be determined by you up front, and the other to be at the discretion of your estate manager (see memorandum above).

We are actually going thru this process right now.  Unfortunately, although there is significant money available to put into a trust, and I have selected someone I respect to be trust manager, we have no siblings or close family of suitable age who we fully trust to be responsible guardians.  I have some questions the group may help me with on that matter, but will put it in another thread when I get my thoughts together on it, rather than hijacking this one.


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## Beer Belly (Jan 23, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> This is something that has to be well thought out. Iv seen inheritances divide families permanently. Probably NOT what was intended.


 I sat and watched my sibs fight over a stack of pennys.....really, a stack of freakin' pennys....less than a dollar.....and after my Dad passed (we were by his bedside), one sister announces as we're leaving the hospital, she's getting his car, and the other has his gas card and asks if anybody is low on fuel


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## firefighterjake (Jan 23, 2014)

Beer Belly said:


> I sat and watched my sibs fight over a stack of pennys.....really, a stack of freakin' pennys....less than a dollar.....and after my Dad passed (we were by his bedside), one sister announces as we're leaving the hospital, she's getting his car, and the other has his gas card and asks if anybody is low on fuel


 

Some people will never understand what truly matters in life . . . I suspect you already know.


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## hossthehermit (Jan 23, 2014)

All I plan on leavin' is bills, and my will specifies that they are to be split equally between my three ex-wives ........ My current wife don't git nuthin' ...... that'll show her ............................


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## mass_burner (Jan 23, 2014)

webbie said:


> No doubt, the system is geared for that. In fact, they created an entire state where the economy revolves around taking your last $$$ before the end....


 

you need to start planning this at least 5 years ahead of time to keep real estate off limits to nursing homes.

as for me i plan to sell everything, spend everything and die broke and shoeless on some beach somewhere.


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## Retired Guy (Jan 23, 2014)

peakbagger said:


> My friends kids have all made marginal decisions in life and after he had his will drawn up he let them know that they would all get an equal share when they made it to retirement age. He set up some sort of trust to administer it. Hi theory is that they way they are going they are never going to save enough money other than SS (if it exists) so the money will be appreciated. when they need it most
> 
> I am definitely not a fan of leaving a plot of land or a camp to family group. Sounds good to begin with but unless you leave a big endowment it ends up that on or two of the family end up doing all the work and the rest sponge off of it.


Good idea.


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## Retired Guy (Jan 23, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> Right. The Mods.


Mods already are getting rich with the Hearth.com profit sharing.


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## BrotherBart (Jan 23, 2014)

Retired Guy said:


> Mods already are getting rich with the Hearth.com profit sharing.



Yep and the inheritance would drive our taxes through the roof. But we are willing to do it to prevent members having family problems.


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## Retired Guy (Jan 23, 2014)

BrotherBart said:


> Yep and the inheritance would drive our taxes through the roof. But we are willing to do it to prevent members having family problems.


What an altruistic group!


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## firebroad (Jan 23, 2014)

I had my will drawn up some years ago when advised to do so after contracting cancer.  I am well now, but glad I drew up the will, not to make sure anyone inherited per my wishes, but to make sure someone would NOT inherit against my wishes.

Actually, I'm leaving it all the the cat.


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## bubbasdad (Jan 24, 2014)

firebroad said:


> I had my will drawn up some years ago when advised to do so after contracting cancer.  I am well now, but glad I drew up the will, not to make sure anyone inherited per my wishes, but to make sure someone would NOT inherit against my wishes.
> 
> Actually, I'm leaving it all the the cat.


 
If you need a trustee, let me know, we have 3 stray cats living with us.  Just in case, ya know?


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 24, 2014)

I wont be leaving a huge real estate empire behind,most of the real estate is on long term contracts that will be paid off eventually and go to the occupants/buyers, and rightfully so. I did this mainly to liquidate slowly while maintaining income and get away from all the repairs,. problems ect associated with real estate. Should last well into my 70s or longer. Whats left will be some commercial RE and my own home and accounts.


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## Ashful (Jan 24, 2014)

Seasoned Oak said:


> I wont be leaving a huge real estate empire behind,most of the real estate is on long term contracts that will be paid off eventually and go to the occupants/buyers, and rightfully so. I did this mainly to liquidate slowly while maintaining income and get away from all the repairs,. problems ect associated with real estate.


Interesting model.  Are these mostly single homes?


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## Seasoned Oak (Jan 25, 2014)

Joful said:


> Interesting model.  Are these mostly single homes?


Yes


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## Bobbin (Jan 30, 2014)

Estate planning and wills are _important_!  If you don't "spell it out" and "put it in writing" chaos will ensue.  I've watched it unfold time and again.  I'm stunned by the number of friends I have (who  have kids) who don't have a WILL!  They have NO clue about how the court system works and what "in testate" means to those who could inherit immediately IF a will had been drawn up. 

I've done the caregiving thing (4 yrs. in my home).  I've cleaned up the "mess" a rudimentary will left in its wake.  I know from whence I speak, you guys.  Smarten up, dummies!  Everyone loves to hate lawyers... NOT ME!  I think lawyers are fabulous. You have to know what  you want your lawyer to do for you... and  you have to be able to provide the information your lawyer requires.  If _you_ can't provide it, you will have to pay your lawyer to find it!  Do you see where this is going?  someone has to do the "detective work"... can you do it? or is it easier to pay your lawyer to do it?


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